My Plans vs My Expectations

In a few hours, Chris and a friend will be on their way to visit the Colorado kids and I'll be left home alone for a week. In spite of the cool, rainy forecast, I hope to catch up on the gardening and unending yard work in which I seem to have fallen far behind already. 
I may go to barchurch tonight and I have a ticket for Monday evening's baseball game. I am not expecting any other people gatherings other than those encountered while running errands or something.
I may decide on a coffee shop morning at some point. Coffee and a little conversation might be a nice change. Hit me up if you're interested.

While I truly would like to get lots of work done, the cool, damp weather may end up being a convenient excuse for not doing much. Some days it is just difficult for me to get motivated to do much.
As with most readers, my reading list is longer than I can complete in a decade and still growing, so sitting with a book and a beverage is always an option. 

Even as I make the plans to work a bunch, my expectations are that I will work more than I might normally, but not accomplish near as much as planning John would like. In the end, I know that I will remain a happy boy. 
I do expect to fire up the smoker at some point. I have a new meat thermometer that I need to try and a pork butt that will be good for a test run. I may also throw a turkey breast on the smoker while I'm at it. 

Big plans, low expectations.
Slow mornings. 
Easy working afternoons.
Quiet evenings with a cigar and a beverage.
Just another day in the life of...

John.

Books (and upping my reading game)

I'm thinking about upping my reading game.
In 2002, the Norwegian Book Club compiled a list of the 100 best books of all time as voted on by 100 writers from 54 different countries. You can find The World Library List here.

I know that I have read some of these like 1984 or The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in school, as well as several Shakespeare works and some of Poe's writings. I can't honestly say that I remember much about them. A number of these titles are on our book shelves or tucked away in boxes. I have to say that I find the list and the challenge to read these 100 books to be quite intimidating, especially the list of foreign titles.

Nevertheless, since I generally have more than one book going at a time, I plan to start checking some of these off -- even if it's just to say that I have or to sound more intellectual than I actually am.
I am about 85% of the way through my current non-fiction read, so maybe I'll be reading some Shakespeare over the holiday weekend.

What are you reading?

John 

Mind, Body, Spirit

I feel pretty good in two of the three -- mind and spirit.
That's not to say that they are completed projects. Like a garden, they need regular care and maintenance.

The body, however, is a wasteland of neglect. It's been fed crap and been sitting idle for far too long. My short bursts of activity are no substitute for regular exercise. Even a daily walk would be better than the nothing I have been doing.

Yesterday, I decided to combine the task of mowing with exercise and used the push mower to mow about half of the yard area near the house. I'm estimating it is about 1/2 to 2/3 of an acre. The plan is to finish it today.
I'm not going to lie -- I feel it this morning.

Wile it is true that some yard work/gardening is laborious and makes for good exercise, most of it is just activity. Activity is better than nothing, but I don't know that it is of great benefit to one's overall health and well being. Some time ago there was an old man that told me, "John, if I'd have known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

I would like to stick around and enjoy a long life, but I don't want to be miserable and unable to get around or be on a ton of medication.

While Monday Meditation tends to focus on the mind and spirit, today's thoughts are more about bringing the physical body along for the ride.
Reading and puzzle solving games are good mental exercises that I get on just about a daily basis.
Regular meditation and awareness of the life and nature that is around me and within me takes care of the spiritual stuff.
Unfortunately, I really don't do anything for the body.
That needs to change -- not just for today me, but also for future me. 

I recently read that without knowing it, we often hurt the person we should love the most by the decisions we make today. That person is our future self.
Hmmm...
That's probably worth thinking about.

John

Retirement does not suck -- or does it?

I've had a few conversations with soon-to-be retirees, and a few questions and comments about how I have adjusted to retired life. I found this article to be an interesting one, although I'm not sure that it applies to me in a significant way.  

While I very much enjoyed my career as an air traffic controller, I don't think that I ever really made that my identity. The same can be said about being an evangelist, except I would say that my identity was more tied to that than to the full-time gig.
I also very much enjoyed the magic hobby while never really identifying as a magician.

Oddly enough, perhaps the common thing of the three is teaching. 
I don't think I would do well as a classroom teacher where students are forced to be there. College level courses that students choose might be different. 
I think preaching and teaching have many similarities and the magic was really just a tool I used in sharing lessons from the bible.
I think I would still enjoy sharing information in a similar way, but it isn't something that is a part of how I see myself or necessary for my well being.

I think I am mostly quiet because most people aren't really listening and talking is just a waste of time. People want to hear themselves speak. They don't really want to listen. Some people will engage in conversation by asking questions and then interrupt your answer to continue to dominate the conversation. 

I am glad that I truly enjoy my retirement. I'm happy that the transition was an easy one for me. I can certainly see how it might be more difficult for others of my generation.

Perhaps the most striking statement from the article is -- "The CDC, incidentally, reports that men over sixty-five have the highest suicide rate of any demographic in the United States."
If you are nearing retirement or already facing the breakdown of losing your purpose or identity, maybe it is time to reach out for some help.

Personally, I'm content with the old, retired guy identity.

John

Thursday Theology

I've been thinking (WARNING!!!),
Does it really matter what I think about (or if I think about) God?

I recently saw an illustration that showed if our sun was the size of a single red blood cell, our galaxy (the Milky Way) would be the size of the United States of America!
Our Milky Way Galaxy is just one of around 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe.

I mention the grand size of the universe to justify my thought that the Creator of all of this probably doesn't care what John thinks about God (or about anything else, for that matter).
However, I do think that what John thinks about God matters to John and to the people with whom John interacts.

A God big enough and powerful enough to create such a grand universe is too far outside of my understanding capability. 
Having said that, I feel that it is important to note that I do believe in the existence of a Creator, and God works out to be an accepted name for this Creator. In all honesty, I'm still trying to work out how the person of Jesus works into the whole picture. It is contradictory to say that we are too insignificant for God to take note of us and then also believe that this same God would personally visit us to set us on the right path of how we are to live and love throughout our insignificant lives.

From observing nature from its simplest parts to the vastness of the universe, I have deduced that our Creator loves harmony. From the instinct driven societies of ants to the trillions of complex galaxies that exist, there seems to be both chaos and order and yet both exist in a harmonic dance that defies understanding.
While nature tends to create things in order, it also devolves into chaos.
It's the circle of life. (cue The Lion King music)

Some life circles are relatively short and small. In the case of our sun, it is a bit longer -- about 10 billion years.
My point here is that I really can't begin to comprehend eternity. I need to keep things at a level that I can understand. I understand that I can be a decent person today, or I can be a jerk. I think I have spent more than my share of time being a jerk, so maybe I'll try being kind today. 
It is a little weird that a one time Southern Baptist evangelist no longer cares about eternal life but instead believes that he (I) needs to focus on the actual life being lived. It's also weird that the teachings of Jesus are more about living life than about what comes next.
Hmmm...?

John 

Wednesday Wisdom

I know that the algorithms that drive social media accounts tend to fill your feed with the things you respond to most often -- whether they be self affirming or fear mongering, your reactions drive the types of ads and articles that will appear.

Here are a few of the things that have appeared in my feeds recently.

This is an excerpt from a longer thread. The question asked poses some interesting thoughts.

These next two were together and I think they fit me well. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. It is just true that they fit well.

I really do enjoy my alone time.
I like working alone in my yard and garden.
I like my morning coffee time alone.
I like going to ballgames alone.
I don't mind long drives alone.

Don't get me wrong, here. I also enjoy time with people.
I enjoy meeting someone for breakfast or a drink.
I don't mind going to a game with somebody.
I enjoy conversations about life and finding out what other people are doing.

It's true that I will choose to be alone more often than I will choose to be with people, but having the choice is a privilege that I will take advantage of as often as possible. Oftentimes, guarding one's spirit means sheltering it from people or at least certain types of people.
Understanding that some people need people and other people need quiet is a distinction that many fail to recognize.

"You do you," is a nice sentiment, but it doesn't always work in real life. 
Many times "doing you" means catering to the needs of others.

I doubt that today's post actually shares much in the way of wisdom. Maybe it will give you a different perspective so that you can find your own wisdom from within yourself.

John

Nature's Ongoing Joke

Why are the weeds so proficient and yet I struggle to cultivate flowers or vegetables?
It seems that agriculture is man's constant war with nature. To produce abundant crops we use pesticides and herbicides and genetically modified seeds. Nature naturally (of course) spreads her seeds and plants grow!
It does seem kind of crazy, doesn't it?

We seem to spend a lot of time and energy fighting against nature when working with nature seems to be more beneficial. Currently, the US government is working against green energy like electricity generated from wind. It appears to be a personal battle rather than a scientific one, but there really isn't a surprise there. Empirical evidence and intellectual knowledge have little to do with anything our current administration does.

Although I rarely undertake household projects myself, adding some solar power on a smaller scale is one that I have considered in the past and may look into again. I'm not interested in trading an energy bill for a solar panel installation bill or I'd just hire somebody that does that. I definitely need to do some more research.

We did add an old energy saving device recently -- a clothesline! 
I can't say it uses solar power because it's on the shaded deck. At best it uses indirect sunlight, a little wind, and mostly just allows clothes to hang and dry naturally.
It is a retractable pair of lines so that it is out of the way when not in use.
While the deck prevents direct sunlight, it also screens line items from the devastating effects of birds that have been feasting on the nearby mulberry bushes! It is also much more convenient than carrying baskets of wet laundry down the steps to a line in the backyard. 
Chris wasted no time in using our newly installed air dryer and hung our freshly washed sheets and pillow cases out to dry shortly after I finished putting it up. I am certain that it will get plenty of use throughout the summer. It probably won't save a great deal in energy costs, but it is nice to do a little something that feels a little green and is better for some of our clothes.

I suppose it is time to figure out how I am going to work with and against nature today. There is always work to be done.

John 

Sunday morning thoughts

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and mothers!

     * * * * *

I've mostly enjoyed being lazy these past few days. The outside work that I have accomplished has been pretty minimal. I need to get busy. I haven't yet caught up on the work I missed while gone and yet new things are piling up while I'm going to baseball games or smoking cigars!
Unfortunately, I am unburdened by worry and it will all get done in due time -- or maybe it won't.
As I said -- I am unburdened by worry.

Thursday morning I began a Thursday Theology post that went unfinished and unpublished. I didn't delete it (yet) and I may get back to it at some point. It is difficult to express my thoughts on God and how all of the faith/spiritual stuff now figures into my life and personal being. It's quite far removed from how I once believed it all should. My personal deconstruction has gone much further than others that I have talked to about their own deconstruction journey, so it feels a little lonely out here. Heresy has few friends -- even among heretics.
I think I still have too many questions to be able to say that I firmly believe in something. Maybe I will continue the post by finding those things that I do believe in (for now) and work around the things that I will forever question.

     * * * * *

What are you reading?
I have read 24 books of my 52 book goal and am currently reading The Buddha and the Bee: Biking through America's Forgotten Roadways on an Accidental Journey of Discovery by Cory Mortensen (non-fiction), and The Watchmaker's Daughter by C. J. Archer (fiction).

Be well, my friends!

John

Wednesday Wisdom (and other thoughts)

When I decided to cut my Mexico trip short, I noticed that the Springfield Cardinals would be in town this week and had a day game on Wednesday (today). I was looking forward to going -- until the forecast is for 50 (10 C) degrees at game time! 
Watching baseball in long pants and a jacket is not my idea of a great time. I've done it (Wrigley Field in April), but I think I'll take a pass today. There will be plenty of baseball later in the season.

I have gone from getting sweaty walking home from the coffee shop and getting into the pool to sipping my home brewed coffee in sweat pants and a sweat shirt. (side note: Why is pants plural?  I'm not wearing two of them.) It's a good thing I didn't pack them away with some of my other winter clothes.
 
     * * * * *

I've been thinking that I don't really like that Out of My Hat has turned into more of a daily diary than a blog with any kind of significant content. The thing that keeps me writing is that it seems to be good for me. Even the decision to write or not write brings a kind of thoughtful balance to my day. It's more about writing things down for my own benefit than about sharing thoughts. Reading comments and getting feedback is a bonus. Finding that others sometime have the same struggles and similar experiences or thoughts is comforting. Misery loves company, right?
The decline in overall readers over the years no longer bothers me. I'm sure that reducing my Facebook friends list from nearly 1,000 to around 250 and leaving the evangelical world had a lot to do with that. 
I'm doing just fine without the large community of fake, judgmental people and no longer feel pressured to live out a dual life myself -- the life people expect of me and my real life.

I very much appreciate my quiet, contemplative retired life.
I may not be doing much to bring about peace in the world, but neither am I doing much to stir up strife.
Maybe that's a win.

I'll keep writing for me, but maybe try to address significant content a little too.

John

Monday Meditation

It is the first Monday in May and I am enjoying my coffee on the deck. The wake up temperature was a breezy 60 (15 C) degrees and looks like it will be another beautiful day in the Ozarks.

As I sit and sip my coffee, I am contemplating the simplicity of my life and wondering if I would benefit from a more active appreciation of it. I'm wondering if I should be seeking things to enjoy rather than just passively enjoying what comes my way. 
In truth, I should be doing both. It's just that I haven't ever really considered actively pursuing appreciation of the world around me. 

What would that look like?
Is planning to go to the river or lake with my kayak a more active appreciation of nature if my purpose is to enjoy nature? Is it different from kayaking for exercise and then realizing the beauty that surrounds me?
I think that I am generally appreciative of the good things in life. I'm not sure that I ever really seek them out. Also, I'm not really sure that I need to. Maybe finding good in tough situations is something to consider.

It is easy to sit here in the peacefulness of the morning and appreciate the sights and sounds of the morning. 
It's easy to work the soil and "see" the future flowers that will bloom in a few weeks.
But sometimes it feels too easy. Sometimes it feels like I should have to do something to earn the right to experience the beauty that surrounds me.
Maybe that is a part of the gift -- the beauty exists whether or not we recognize it. Maybe it doesn't matter if we seek it out or if we notice it in passing. The moment that we find it or recognize it is the same. Either one is enough to steal our breath for a moment and force us to pause to admire both the simplicity and complexity of the world around us. 
Maybe just being aware enough to notice the beauty around us is the key.

It's just stuff I'm thinking about this morning.

John