Random Conversations and Unwanted Gifts

I get sharing confidential things or personally meaningful things with close friends. But I sometimes get people that are barely acquaintances sharing those types of things with me. It happened with co-workers and it still happens with random people I encounter. 

An older woman who is a widow sharing how lonely she gets living by herself.
A man I barely know telling me about his wife's recent dementia diagnosis.
Overnight guests at the shelter sharing personal struggles.
I don't think any of them expect anything. They just need to vent and need somebody to hear them and to see them.

Not long ago, a gay man that really isn't out yet, shared his story and his struggles with me. We are close to the same age, share a few life things in common and were sort of randomly paired together to work at an overnight shelter. It was the first time we met.
At the end of a long conversation, I felt compelled to ask -- Why me? What made you feel safe enough to share this with me?
Honestly, he looked a little shocked, like he just realized what he had done. But then he recovered and said - I don't know. You just felt safe.

If it turns out that my "gift" is to put out a peaceful vibe that puts stressed out people at ease -- well, I guess that's okay. But I don't have the training nor the education to know what to do -- other than to just listen.
Maybe listening without judgement and without offering advice is what people want and need.
Maybe people don't share because sharing generally opens up a window of condemnation.
Maybe they are not looking for advice on how to be fixed or to have their problem solved.
Maybe they just need a safe place and a quiet moment to rest from their struggles.

I don't know.
And I don't understand how (or why) I get to be that person.
Do you ever find yourself in a position that you are surprisingly well suited for, yet you are a bit uncomfortable with it?

I think many people that have known me are questioning the judgment of the people that confide in me -- John? Really?
In my head I tell myself -- I'm too old for this shit.
I think I've been dealt some pretty crappy super-powers -- short sleeper, power napper, good listener.
Makes me wanna say -- F*#k!

John

Summer in the Ozarks

Late July in the Ozarks of SWMO is going to be hot and usually pretty humid. It appears that we will get a break on the humid part as the temperature pushes the 100 degree mark (38 C). 
Although it is going to be hot and I don't spend as much time outside as I used to in the summertime, I don't think we've had a 100 degree day yet this summer. While I am a believer in man made climate change, sometimes it's just hot because that is the nature of summer in the Ozarks.

I've been a bit lazy this past week and put off some yard work that needs to be done. It's not that I've been entirely lazy; I've managed to do some less strenuous things, but the yard work hasn't done itself, so...
I guess today will be the day.
The plan is to begin before it gets too hot.
Work until I've had enough.
Cool off by relaxing in the pool.

Yeah, it's a tough life.

Motivation to get started is often my greatest challenge. Admittedly, I am a slow starter in the day. Sitting and sipping coffee is a simple, slow start that I greatly enjoy. The sedentary inertia requires great effort to overcome. I often allow myself the distractions of reading one more chapter, solving one more puzzle, or playing one more game before getting started. Before I know it -- it is late in the morning and getting hot enough to discourage much outside work.

As I said, the past week wasn't entirely unproductive. I did manage to make a couple of adjustments to our screen doors, re-pot several succulents and some cone flowers, re-organize our freezer to make room for some frozen meat that we bought, and unpack some new nightstands -- the first pieces of some new bedroom furniture to arrive.
In addition to the normal home owner stuff, it looks like I have a couple of people engagements on the schedule for the coming week. I might need some extra pool time to keep things in balance.

Stay cool,
John

Holy smokes! Twenty years of Out of My Hat!

I just realized that today is my Blogoversary!

I have been fortunate enough to get to meet several of my fellow bloggers and readers, and have enjoyed the virtual connections that I have made in the past twenty years. Many of the bloggers that I once followed have long since disappeared into the virtual void, but a few are still posting regularly. 
It's too bad I can't reach out to virtually invite all of those previous posters and readers to drop in and say hi for my 20th blogoversary party.

But you are here!
Thank you for stopping by.

John

Short sleepers

I've generally considered myself to be a short sleeper. It seems that six hours is a full night's sleep for me (still) and I often managed on 4.5 hours per night when I was working. Sometimes I will add an additional sleep cycle and get 7.5 hours, but I typically wake up and get up after 6 hours.

However, it appears that short sleeping as a genetic trait is pretty rare, so I don't know if I am a genetic short sleeper or not. The odds of getting struck by lightning are greater than the odds of being a genetic short sleeper.
I suppose it's too bad that I am not more productive in my waking hours. I am content to sip coffee and scroll the internet in the morning, read books during the day and evening, and likely enjoy a good cigar at some point on many days. Short sleeping should not be wasted on an untalented, uneducated, and unmotivated person such as myself. More waking hours should be associated with doing more for humanity or contributing to society in some small way. I consider that staying away from people on most days is my gift to society.

It is interesting to read about it and find that science is discovering more about it and has narrowed down several (4) genetic markers associated with short sleeping. I don't know if power napping is associated with short sleeping in any way, or if I am just fortunate enough to have both. 

I suppose it is a blessing that I am content to contemplate life and not be bored with these extra hours I have every day.
If you had an extra two hours every day, how would you spend them?

John

More on books and reading

It's been just over 3 weeks since I dropped my Kindle Unlimited subscription and I have not been without something to read in that time. In fact, I find myself rushed to finish what I'm reading because a book I was waiting for became available through the Libby app.
One of the downsides has been that some of the authors that I enjoyed reading seem to have published their works with Amazon and they are only available through Kindle by purchase or free with a Kindle Unlimited subscription.

I haven't even checked out any of the many free e-book sites that are out there and I still have more than I can keep up with. 

What a privilege it is to be able to read, to enjoy reading, and to have an abundance of material literally at my finger tips!
Also, having the leisure time to be able to sit and enjoy a book is a privilege that I do not take for granted. I am grateful for this life I have.

What are you reading?

John
 

War Crimes

War crimes are such a weird concept to me.
War itself is such a violent act against humanity that defining some parts of war as criminal and other parts as acceptable is just mind blowing.

Way back in the mid 60s when Star Trek was introducing some pretty progressive ideas by imagining a future world, there was an episode where two neighboring planets had been at war with each other for centuries, but they had cleaned things up by using computers to determine the number of casualties in an attack and those people would then voluntarily report to death chambers. 
The war went on, but there was no physical destruction of property, no rebuilding, no damaged infrastructure.
You can read about it here.

Don't we do the same sort of thing when we say we are at war, but certain civilian areas can't be attacked?
Don't we take away a reason for negotiating an end to that war?
Instead of putting an end to killing, we make rules around acceptable killing. 
We demand humane treatment of prisoners of war when war itself is an inhumane act.

I agree that the bombing of civilians and civilian targets is wrong. But I also happen to think that bombing another country because we have a dementia ridden, psychopathic, rapist, narcissistic pedophile as a president is wrong. 
Every part of this war (yes, it's a war) is criminal, and yes, I believe that both Trump and Netanyahu should be held responsible on an international scale.

I'm venting here because I can. It's difficult to have a solution to a war that never should have been started in the first place. There was nothing to win and everything to lose -- which we already have lost.
Sometimes the first step out of the hole you're in is to stop digging. 

I do love where I live, but there are times when I am ashamed of the things my country is doing. This is one of those times, and ashamed is an understatement. I am angry that we are killing and being killed to satisfy a demented president's ego.

John

Wednesday Words: about grace and gratitude

Today's Wednesday Word is not one that has a surprising meaning or background story. It is simply one that I have had a little change of perception or attitude about. We see it in different forms -- grace, gracious, gratitude -- all from the Latin gratia.

I was thinking about this because last week I had lunch with a friend and former pastor/preacher. As we sat down to eat, he asked if I wanted to bless the food (give thanks, say grace, etc,). I declined and let him do that.

Here's the thing (for me).
I don't ever want to reach the point where I take the good things of life for granted. I always want to express my gratitude, but I do believe there are different ways to do that. 

"Oh, this is really good!" is an expression of appreciation and of gratitude.
The enjoyment of sharing a meal with a friend is an expression of gratitude.
A smile, a hug, an acknowledgement of a gift or favor received -- all are ways of being grateful. 

At this moment I am sitting in a coffee shop, sipping an iced cold-brew, using the hot-spot feature of my new smart phone, and typing words on my Chromebook that will travel great distances and be read by a handful of people.
How could I not be thankful for the life that I have?
I often joke (sort of) about being a curmudgeon-in-training or about being a grumpy old man.
I'm not.
Mostly, I do want people to leave me the f--- alone, but that's just because I am so thankful for the quiet time that life provides for me!

Today, I will do a little of the outdoor work that I've been putting off because of the midsummer heat and then I will be thankful for the simple little pool that I have as I enjoy a cigar and evening drink. 

Will you be grateful today?
How do you express gratitude in ways other than simply saying -- Thank you?

Thanks for reading!

John

Wednesday Words -- Lights out!

How about a new alliterative category for Wednesday?
I'm about tapped for wisdom. Although I've often been called a wise-a$$ or a wise-guy, I've seldom been thought of as a truly wise man.

And besides, words can be fun.
For an older generation of kids that played outside all day, the streetlights coming on was often the signal for kids to head home for the evening. Not always, though. We played kick the can, hide and seek, tag, and many other games with the neighborhood kids well after dark.
The electric street lights came on automatically and stayed on all night. Nobody had the job of lighting the gaslights when the sun set or extinguishing them when it was time for everyone to be safely at home for the night.
Although there are many good reasons for streetlights to remain on throughout the night, it's weird to remember that electricity or even gas jets haven't been around for most of the history of humanity. For most of our history, turning out the lights meant putting out a fire. Nighttime light came from candles, lanterns, or fireplaces.
Today, lights out is as simple as flipping a switch.

Our word curfew comes from the French couvre feu which means cover fire.
The French were the first to use street lamps in an effort to reduce nighttime crime in Paris. When it was time for the street lamps to be extinguished (couvre-feu), it was time for everyone to be at home.
Instead of be home when the streetlights come on; it was be home before they go off -- curfew!

And now you know.

John 

Monday Motivation

It is a beautiful Monday morning in the Ozarks of SWMO. The early sun is bright, but not yet too hot. The avian community is doing its noisy morning routine of feeding and chirping loudly as they go about their business. The traffic sounds from the nearby highway are man made background noises that rudely infiltrate the natural sound of birds, bugs, and the occasional sounds of horses or cows from the rural farmlands that are not too far away.
My coffee is good and life in the Ozarks is pretty sweet right now.

As I look out at the field that needs to be mowed soon, I am picking out an area to solarize for my native grasses and wildflowers area, 
The process of solarizing will involve measuring out a 40' by 100' (12 m x 30 m), cutting that area as low to the ground as I can, watering it heavily, and then covering it with clear plastic for the rest of the summer and let the sun heat and kill the existing non-native, invasive fescue grass. I need to have the area ready and hope that the rain in the forecast for later this week will be accurate.
The solarization process recommends burying the edges of the plastic to trap in the heat which adds a lot of work and I may find a work-around for that part.

I also have a smaller area that I need to solarize closer to the house. It's a plot that I had tilled a couple of years ago for flowers that is now full of Johnson grass and weeds. I was going to plant popcorn and sunflowers there this season, but it needs to be re-worked and I think solarization is going to be the way to go.

I'm not sure what motivates me to do this stuff. I definitely think a native meadow that doesn't need to be mowed and feeds the birds and pollinators is better than mowing the fescue pasture land that works nicely for grazing cows but pretty much sucks for anything else.
It will take some time to convert the field doing just 4,000 sq ft at a time, but it is doable and less expensive than doing a field kill and replant all at once. 

That's my next project and will pay my pool tax for the coming week. 
My weekend project was building this poolside table for drinks, snacks, phone, etc. As with most of my projects, it was made more difficult by the fact that I have no experience and don't really know what I'm doing. At least it will be functional.

All-in-all, it's Just another day in the life of John.
Happy Monday!
Here's to a grand week!

John

Christian Nationalism: maybe it's a good thing

I do not really think that there is anything good about Christian Nationalism.
However, I do see some good coming from the boldness of our current nationalist movement in the US.

The Christian Nationalist movement that we see now has always existed in a much more subtle form. It has existed in the God and Country services, in the congregational reciting of The Pledge of Allegiance at camps and vacation Bible schools, even in the quiet display of the American flag in churches across the country. 
Christian Americans have been trying to convince all Americans that we are a Christian nation in subtle ways for a very long time. 

Now that it has made the national spotlight and is rearing its ugly head at the highest levels of government, many mainline Christians are beginning to see it for what it is and are questioning or leaving their long time faith communities that support or are okay with this perverse type of Christianity. People are beginning to see that they have been following a religion rather than following Jesus and are waking up.
Yes. I said it. They are becoming "woke" and realizing that being woke is a good thing.

I do not, in any way, expect to see a large national revival of Christianity sweeping our nation.
I do expect to see, or rather feel, the subtle change in the spirit of a nation as more and more followers of Jesus begin to be less about following religion and more about following the actual teachings of Jesus.

Megachurches are just monstrosities build to glorify themselves and scream "Look at us! Look at us!" They are not temples built to honor God. They are what happens when capitalism corrupts religion. They have money, they have influence, and they have power. They have become their own gods.

People that follow Jesus will do so without fanfare.
They will take care of the earth and take care of each other and few people will take notice.
People that follow Jesus will encourage other people to do the same -- not by loud preachers and fiery sermons, nor with flashy worship services, but just by simple words of encouragement and actions of love.

I still have a few friends that are church pastors. I am not much of a church person myself these days, but I respect the work they are doing and the challenges they face. The world would certainly be a better place with more people like them and fewer loners like me.
This Sunday morning they will encourage gatherings of a few dozen to a few hundred people. They will encourage them to follow the Jesus of the Bible and not the Jesus of Christian Nationalism. They will love their people and encourage them to love one another.

I will sit on my deck, listen to the birds, watch the clouds roll in, and tap out meaningless words on my Chromebook.
Even as I write that the world needs more people like them and fewer people like me, I am not making plans beyond finding myself in this present of mine. I don't think I'll be a church guy anymore. It is far easier for me to hear God while I am tending to flowers than it is when I am in church.
I am hopeful that raising the mirror to see Christian Nationalism in our churches and in ourselves will encourage more people to seek the true Jesus and leave the religion and all of its idolatrous trappings behind.

Love God.
Love one another.

That's not the doctrine of Christian Nationalism.
It's the teaching of Jesus.

John

Tax free Friday

Early to bed
Early to rise...

I was tired last night and called it quits earlier than my usual midnight to 1 AM bedtime. Going to bed at 11ish means I'm awake before 6, but that's okay. It's a pretty morning to be out on the deck. I don't expect to be out here too long. I think I'm going to go out for coffee this morning -- mostly because I just didn't feel like making any and also it has been a minute since I've done that.
Currently I am sipping a diet coke while listening to the morning avian community get about their day.

In spite of the Midwest July heat, I have been getting a fair amount of outdoor work done. I consider it to be a self-imposed pool tax. 
Work first
Pool second

Having said that, I am considering a tax free Friday. 
If my daughter in-law can do her Work-from-pool Friday, I can do a tax free Friday!
There are things that need to be done and things that I will do, but it's nice to give myself an out once a week. 
Honestly, I'm pretty generous when it comes to giving myself time off!

Hmmm...
Time to find a coffee shop.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Don't tax yourself too much.

John

Unsubscribed

Last month I unsubscribed from Kindle Unlimited.
It wasn't because I didn't use it. I used it all of the time. I unsubscribed because it seemed to be wasting money to read when there are many sources for free e-books, including the Libby app which allows me to get books for my Kindle reader from my local library.
Unfortunately, my local library is rather small and seems to have a limited number of e-books available, but I still feel like it's a better deal than paying to read.

I am currently reading John Grisham's The Whistler (fiction), as well as Richard Rohr's The Tears of Things (non-fiction). The Grisham book is from the Libby app. Rohr's was purchased from Amazon with credits I had earned on Kindle.
I'm on the waiting list for a couple of other books from Libby.
In addition to that, Chris needed to drop off a couple of books at the library yesterday, so naturally, I grabbed a couple of fiction books (Lee Childs, Jack Reacher). 
What was I thinking?

What are you reading?
What are your book sources?
Actual books, e-reader, both?
Does anyone still read magazines -- online or print?

Just wondering.

John

What is wrong with you?

Self esteem
I believe that self esteem is how you feel about yourself. 
It is an assessment of your overall value as you see yourself.
It is not a comparison to others.
At least, it's not supposed to be.

I think that people tend to compare themselves to others rather than make personal assessments based solely on one's own abilities, talents, and contributions. 
Not only does this give us a false perspective on personal value, but it also makes tearing others down a convenient (yet false) way of making ourselves look better.

I believe that people that are often critical and judgmental of others have very low self esteem.
I should probably point out that I don't have any psychological background or education. This is just an observation and a part of my personal growth.

I have found peace in learning not to compare myself to others
While I do enjoy it when others think well of me, my identity isn't tied to what others think of me.
I am confident and comfortable just being who I am.

By most standards, I have little to offer to society.
I have no formal education.
I have no power or influence.
I have no wealth.
I offer no product or service to make the community a better place.
My sole contribution to society is that I am a consumer, and I really try to keep that to a minimum.

It is weird how somebody with so little value to society can be at peace with who they are, and yet here I am.
If I were to spend the rest of my mornings sipping coffee on the deck,
the rest of my days tending to flowers, reading books, and relaxing in the pool,
and the rest of my nights back on the deck smoking a cigar, sipping a drink and listening to the night sounds,
I would be a happy boy.
I'm pretty sure that Chris would be bored with such a life, but I could honestly be okay with it.

Yes, I like to travel a bit.
Yes, I want to visit my kids and see my family now and then.
Yes, I like occasional interactions with friends, such as meeting for a meal or going out for coffee or a beer.
But with or without those things that bring added joy -- I am content and at peace with who I am.

Even as I write that and watch the golden finches fly back and forth between the black eyed susans and sunflowers, I know that I am far from perfect. If I am going to really enjoy life for a long time I need to improve on my quality of life and change some habits.
I'm getting more serious about that.
Being overweight and out of shape is more what I am than who I am.

So...
What is wrong with you?
Honestly, you are really the only one that needs to answer that question. 
1. It shouldn't be a comparison to others, and 
2. An honest assessment should also ask and answer -- What's right with you?

I'd offer this as a starting point --
Nothing is wrong with you.
You are probably not perfect. Like me (and most others), there are definitely things you need to work on.
But I truly believe that you are created by The Creator as an expression of love -- to love and to be loved.
I hope that you will see that in your own self assessment.

John

Monday evening

It's Monday evening and I just finished book #33 for the year. 
It's a nice evening temperature-wise and the deck is a pretty nice place to spend the evening. 
I may need to get some kind of mounted light fixture so that I can enjoy the pool at night. That may also require a bug zapper of some type. We don't have the nighttime bats like the Puerto Vallarta kids have.
Today was the 7th day of having the pool. It was filled last Tuesday and I have been in it every day.
I'll try to get the lawn mowed early tomorrow so that I can spend the afternoon relaxing in the pool. We should have just gotten one of these when we moved in six years ago.

I was out for breakfast with a friend this morning so my normal morning routine was disturbed. I am spending my Chromebook and quiet time on the deck this evening. 

I avoided writing about the nation's 250th anniversary celebration over the weekend. Honestly, I am a little torn on the subject. I do very much love the life I have here in the USA, but I have become more critical of many of the methods that we employ to maintain this way of life. The deep divide that exists, not only between the US and her allies, but between political factions within the US deeply concerns me. 
Whether it is within our borders or between our allies (or even our enemies), intimidation and violence shouldn't always be the first method of attack. We should have matured beyond the playground bully stage of life.
We have earned a reputation that I do not like and fear that it will take quite some time to overcome. I truly wish that we (humanity) could have more of a global community and look out for one another. 

In astronomic news, we have passed the point on our annual trek around the sun where we reached the farthest point from the sun and the slowest part of our orbit. The earth will begin to pick up a little speed as we get closer to the sun. 
I haven't done much star gazing lately. I should do that again. Recently the night sky (day sky, too) has been a bit hazy with some Saharan dust high in the atmosphere. Soon we will be contending with smoke from the Colorado fires. Our summer weather patterns are a little strange this year. 

I hope you have had a good Monday to begin your week. 

John

Friday Fun Fact

Did you know that applause and explosion come from the same root?

Our current use for explode or explosion is quite different from its original theatrical use in ancient Rome. 
A loud rhythmic clapping was a way to force a poor actor off of a stage in humiliation. The loud, organized clapping was so disruptive that the performance could not continue and the target would be forced to exit in shame.
Ex = out
plaudre = clap
They literally clapped them off the stage.

Applause (also clapping, but less organized and less disruptive) expressed approval of the performance, while what came to be explode expressed extreme disapproval -- both clapping, but very different intentions.

I'm not sure how the loud, disruptive noise morphed into our current understanding of explosion, but figure it probably came into being after the invention of gunpowder and its thunderous clap of released energy.
I'm sure this weekend's firework celebrations of the USA's 250th year will be filled with both explosions and applause!

John
 

Wednesday Wisdom

Today's wisdom is stolen from a well known sneaker brand --
Just do it!

I get the idea of delayed gratification and waiting until the time is right, but sometimes the priorities are wrong. Sometimes there isn't a good reason to wait or the thing we are waiting for isn't well defined.
Whether "Just do it" refers to exercise, taking a trip, or getting into a cold pool -- Do it. Do it now.

I have wanted to get a pool for quite some time, but always managed to talk myself out of it. It is easy to talk myself out of anything that costs money. I'm too cheap to spend much money on things for myself (other than decent cigars, bourbon, or tequila). We finally got one!
It's a pretty inexpensive one, but it's also a bit of an experiment on if it will be worth it. 
My pre-experiment hypothesis is that it most definitely will be. In fact, the real danger is that pool usage will interfere with actually getting work done. I may have to impose some rules about work time before pool time -- kind of a Just do it after I've mowed the field!

We got one of the pools with an inflatable ring at the top. the base is quite a bit wider than the top ring, so a poolside table for drinks, Chromebook, Kindle reader, etc. is a bit tricky. I'm currently looking at floating tables or I may just craft something from a few boards and a cut up pool noodle. In any case, I am not waiting to find something to use the pool. 
I waited a whole hour after it was filled yesterday to get in! The water temp was a cool 68 (20C) degrees, but I was in and enjoying the vibe for about an hour. I'll be doing more research on maintaining a pool and largely learning as I go. 
Looking back, I can't think of a good reason why we didn't do this when we first moved into this house six years ago. 

Today's plan :
Weed eat the yard around the house and flowerbeds (I mowed it yesterday)
Load the smoker with a half pork tenderloin and some burgers
Mow the field
Get in the pool

I'd better get busy!

John