I am home after a weekend of not being home.
We were in southern Wisconsin for my niece's wedding. We took our time going there and coming home so that we didn't have to make an all day drive either way.
The wedding was fun. It was a beautiful day and an outdoor setting. The bride and groom were officially hitched under a 225+ year old oak tree, and the reception dinner was in a beautifully decorated barn. A covered pavilion outside the barn was there for music and dancing. There was a large fire pit surrounded by benches and cornhole or bags boards set up for games.
The bride and groom wrote their own vows and shared them privately before the ceremony. In keeping with the tradition of not seeing each other before the wedding, they were around one of the corners of the barn from each other and could read their vows without being nervous from being in front of an audience and without feeling as if they were performing.
They let me (the officiant) read their vow books so that I could share some of their vows during the ceremony.
The bride said that the groom is her safe place.
I've been thinking about that a lot.
Safe places are generally thought of as -- well, places. They can be a room, a home, a place in nature or near a body of water.
Safe places are sometimes gathering places with other people that have committed to keeping confidences and trust in one another.
And yes -- safe places can be people, too. A person that allows you to be yourself without fear of judgment, a person that encourages you in the endeavors you pursue and is there to catch you if you fall, a person that provides you with the things you need, even if it's just a hand to hold or a shoulder to rest your head upon -- that person is a safe place.
But what about people that have no safe place?
What about people that have no one they can trust?
What about people that can't get away from the chaos of life, from an abuser, from an addiction, from the demons in their own mind?
What about people that always feel like they have to perform or deliver so they don't disappoint a friend, a boss or coworker, or a parent?
How does a person without a safe place find peace and comfort in a life that has none?
I have no solutions nor suggestions about finding a safe place, and I suspect that everyone's safe place is different. These are just things that I have been thinking about.
I have also been thinking about the privilege I have to live this life where I always feel safe.
Sure, others may judge me and I may disappoint some people, but I really don't care anymore. Although I am concerned about the changing social climate, both for others and myself, I don't generally think I am in danger or in need of a safe place on a daily basis.
I hope that you have a safe place today.
I hope that you have a person that allows you to feel safe to be yourself and yet inspires you to be better.
I would share my safe place with you, but I don't think that's how it works.
I think we all need to have our own.
John
Tuesday, October 14, 2025
Safe Places
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