Still Assessing; Still Learning

While I would like to tell anyone asking that my deconstruction from evangelical Christianity is complete, I would also have to admit that I am still working out both who I am and where I am spiritually.
If I were to sum up my thoughts on evangelical Christianity in particular or religion in general I would have to say that religious people tend to worship religion -- not God. Throughout the Christian religions, Christians tend to worship Jesus, the Christ, rather than worshiping God, the Creator.

Even more so, they tend to worship this religion built around Jesus that has very little to do with the Creator at its center. 
It seems that other religions have similar structures where they worship practices and doctrines more than an actual deity of some type.

Admittedly, there is a part of me that misses the euphoria of a worship experience. But I don't believe that I will ever go back to that. 
I believe in, and recognize God as divine and as the Creator of all things, but I don't believe that this God wants, needs, nor expects my worship.
I can't really tell you what I think of an afterlife because I no longer consider an afterlife as something to influence my decisions of how I behave towards others, towards the planet, or even towards God. Just making good choices for today seems to be enough.

I haven't really thought of myself as a victim of church abuse or that I have experienced any kind of real trauma from churches, but that is beginning to change as I learn more about religious trauma in general and church trauma in particular. I'd say that my distrust of religions and churches (the people part of  religion) is pretty equal, but in the end I believe that it's bizarre how far people are willing to go to make other people believe the same things that they believe -- yeah, think Crusades, concentration camps, burning at the stake, and even crucifixions. 

It's pretty sad to go through life believing that people suck, but damn -- people suck!
Guard yourselves accordingly.

That can serve as my quotable(?) Wednesday Wisdom contribution for this week -- 
People suck. Guard yourselves accordingly.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

I am learning this contentment.
I have more than I need, certainly more than I deserve.
I am sitting in a wonderful home, sipping good coffee.
Though mostly far away, I have an incredible family.
Although I have few close friends, I have had a good life with seasonal friendships.
My life is peaceful.
I am content.
Life has been, and is still -- very good.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

It's not too late.
Unless, perhaps, we haven't learned.

John

What is wrong with you?

Self esteem
I believe that self esteem is how you feel about yourself. 
It is an assessment of your overall value as you see yourself.
It is not a comparison to others.
At least, it's not supposed to be.

I think that people tend to compare themselves to others rather than make personal assessments based solely on one's own abilities, talents, and contributions. 
Not only does this give us a false perspective on personal value, but it also makes tearing others down a convenient (yet false) way of making ourselves look better.

I believe that people that are often critical and judgmental of others have very low self esteem.
I should probably point out that I don't have any psychological background or education. This is just an observation and a part of my personal growth.

I have found peace in learning not to compare myself to others
While I do enjoy it when others think well of me, my identity isn't tied to what others think of me.
I am confident and comfortable just being who I am.

By most standards, I have little to offer to society.
I have no formal education.
I have no power or influence.
I have no wealth.
I offer no product or service to make the community a better place.
My sole contribution to society is that I am a consumer, and I really try to keep that to a minimum.

It is weird how somebody with so little value to society can be at peace with who they are, and yet here I am.
If I were to spend the rest of my mornings sipping coffee on the deck,
the rest of my days tending to flowers, reading books, and relaxing in the pool,
and the rest of my nights back on the deck smoking a cigar, sipping a drink and listening to the night sounds,
I would be a happy boy.
I'm pretty sure that Chris would be bored with such a life, but I could honestly be okay with it.

Yes, I like to travel a bit.
Yes, I want to visit my kids and see my family now and then.
Yes, I like occasional interactions with friends, such as meeting for a meal or going out for coffee or a beer.
But with or without those things that bring added joy -- I am content and at peace with who I am.

Even as I write that and watch the golden finches fly back and forth between the black eyed susans and sunflowers, I know that I am far from perfect. If I am going to really enjoy life for a long time I need to improve on my quality of life and change some habits.
I'm getting more serious about that.
Being overweight and out of shape is more what I am than who I am.

So...
What is wrong with you?
Honestly, you are really the only one that needs to answer that question. 
1. It shouldn't be a comparison to others, and 
2. An honest assessment should also ask and answer -- What's right with you?

I'd offer this as a starting point --
Nothing is wrong with you.
You are probably not perfect. Like me (and most others), there are definitely things you need to work on.
But I truly believe that you are created by The Creator as an expression of love -- to love and to be loved.
I hope that you will see that in your own self assessment.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

Today's wisdom is stolen from a well known sneaker brand --
Just do it!

I get the idea of delayed gratification and waiting until the time is right, but sometimes the priorities are wrong. Sometimes there isn't a good reason to wait or the thing we are waiting for isn't well defined.
Whether "Just do it" refers to exercise, taking a trip, or getting into a cold pool -- Do it. Do it now.

I have wanted to get a pool for quite some time, but always managed to talk myself out of it. It is easy to talk myself out of anything that costs money. I'm too cheap to spend much money on things for myself (other than decent cigars, bourbon, or tequila). We finally got one!
It's a pretty inexpensive one, but it's also a bit of an experiment on if it will be worth it. 
My pre-experiment hypothesis is that it most definitely will be. In fact, the real danger is that pool usage will interfere with actually getting work done. I may have to impose some rules about work time before pool time -- kind of a Just do it after I've mowed the field!

We got one of the pools with an inflatable ring at the top. the base is quite a bit wider than the top ring, so a poolside table for drinks, Chromebook, Kindle reader, etc. is a bit tricky. I'm currently looking at floating tables or I may just craft something from a few boards and a cut up pool noodle. In any case, I am not waiting to find something to use the pool. 
I waited a whole hour after it was filled yesterday to get in! The water temp was a cool 68 (20C) degrees, but I was in and enjoying the vibe for about an hour. I'll be doing more research on maintaining a pool and largely learning as I go. 
Looking back, I can't think of a good reason why we didn't do this when we first moved into this house six years ago. 

Today's plan :
Weed eat the yard around the house and flowerbeds (I mowed it yesterday)
Load the smoker with a half pork tenderloin and some burgers
Mow the field
Get in the pool

I'd better get busy!

John

Wednesday Wisdom

Sometimes wisdom is simply a matter of awareness -- you know, being woke.
The world we live in is a marvelous place; full of wonder everywhere you look.
It is both simple and complex.
It can be minuscule and infinite.
It is brilliant and it is invisible.
It can be calm and peaceful or violent and destructive. 
Unfortunately, it is often ignored or taken for granted.

Pay attention to the world around us.
Be aware.
Be woke.

John

More for me and less for thee is a lousy way to live

I have noticed that being more contemplative leads to some unexpected sadness.
I truly feel sad for humanity as it seems that so many people are unhappy with their lives. 

Why do we feel the need to compete with each other?
Why do we think it is acceptable to tear someone down to get ahead of them?

I understand the survival instincts that are primitive and an innate part of our being, but we are able to reason beyond our most primitive instincts. Getting more for me doesn't always have to mean less for others. Communities build together to make more or better situations for everyone. 
We (in the US) have become so capitalistic that we would prosper by taking away from those in need and celebrating our success while ignoring the great suffering that we have caused.
What is wrong with us?

It is ironic that people use the word "woke" to put down a segment of the population that is aware of suffering and injustice.
Indeed, we are "woke."
We see the things that they do not. To see and be aware of such things is not a bad thing. To call out evil and injustice is a good thing. I think their anger comes from knowing that there are people that are aware of the evil deeds that they are doing or supporting through political actions. They are the ones that need to wake up!

This morning I am happily sitting on the deck. Groucho the cat is dozing on a sunny spot on the deck rug. I have finished my coffee and a small sparrow is chirping loudly from the top of the post that holds its bird house full of babies. I think he is waiting for mama to exit the nest so he can feed the little ones what he has gathered for them. 
Life is pretty good here. The only stress I have comes from the weeds that need to be pulled or needing to mow (again), or deciding if I'm going to brave the exposure to people at the baseball game on any given home stand evening.

Competing for more has never really been my thing. That's why I ended my career at a small level airport at the lower end of the ATC pay scale. I have enough. 
Ours is a simple life. We have a nice home in a semi-rural area. We can afford to travel to visit the kids. We don't worry about having food to eat.

I'm going to run some errands this morning, meet someone for lunch, mow this afternoon, smoke a cigar and sip bourbon this evening. The most stressful thing I have to do today is leave the house and encounter people that are in competition with each other. 
I will end the day in the same way I begin the day -- sitting on the deck enjoying the sounds of nature.

Just another day in the life of...

John

Wednesday Wisdom

I know that the algorithms that drive social media accounts tend to fill your feed with the things you respond to most often -- whether they be self affirming or fear mongering, your reactions drive the types of ads and articles that will appear.

Here are a few of the things that have appeared in my feeds recently.

This is an excerpt from a longer thread. The question asked poses some interesting thoughts.

These next two were together and I think they fit me well. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. It is just true that they fit well.

I really do enjoy my alone time.
I like working alone in my yard and garden.
I like my morning coffee time alone.
I like going to ballgames alone.
I don't mind long drives alone.

Don't get me wrong, here. I also enjoy time with people.
I enjoy meeting someone for breakfast or a drink.
I don't mind going to a game with somebody.
I enjoy conversations about life and finding out what other people are doing.

It's true that I will choose to be alone more often than I will choose to be with people, but having the choice is a privilege that I will take advantage of as often as possible. Oftentimes, guarding one's spirit means sheltering it from people or at least certain types of people.
Understanding that some people need people and other people need quiet is a distinction that many fail to recognize.

"You do you," is a nice sentiment, but it doesn't always work in real life. 
Many times "doing you" means catering to the needs of others.

I doubt that today's post actually shares much in the way of wisdom. Maybe it will give you a different perspective so that you can find your own wisdom from within yourself.

John

Wednesday Wisdom (and other thoughts)

When I decided to cut my Mexico trip short, I noticed that the Springfield Cardinals would be in town this week and had a day game on Wednesday (today). I was looking forward to going -- until the forecast is for 50 (10 C) degrees at game time! 
Watching baseball in long pants and a jacket is not my idea of a great time. I've done it (Wrigley Field in April), but I think I'll take a pass today. There will be plenty of baseball later in the season.

I have gone from getting sweaty walking home from the coffee shop and getting into the pool to sipping my home brewed coffee in sweat pants and a sweat shirt. (side note: Why is pants plural?  I'm not wearing two of them.) It's a good thing I didn't pack them away with some of my other winter clothes.
 
     * * * * *

I've been thinking that I don't really like that Out of My Hat has turned into more of a daily diary than a blog with any kind of significant content. The thing that keeps me writing is that it seems to be good for me. Even the decision to write or not write brings a kind of thoughtful balance to my day. It's more about writing things down for my own benefit than about sharing thoughts. Reading comments and getting feedback is a bonus. Finding that others sometime have the same struggles and similar experiences or thoughts is comforting. Misery loves company, right?
The decline in overall readers over the years no longer bothers me. I'm sure that reducing my Facebook friends list from nearly 1,000 to around 250 and leaving the evangelical world had a lot to do with that. 
I'm doing just fine without the large community of fake, judgmental people and no longer feel pressured to live out a dual life myself -- the life people expect of me and my real life.

I very much appreciate my quiet, contemplative retired life.
I may not be doing much to bring about peace in the world, but neither am I doing much to stir up strife.
Maybe that's a win.

I'll keep writing for me, but maybe try to address significant content a little too.

John

April 1st -- No foolin'!

Perhaps the wisest thing I can do on April Fool's Day is to admit that I lack enough wisdom to share it regularly from this little read blog. Sharing the thoughts, quotes, and clever memes of others is the best I can do. 

The best I can offer is to encourage you to pause occasionally to embrace the moment and appreciate the good things in life. 

I have never been a big goal setter or big dream kind of person. I don't know that I have ever set a goal to be something or do something that required a real plan of action or steady commitment. Chris wanting a white picket fence and flowers in front of the house might have been the source of my biggest challenge and accomplishment -- and I'm okay with that.
Simply appreciating what I have and not competing in the societal game of doing more or having more than the next person is enough for me. 

There are days when I think I should have pursued a college degree of some kind -- mostly because I admire those that did, but I don't know how that would have made my life better. I still enjoy reading and learning about new things. I realize that a degree would give me credibility in certain fields, but I don't really need the credibility boost since I honestly don't care if most people believe me or not.

Today I get to do what I do.
I start the day listening to the birds and sipping good coffee.
I'll get my hands dirty by digging in the soil and working on restoring that large flowerbed.
I'll relax afterwards with a good Nicaraguan cigar.
And then Chris and I will meet some friends for dinner.
I'll finish the day reading a book on the deck with the night sounds of crickets, peeper frogs and coyotes in the background.
Just another day in the life of John.

I can't say that this was ever my goal or something that I actively worked for, but life has turned out pretty well.
And I'm not foolin'!

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

I wish I would have seen this 30 years ago!

John

February in the Ozarks!

Yesterday was coffee on the deck.  
Today I'm by the fireplace!
Must be February in the Ozarks!

No worries, though. Every day in February is a day closer to spring!
And I know there will be fewer freezing nights in the weeks to come.

I used the warmer days to do a little garden prep for some vegetables and sunflowers.
I also scattered some seeds from last year's cone flowers (Echinacea). I need to do some work in the flower beds -- cut back the Rugosa rose bush, clean out last year's zinnia stems. and re-rock and mulch the compass rose flower bed. There is plenty to do for the remaining days of February and for early March.

I have the recycling stuff loaded into the truck and will be making my way to Springfield to take it in. I have a little bit of glass and the center in Ozark doesn't take glass. Also, I need to make the Springfield run to pick up and drop off the shelter laundry anyway. I suppose it is good to have something to do on a day that's a little cool to be gardening.
It isn't really too cool to be gardening today. It's just too cool to be working outside in shorts and a t-shirt!

And I've been purposely people-ing --
Breakfast with a friend on Monday, dinner with small group tonight, Chaplain lunch meeting tomorrow and maybe Barchurch tomorrow evening. 
What is going on?

I ran across this quote for a little Wednesday Wisdom.
I wonder if you can be happy and be a philosopher.
Hmmm...?

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 "He who learns but does not think, is lost!
He who thinks but does not learn, is in great danger."
--Confucius

Wednesday Wisdom

 

The value of a day

 

Communication: Is it a lost art?

I think that people often communicate to deceive.
We have gotten so used to listening to people that try to control us by manipulative speech, that we have accepted that as normal and have maybe even started to communicate with others by trying to say what they want to hear while meaning something very different.

I doubt that most politicians or religious leaders (remember when those were very different kinds of people?) would agree with Quintilian. It seems that intentional ambiguity is the way of public speaking these days.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

John
 

Wednesday Wisdom

Reassurance or research
 

John

Wednesday Wisdom

Why do we listen to people with a platform but no credibility?
Why do we give opinions the same value as facts or science?
and Why do we let people get away with that shit?

John