Signs of Summer

I know -- winter isn't over yet, but it is always summer in my head.

I am a left-side sleeper and the window next to the bed faces primarily to the south. 
A couple of nights ago, I woke up around 3 AM. I opened my eyes and saw the clock on the nightstand and noted the time. Then my gaze shifted to look out the window and I thought -- "Hey, that's the constellation Scorpio!"
It made me smile and then I went back to sleep.

The Scorpion is a summer constellation.

It is still a few days until spring begins.
If you live in the northern hemisphere and have a sunny day:
Stand outside at noon (local STANDARD time) and your shadow will point to true north.
As summer ends in the southern hemisphere, your shadows will point due south.
It's just one of those equinox things.

As we look forward to longer days in the northern hemisphere, it dawns on me (yes, that's an astronomical pun) that people living near the equator never get to experience the joy of longer periods of sunlight. They pretty much get 12 and 12 all year long.
It's weird that I haven't really thought about that before.

John

Monday Meditation

Today's meditation comes very late in the day.
I think my working days (nights) for this cold weather season are over.
Although the shelter may still be open on some nights in March, there will be other people to cover those shifts and I will return to being one of societies non-productive (maybe the least productive) members. 

Naturally, I've been thinking about this past year.
I'm glad that I worked again this season. I am thinking that I would like to be gone for a portion of the winter next year, so I may just go back to volunteering during the parts of the winter that I am at home. 
There is a lot of time between now and then. Who knows what I'll be thinking next fall?

But...
This has been a good season.
I am glad that I was back working regularly this year.
Although it seemed that finding volunteers was more difficult this year, the ones that did show up more than picked up by doing extra work. Everybody was so willing to do whatever needed to be done.

I really feel fortunate to be associated with the coordinators and organizers of the city's shelter program. There is certainly much more that can be done, but we are doing what we can to help a few people make it through the coldest nights. The coordinators of the Fairbanks shelter are the best of the best and I believe their work is truly appreciated by the people that come seeking shelter for themselves and their pets. 
Last night one of the long time shelter users was telling me the reasons why this shelter is his favorite and why so many people want to be at our shelter. It said so much about the real care that people feel from our small part of the overall shelter system.

There have been a number of wonderful, personal interactions with our guests this year. And I have enjoyed the conversations I've had with our volunteers, especially the ones that spent an overnight shift with me.

Good people give me hope.

John

Another Beautiful Day in the Ozarks

It looks like today will be a beautiful day, but winter is returning for a short appearance beginning tomorrow. Today will be sunny and warm with the temperature reaching 73 (23c). Tomorrow the temperatures will begin to drop, reaching 21 (-6c) by Monday morning. We'll probably even get a little snow.
Winter is like that angry person that you think is finally leaving only to turn back and yell, "And another thing ...!"

The local seasonal meme making its rounds is this one:

Even as it warms back up in a few days, it is still early enough that we shouldn't be surprised by a few more freezing nights. 

I managed an afternoon of sitting in the sun and enjoying a cigar, a drink, and some reading yesterday. I hope to do the same again this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I will be getting ready for another night (or two) at the shelter. 

I've missed a couple of days posting something on Facebook with the #40DaysofGoodShit tag. That doesn't mean that I haven't recognized the good stuff in life. It just means that I have been spending less time on that site and hope to continue to do so. 
I am starting to explore Substack a little bit more and think I will like it once I figure it out. When I think about it, I've been sharing this blog over there, as well.

I hope to get back to my conversations with spiritual leaders on deconstruction next week. This has been a weird week as far as routine goes.  
But still -- I have a good life.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

I wish I would have seen this 30 years ago!

John

No Labels

It has been quite some time since I have done a Monday morning meditation post. Typically, I have been working overnight during the cold-weather shelter season. I have continued with Monday morning breakfasts even on warmer nights when the shelter is closed.
However, this week my breakfast partner had other plans, so I am back to my Monday morning coffee and quiet time.

As a part of my 2026 Lenten observance, I have been examining my spirituality and my overall life as I try to come to grips with who I am and who I am becoming. Initially I was just looking at the spirituality and just where my faith deconstruction has brought me, but I really don't have a spiritual persona that is different from who I really am. I don't think that has always been the case. Recent conversations have helped me to sort that out.

Past identities may have labeled me as an air traffic controller, an evangelist, a preacher, a magician, or a number of other labels. Today I feel like more of an anonymous retired guy -- and I like that the best. I am happy to exist in the world without feeling like I have to be somebody. I do strive to be a good and kind person, but I don't know that it's that important for others to see me that way. It's just important to me as I struggle to live life with the love that Jesus talks about in the gospels.

I've never accepted the "What you see is what you get" or "It's just the way I am" lines as excuses for bad behavior, but they don't sound as bad when they are reasons for kindness. I think that is worth striving for. But that's more of an internal goal. It's who I want to be more than who I want others to think I am. There is a great deal of freedom in not living to please everyone else.

One realization of not really caring what others might think of me is the reciprocal understanding that most people don't care about what I might think of them! There are, of course, exceptions to both sides of that, but I think it holds true in most cases.
Just as I don't want to live to please others, I can't expect that others are going to live or to change how they live to please me. 

"Live, and let live," sounds easier than it is.

Signed,
Anonymous retired guy

In Like a Lion...

The worst of last night's severe weather stayed west and north of us. Highlandville got some of the heavy rain associated with the system, but nothing in the way of tornadoes, hail, nor damaging winds.
Light rain will continue throughout the morning and there are now flood warnings due to the heavy rainfall and swollen rivers and streams.
Hello, March!

In other news...
I am a little bit ahead of my reading goal of 52 books this year. Truthfully, I don't know if it's a goal. It's probably more of an estimate of what I think I'll read this year. I have really been pleased with returning to reading for enjoyment. For many years I read only for learning or some kind of self-improvement. Reading and enjoying fiction since being retired is a wonderful way to spend a day or evening. Typically, I prefer to read over watching TV. 

I have also been enjoying some one-on-one conversations, lately. I've had three different, purposeful meetings with individuals this week. It is amazing how much wisdom you can gather through understanding someone else's life experiences and how they have handled or even mishandled those events.

Perhaps I should consider spending more time with people.
It is surprising how just typing those words sets off warning bells in my mind. I am at peace in my little world and I tend to be very protective of that peace. I would have to be selective of the people that I would choose to spend time with. I seldom walk away from chance encounters feeling better from the experience, so I am cautious about where I spend my time and energy. 
I also understand and appreciate the privilege I have in being able to choose to be alone and live in peace.

Today's rain won't get me down. Although there is work to be done outside, it is March and such weather is to be expected. Besides, I have flower seeds planted and they need the rain. My bulbs are starting to grow, and the hostas should be emerging soon. Rain is a good thing.

Watch for the constellation Leo the Lion rising in the night sky.
The constellation -- not the weather -- is where the "in like a lion" comes from.

John

Wednesday: How is your Lent going?

Good morning from the front porch of our home in Highlandville MO!
It looks to be another overcast day and this morning's 62 (18c) degrees could be the high for the day. 
No worries. 
We'll likely get a little rain this afternoon, and I am confident that we are not completely past the winter weather, but I am happy to see the signs of spring all around me.
Today we will have 11 hours and 29 minutes of daylight in Highlandville as we continue to add minutes approaching the spring equinox.

My Lenten practices are going -- meh, okay I guess. I have enjoyed the couple of spiritual leader conversations that I have had and am looking forward to more of those. My reading of Merton's diary is going slowly. It's not really what I was expecting, but it does give me some insight to his person and I think it will help understand his perspective should I read more of his writings. I have not done a good job of keeping up with my own gospel reading and diary.
Since it has only been two weeks, it is difficult to measure if I have been more purposeful about being around other people. One or two scheduled meetings with others is a significant step for me, so I guess I have done quite well. I've already had two people meets this week and have two more scheduled!

I have generally managed a #40DaysofGoodShit post to my Facebook page, even while spending much less time on my Chromebook or smartphone. I did miss yesterday, but posted on Sunday (not counted in the 40 days of Lent) so I guess I'm still good. As with most days, yesterday was good -- nothing special, but still a good day. I expect today to be the same. 

John

Coffee time!

I enjoy -- not just like -- but really enjoy a good cup of coffee. 
There is a guy at our church that roasts and sells coffee as a side hustle. It has been a little while since I have bought coffee from him (mostly because I don't actually go to church very often). A week ago I saw his wife and asked if he was still roasting coffee and she responded by telling me that he was at home roasting as we were speaking. I said if he was roasting Ethiopian beans, I wanted some.

He was and Tuesday morning I picked up a double order. 
Yesterday, I finished the last of my bulk Ethiopian beans from Mama Jeans, and I am now enjoying my natural washed, freshly roasted, freshly brewed Ethiopian beans from my friend. 
If you haven't already figured it out -- yes, Ethiopian origin coffees are my favorites!

Good coffee makes me happy.
It's not a jump up and down, celebration kind of happy. It's more like a sip and enjoy, contented kind of happy. That's what I am feeling this morning.

It is a grand way to begin a day!
Plus today is the second of my scheduled conversations with religious leaders about deconstruction. I am looking forward to it. 

The sun is shining and the temperature should make it to the mid 60s (17-18c) today. 
I have a lunch meeting planned, I might get a little gardening work in this afternoon, and I might just make it to Barchurch this evening.
It is shaping up to be a pretty fine day in the life of John!

John
#40DaysofGoodShit

Good Stuff

It's weird to realize that you haven't been on the internet much in the past few days. After a couple of days (nights) at the shelter I am on the Chromebook for the first time since Sunday afternoon. Admittedly, I do access several sites with my phone on a regular basis, but I am still a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to using everyday tech gadgets. 

I have worked with a few new volunteers or with people that have been volunteering on different nights recently. Our volunteers have such varying and interesting backgrounds and come to serve for different reasons. Several have been on the street themselves at some point and have a firsthand knowledge of how important shelters like ours are.

Over the years, I have worked with a couple of people that are fulfilling court mandated community service hours. One woman continued working past her hours because she said she liked doing the shelter work. Some volunteers are retired (like me), some are business owners, some are well educated and teach at a university, others are blue collar or service industry workers, some are between jobs. It is quite a variety of people we get to help our community through the coldest nights.
One of our regular volunteers gets clothing donations from friends and fills the closet every week when he works. 
It really encourages me to see so many good people doing good work and following in the path of loving our neighbors.
 
Each year, as we draw close to the end of the cold weather shelter season, I find myself saying that I am not going to be back next year and think of spending the winter months someplace where winter isn't really a thing, But the need will still be here and something compels me to return and serve in some capacity. There is a part of my brain that keeps telling me that I am getting too old for this shit, but then my regular overnight helper that is five years older shows up makes me realize that it's just an excuse to justify not doing it. 

I really don't know what next winter will hold for me. The draw to be warm pulls me southward. But if I am here, I will likely be back at the shelter for part of that time.

Today, I am satisfied and encouraged.
I am happy that there are good people doing good things in a world that makes so much more of the bad stuff.
#40DaysofGoodShit

John

Deconstructed Faith Bros

Where are the deconstructed faith bros of Southwest Missouri (SWMO)?
One of the weird things about looking for religious leaders to talk to about their new faith walk is realizing that the "out" leaders are mostly women.

I'm wondering if the men are just quietly going along their ways solo (kind of like me) or if there just aren't that many in this highly patriarchal, highly misogynistic, religiously fundamental corner of the world?

I know I don't have a large following at all, much less here in SWMO, so if anybody knows of deconstructed male leaders that are here in SWMO I would like to know about them too -- even if they are no longer in the religion business. (Can we be honest and admit that religion is really just another business?)

I had a recent conversation with an older (my age) gay man that said he didn't come out to himself until he was 50. He is now retired and still struggles to come out openly to people because of the religious backlash that exists in this fundamentally conservative and homophobic area. 
Maybe coming out as deconstructed produces a similar fear. I know that I lost a large number of "friends" and acquaintances over speaking up against injustices of churches and for not bending to the political leanings of church people. Critical thinking is not a friend of those that control religious people.

Just some observations.
Anyway, if you know of someone drop me a message or leave me a comment. Comments posted to the blog (not Facebook) are moderated so they won't be made public if you tell me the info is just for me personally.

It's only Day 3 of Lent.
How are you doing?

John