Reading

I am ahead of pace to reach my 52 books for the year. It seems that I've been reading quite a bit lately, but I do expect that pace to slow as the weather warms up, there are more activities to occupy my time, and baseball season gets into full swing (so to speak).
Thursday ends the 14th week of the year and I just finished book number 20. I've been reading some action/adventure stuff similar to Jack Reacher style books -- easy to read, fast paced, purely entertainment.

I use my Kindle Unlimited subscription so I do pay to read "free" books, but I also download free books from other sources. Sometimes (not often) I use the Libby app to borrow e-books from the library. I should probably read a few more non-fiction books and maybe learn something along the way. Either way, I figure a decent book is better than scrolling through social media apps and reading the crap that's posted there. An entertaining novel is way better than the brain rotting fiction of Facebook.

I still haven't adapted to audio books. I've listened to two while on long drives, but I can't see using them in any other situation. If you are an audio book "reader" I would be interested in hearing about how and when you use them. Although I almost always use my Kindle, I still like the feel of reading an actual book.

G J Wagner and T L Payne are two authors that I've read recently and like their books and style of writing. Wagner's 8th book in the Jonathan Hunt series was just released on Sunday and I will be starting it sometime later today.

What are you reading?

John

It's Easter -- and I have questions!

This isn't meant to be a heretical kind of post
...unless asking questions is an act of heresy.
Honestly, it does feel like that sometimes. People in control hate having to answer hard questions or defend their stance with something more than -- that's just the way it is, or because I said so. It's so much easier if we just accept what we've been taught and move on.

But...
That's not me.
At least, not anymore.

In my faith deconstruction I pretty much examine and question everything.
At this time of the Liturgical Calendar I wonder about the death and resurrection of Jesus.
In Catholic, Protestant, and Evangelical churches forgiveness is a necessary part of salvation.
I get that, but we are also taught that one must seek forgiveness in order to be forgiven.
And I'm not sure that is true.

If I can forgive someone that isn't sorry, why can't God?
Evangelicals teach that you have to admit you are a sinner and ask for forgiveness, but on the cross Jesus said -- Father, forgive them. They don't even know what they're doing.
How did the church come up with something so opposite?

Did Jesus have to die?
Substitutionary atonement has become the main salvation theology over the past few hundred years, but it hasn't always been that way. Did his death pay the price for our sins? Was that the condition for forgiveness from a God that loves us unconditionally?
Do you see why I have questions?

Here's another one --
How necessary is the resurrection?
When Jesus surrendered his spirit and said -- It is finished --what was he talking about?
Was it like -- That's it! I'm outta here! -- or something else?
Was his death necessary for our salvation and now he was dead, so it was (is) finished?
And if it was finished, is the resurrection necessary for our salvation?
Or was it just a cool God thing, you know -- God can't die, so I'm back! -- kind of thing?

Reconstructing faith after a serious deconstruction can be messy business. It's like going through a hoarder's storage unit and deciding if there is anything worth keeping. You might not even know why you have most things to begin with. There are probably some important things mixed in with the garbage and you need to find those gems and remember their value while letting everything else go.

I sincerely hope that you don't come here for answers. As the title of this post indicates -- I don't have answers. I have questions. Asking challenging questions shouldn't be an act of heresy. It is an opportunity for somebody to offer reasonably thought-out and defensible answers.
Teach me.

For what it's worth -- I like the stuff Jesus taught.
I like the idea that everybody is my neighbor -- even the people that religions or borders say shouldn't be.
I like that we should take care of each other and help people that are in need of a little help.
I like that we should forgive people and send them on their way without the burden of guilt or weight of a debt to be paid.
I like that heaven is here. It is within us. It is around us. 
I like that I can see the spirit of Jesus -- the spirit of God -- in the lives of others.
And maybe that is what the resurrection is all about -- being able to recognize the Christ that lives on in each of us.

Do you have answers?
Let's talk.

John

Good Friday

I'm sitting outside of an Ozark coffee shop this morning, sipping an Ethiopian drip and hearing (but not really listening to) the traffic at a steadily busy intersection near Hwy 65. I am feeling a little weird about not having any real feelings nor emotions about it being Good Friday.

I can't say that I was ever heavily invested in emotions or feelings around Good Friday. However, there was always an awareness that it is a special day in Christianity. I don't have that same feeling about it anymore. Neither do I feel a great importance towards Easter or even Christmas.
The more I look at the life and the teachings of Jesus, the less likely I am to worship Jesus as God or as a god, and the more likely I am to become suspicious of religion and all of its trappings -- like Christmas and Easter.
I honestly don't think that Jesus would have wanted it this way.

I don't believe that Jesus ever wanted his life and teachings to be used to control and manipulate others. I do believe that his teachings are to change us and individuals and as a collective society. 
The -- remove the plank in your own eye before helping your brother with the speck in their eye -- is a pretty big clue that it's about fixing ourselves and not others.
And yet nearly all of Christianity is focused on the sins of everyone else and controlling/motivating people based on the fear of what fiery hell awaits those that don't bow down and worship an angry god.
On the one hand we have Sunday school stories about three Hebrew boys that stand up to an evil king that insists everybody bows to his statue or get thrown into the fiery furnace and on the other hand we a (supposedly) good God that does the exact same thing.

Religion isn't just weird.
It's totally effed up.

Whether you celebrate the weekend as the death and resurrection of Jesus or you're just in it for the candy -- I hope you have a good weekend.
And we can all make it a good Friday -- just by being kind to one another.

John

April 1st -- No foolin'!

Perhaps the wisest thing I can do on April Fool's Day is to admit that I lack enough wisdom to share it regularly from this little read blog. Sharing the thoughts, quotes, and clever memes of others is the best I can do. 

The best I can offer is to encourage you to pause occasionally to embrace the moment and appreciate the good things in life. 

I have never been a big goal setter or big dream kind of person. I don't know that I have ever set a goal to be something or do something that required a real plan of action or steady commitment. Chris wanting a white picket fence and flowers in front of the house might have been the source of my biggest challenge and accomplishment -- and I'm okay with that.
Simply appreciating what I have and not competing in the societal game of doing more or having more than the next person is enough for me. 

There are days when I think I should have pursued a college degree of some kind -- mostly because I admire those that did, but I don't know how that would have made my life better. I still enjoy reading and learning about new things. I realize that a degree would give me credibility in certain fields, but I don't really need the credibility boost since I honestly don't care if most people believe me or not.

Today I get to do what I do.
I start the day listening to the birds and sipping good coffee.
I'll get my hands dirty by digging in the soil and working on restoring that large flowerbed.
I'll relax afterwards with a good Nicaraguan cigar.
And then Chris and I will meet some friends for dinner.
I'll finish the day reading a book on the deck with the night sounds of crickets, peeper frogs and coyotes in the background.
Just another day in the life of John.

I can't say that this was ever my goal or something that I actively worked for, but life has turned out pretty well.
And I'm not foolin'!

John

Lessons Learned while Gardening

It is true that I spend a fair amount of time thinking about living somewhere near a beach in Mexico. However, it is also true that on mornings like this one, it is hard to imagine life being better than it is right here at our home in SWMO.

It is warm enough to enjoy coffee on the deck in shorts and a t-shirt. 
The plants are back on the deck shelves from their winter spot next to the basement windows.
The trees along the treeline are beginning to bud and turn green.
The birds are being their loud and active selves on this sunny day.
And other than the distant traffic noises from the nearby highway, there isn't any human interference into my peaceful and serene start to my day.

After posting about short sleeping, I have to admit that I slept an additional cycle last night. It was a wonderful seven and a half hours of restful, restorative sleep. 
Some yard work is more strenuous than on other days, and yesterday was one of those days. I am working on restoring a flowerbed that was neglected last year and it will take several days at my retired-guy pace. Any garden work that includes shoveling soil in SWMO is work for this fat, old guy. As much as I generally hate getting started, it's really not bad work. Imagining how it will look in a month or so is good motivation.

Gardening and working in the soil has become a kind of meditative spiritual practice for me. The connection to the earth connects me to the Creator in a way that I really can't describe. Making that Creator connection while trying to figure out the nature of plants and what makes them grow is way more peaceful and fulfilling than trying to do that with people. 
But caring for the plants teaches me about dealing with people.

Different plants require different care.
Some require richer soil and some seem to thrive anywhere.
Some need lots of sunshine, while others need shade.
Some need plenty of water and others get by with very little.
Some do better with occasional pruning  and care and others are best if left alone.
Some grow best where they are planted. Others do well with a guarded start and transplanting.

Some plants are favorite foods for the birds and bugs.
Some provide food for people.
Some smell nice and are beautiful to look at.
Some are dangerous to touch.
Some are medicinal.
Some are deadly.

Do you see what I mean?
I think learning to deal with plants can teach us a lot about dealing with people.
But I am a slow learner, so I think I'll be spending lots of time in the garden.

I'm going to have another cup of coffee and then it will be time for the lessons to begin.
Be well, my friends.
I hope we all learn something today.

John

Sleeping

I would say I am a short sleeper, which is a relatively rare thing. I spent most of my career on 4.5 to 6 hours of sleep and a power nap (17 minutes) or two during the day and evening hours. Even in retirement, I still feel pretty good after 6 hours of sleep.
However, I don't fit the highly driven, energetic, Type A personality characteristics of a typical short sleeper, so maybe not.

I typically wake up once (after 1 sleep cycle) to go to the bathroom and then sleep through the remaining sleep cycles of the night. Last night I decided to not fight the yawns and went to bed a little earlier than usual and slept 6 consecutive hours. I feel good this morning. I am well rested and ready to take on the day.
As a retired guy, I generally say that I get up when I'm finished sleeping. 
This morning that just happened to be at 5:30. 

I've been sleeping out on the deck this past week as it has been really nice weather for that. One night I woke up and saw the constellation of the Scorpion directly in front of me. The back deck faces about 10-15 degrees east of due south and I thought -- Hmmm, must be about 3 o'clock.
I looked at my phone to check the time and it was 2:59!
When I woke up in the morning, the sky was getting light with the rising sun and I thought -- 7 o'clock. It was 6:56.
I was so impressed with myself that I decided to share that here!

I think that sleep is a bigger deal that most people make it out to be. Most people do well on around 8 hours per night, but just as some of us can function well on considerably less there are those that need more. And honestly, most people (at least in the US) don't get enough.
Healthy diets and exercise get most of the dialogue time and good sleep gets very little. 

There are plenty of studies and much has been written about how to get better sleep, but most people pay little attention to that and assume that out bodies will just figure it out. Unfortunately, not all sleep is good sleep. I consider myself fortunate that I am generally a good sleeper as well as a short sleeper. Maybe those two things go together -- I don't know.

How well do you sleep?
Do you get enough sleep?
What can you do to improve your sleep quality and/or quantity?
Do you prioritize getting enough good sleep?

Sleeping well is a very passive part of good health, but it is also a very important part. We should definitely give it more attention than we do.

John

Fun Facts

Most of us are aware that some words began as acronyms that made their way in the English language as common words.
For example: 
laser - light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation
scuba - self contained underwater breathing apparatus
radar - radio detection and ranging

Here's one that I just learned -- taser, named for its inventor, Thomas A. Swift's electric rifle! 

John

State of Mind

When I look at the state of the United States of America I become disheartened by the politics, the division, and the overall lack of regard for the well-being of the country and the global community. I am truly embarrassed by the bullshit coming from our nation's capital.
When I look at the state of religion I am equally disheartened. Radical, nationalized Christianity is no different than radical Islam and in no way resembles the beliefs and practices of its origins.

People suck.

I'd like to say that I am encouraged by the good acts of people that stand up for each other and are kind to one another. But in truth, the good deeds of good people barely make a dent in the evil deeds of the powerful.

I will spend another day away from people. 
I will work in the yard and listen to music from the past (classic rock).
I will celebrate the seeds going in the ground and the flowers that are emerging.
I will wait patiently for the return of the hummingbirds and migrating butterflies.
I will connect to the Creator through creation.
Today is a day of self preservation.

Yeah, it is sad when one's personal religion means staying away from people and from the news that impacts the world. Unfortunately, this is my current state of mind.
My new religion of Be Kind and Do Good from earlier this week will have to wait while I bulk up for the exposure to the world outside of my small 5 acre plot in Highlandville MO.

Maybe Fr Rohr's words are more hopeful and less discouraging than my own. Even so, they do convey a frustration with religion and religious people.

Be well, my friends.
Take care of yourselves.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

John

My New Religion

 At 47,000+ Christian denominations it is obvious that we have many differing opinions of how we are supposed to believe, behave, or just be. This doesn't even count the other 4,000 to 10,000 distinct religions in the world. While it might be obvious that they all can't be right, it is possible that they are all wrong.

I can understand how we have so many different ideas about just what following Jesus looks like. In talking to others about their religious (Christian) deconstruction, I am finding that their journeys and mine are also very different from one another. 
Many hold fast to some core beliefs while dismissing behaviors and traditional practices, while others completely abandon what they have been taught. 
Sometimes there is a type of reconstruction or new faith that is obtained. Oftentimes there is not.

Personally, I struggle more with the reconstruction part. 
Having dismissed the controlling bullshit part of religion -- What am I left with? and What do I do now?
I don't know if -- Be a good person and do the right thing -- is a religion, but I think it should be.

I am no longer burdened by the threat of hell, nor enticed by the hope of heaven. I will let God and eternity deal with those things. I am just going to work on what I can do ... today.
I'm going to meet someone for a quick lunch, run some errands (buy coffee), and do a few things around the house. It isn't much.

Maybe I will find a way to be an encouragement to somebody.
I don't know. 
I often say that I am a non-productive member of society. It goes with the territory of staying the f**k away from people. But I am also a non-destructive member of society. At least I try to be.

Recycle, reduce, reuse -- right?
Do no harm.
Plant flowers for the birds, bees, and butterflies.
Mind my own business.
Making the world a better place by staying away from people.

It's not very religious.
I might make it my new religion anyway.

Just some thoughts in my head this morning.
John