Milestones and What Really Matters

Yesterday I reached a milestone here on Out of My Hat -- 1 million views!
I'm not too overly excited about it because I know that a large percentage are bot hits that have keyed on keywords or topics -- like Charlie Kirk or politics.
I've already had twice as many hits this month as I had for all of last month.

I suppose I could post more political or controversial content and keep a steady stream of high hit days. Then I could monetize my blog and allow ads to supplement my retirement. I could start adding video and make Out of My Hat more of a vlog or blog/vlog combo. 
To be honest, I have considered doing the advertising thing once or twice over the past almost 20 years, but didn't want the added pressure to write or to choose more controversial topics. I prefer to keep it a place for me to just write and share thoughts. I've had a few angry responses over the years, even got called in to the church office over a post that somebody didn't like -- and I wasn't even on staff or holding any kind of church position!

I don't mind writing controversial stuff and I don't really care if everybody agrees with me or not. Having said that, I would rather have people feel good about reading Out of My Hat and come back often for that feeling or maybe to learn something than to be angry or come back to reinforce their own prejudice and bias.

If we have learned anything from either the mainstream media or from social media (or politics) it is that causing division and spreading hatred sells way more than sharing good news and spreading kindness and love. It also appears to be way easier to get people to hate the people you hate than to love the people you love.  
Why is that?
Is it so important for us to feel more important, more powerful, or just better than somebody else?
Are we that insecure with ourselves and who we are that we need to tear other people down?
Why are we so willing to use technology to effectively spread hatred to build our tribes than to use love to enhance our communities?

I understand that it is a part of our natural instinct to be distrustful of things and people that we don't understand. But we can overcome those ancient survival skills and be better. Humanity should be better. We don't need to remain in our small competing tribes and factions. We can learn from one another and be better together. 
Violence is the least educated or least intellectual way to address our differences. It is the way of tyrants and bullies. We are better than that.

I have a few people-ing events this week -- dinner with a small group of friends tomorrow, barchurch on Thursday, and an afternoon of cigars, conversation and a sip or two of bourbon with a friend on Friday. I'll use Saturday as a recharging day and then Sunday is our church community service day followed by a celebratory party. 

Community is hard for me.
I think I'd be better as a hermit.

John

Monday Meditation: Finding Peace

It's been a crazy week.
Perhaps the craziest part of it is that much of life goes on as if nothing unusual nor violent happened last week. 

I know that for those that experienced the violence of last week, life will never be the same. They didn't watch baseball games, or football, or championship fights this past weekend. There was no tailgating and there were no big watch parties.
They were grieving and recovering from the personal trauma of experienced violence. They are dealing with the firsthand knowledge that our world is not a safe place. 

The internet has made it so that one cannot even express one's own thoughts without being scrutinized and criticized for what is said. Simple truths like -- "If you want people to say kind things when you pass, you should say kind things when you're alive," have been mocked for being insensitive. 
People are either heartless for not really caring or militant against those that don't care. 
It's a weird space when people can't say what they feel about a guy that supposedly championed free speech.

It is also difficult to find peace if you remain in the same media that brings about your distress. I don't think you will find peace on the internet or specifically on social media platforms. You may have a small group of friends that are a calming presence, but I generally find that time alone is the best way to find peace. 
Quiet time with nature is my favorite place to find restorative peace. 
Honestly, the peace is already within me. Sometimes I just need the quietness or the sounds of nature to help me find it. 

I woke up early this morning -- around 5:00. I didn't fall back asleep, but just listened to the night sounds. The birds weren't even up yet, and most of the night bug sounds as long since quieted down. Mostly I listened to the hooting of a Great Horned Owl that reigns over this territory throughout the nighttime hours.
I spent more than an hour just listening and enjoying the peacefulness of the early morning before getting up and making my coffee.

I hope that you have a place of peace where you can rest and be restored.

John

Happy Monday morning!

The Struggle is Real

The violence in the USA is out of control and I am struggling with my own response to the events of the violent attacks that took place yesterday -- the school shooting in Colorado where two students were injured and the shooter took his own life, and the murder of political activist, Charlie Kirk.

One of the things that I am struggling with is that I don't think Mr. Kirk would expect us to do anything in response to the events but to carry on with our lives. He, himself, would have no empathy for the victims of violence, nor for their families, and would consider the victims, including himself, collateral damage and the price we pay to have our guns.
While these things seem ridiculous, I fear that he was not alone in his assessment of gun violence and many people feel the same way. Perhaps that is why we continue to have violent events -- Every. F***ing. Day.

Perhaps my greatest struggle is that I fear I am becoming someone that I don't want to be, someone that I despise. It is easy to say Mr. Kirk was a victim of his own making -- that he stoked the political fires and put on the target. It is easy to say that karma is a bitch and he reaped what was sown in his own statements.
But that is not who I want to be. 

I want to feel compassion for the students that were shot and for the students that go to school in fear. 
I want to express condolences to the kids that lost a father, to the woman that lost her husband, and also to the ones that loved the shooter that died.
I want to believe that there is never an acceptable time for political violence in a country where violence is becoming the only language that gets heard. 

Have I become numb to the daily violence because it happens so often?
...or is it because it just hasn't affected me?
Have I become a person that just doesn't care?
...that lacks empathy?
...that sees violence as a way of life in the US?
...that sees hatred as a part of who we (I) have become?

Our culture tends to believe that violence is the only effective response to anger (even righteous anger). We tend to react quickly and violently to things that anger us. We yell. We strike back. We aim to hurt or destroy.
Other cultures and traditions teach us to acknowledge our anger, to embrace it and understand why we are angry, and then to use it to direct us towards an acceptable solution. 

How are you dealing with your feelings today?
Are you struggling?
You are not alone.

John

Sleep, health, and random stuff

I seem to be getting back to my 6 hour per night sleep pattern. I'm sure if I went back to bed at my natural wake up time I could easily get another full 90 minute cycle, but I've been getting up and making coffee to get the day started. I will admit to taking a brief nap at some point in the late afternoon or evening. 
It works.

I feel fortunate to be a good sleeper when I know that many people have a difficult time sleeping well. I think that a good night's sleep is a vital part of good health. Admittedly, I haven't always thought that way. Typically, I go to bed between midnight and 1 am, and get up between 6 and 7 or whenever I've finished sleeping for the night. I tend to fall asleep quickly and also wake up easily. 
People have asked if I am more of a morning person or night person. I am usually just awake and have no real preference. 
I started getting a little bit of exercise recently(walking or exercise cycle), and have noticed that I sleep more soundly on days that I have exercised, even if the exercise is earlier in the day.

I had my annual physical yesterday and it turns out that I am pretty healthy for a fat guy. The Doc reminded me that there are no real health benefits from smoking cigars and drinking alcohol (even in moderation), and there can definitely be negative consequences.
I have cut back on both, but will probably continue to indulge in the occasional sip and smoke afternoons on the deck that seem to soothe my soul.  
He did not suggest cutting out my daily coffee, but did suggest being aware of my caffeine intake and how it can affect blood pressure, anxiety, sleep, and other aspects of health.

In a strange juxtaposition, retirement has found me being more attentive to my mental and spiritual well being and less concerned with my physical care. I think our Western culture is more the opposite way. I need to find a better balance.
It is interesting that we have doctors to care for our physical well being, but tend to shun the practices and practitioners of mental care that many other cultures embrace.

So, I'm curious...
Do you sleep well or struggle to get a good night's rest?
Do you have a nighttime ritual to help you sleep better?
How does diet impact your sleep quality?
Do you reduce your sleep time to make time for awake activities?
Do you consider good sleep to be a vital part of good health?
Are you willing to make changes to your awake time to allow for better sleep?

I am truly interested to hear what different perceptions people have about sleep.
My -- I'll sleep when I'm dead -- perspective has definitely changed even though I am still pretty much a short sleeper.

John

Books (and what can we learn from fictional reading?)

A few weekends ago I stumbled into one of the Friends of the Library book sales. I picked up a few old paperbacks and have been reading them. They were mostly from a genre that I enjoyed reading years ago -- Westerns!
Louis L'Amour, William Johnstone, and Ralph Compton are all writers that I've read in the past and all write in easy to read, descriptive narratives that I enjoy. So I have been reading westerns and am on my fifth book in just a couple of weeks. It is simple, yet entertaining reading -- kind of like eating popcorn at the movie theater. I picked up a few more paperbacks at a Farmer's Market stand this past weekend. I don't know if I'll just continue to burn through them or mix them in with some more serious reading. 

I have noticed something that is different about reading them today than there was in reading them in the past.
In the past I never really considered how violent we were. It should come as no real surprise that we are still a violence prone people. One would think we would have outgrown that way of life, but we seem to have gone from using violence to conquer other people to turning it inwards towards one another. We even have an a$$hole in the White House that wants to declare war on Chicago and use our own military to control our own citizens. 

Are we returning to a time when the most violent and brutal people rule?
Or is it just the rich and powerful people convincing the poorer people to fight against each other and then the powerful ones take all of the spoils?
F 'em! Let them fight their own battles. 

Typically in western fiction -- the good guys win and the bad guys die. Violence doesn't always work that way in real life. Maybe we just need to write better real life stories.

Just some simple Monday morning thoughts.
What are you reading?

John 

It's Another Beautiful Day in the Ozarks

It is another beautiful day in the Ozarks of SWMO.
I was up early (6:45ish) after spending another night sleeping on the deck futon. The neighbor's roosters and chickens were doing their morning thing and the sun was making it's daily appearance in the eastern sky. Wake up temperature was just below 60f (15c) and I slept quite well.

When I went inside to make my morning coffee it almost felt like the heat was on. In spite of the expected warm up this week, I think the nights will remain cool. Sleeping inside with the bedside window open is nice, but it is amazing how much of the night sounds are muted through an open window. I am surprised at how differently it feels to be out on the deck vs next to an open window.
There is such a calming effect from being outside vs inside. I don't know if the walls just block or dampen the energy or if there is some kind of different electrical field or what it is, but daytime or nighttime, I'd rather be sitting outside vs sitting inside.

I think the week ahead will be a typical week for a retired guy in the Ozarks. I have my annual physical this week and expect to hear that I need to lose weight (I do). 
The Springfield Cardinals will be wrapping up their season at home and I will probably be at two or three of their final six regular season games. 
I have more iris tubers to plant. My irises were getting so densely packed that I haven't had very many blossoms this year. I dug them up, thinned them out, and am replanting a bunch along the front of the fence. I am hoping they do well next spring. 
I should probably check my gladiolus for new corms to be spread out, as well. There is quite a bit of work to be done in late summer/early fall in flower gardening. I will also be spreading out my peonies and trying to find a way to contain the Rugosa rose bush that is taking over its space. I'm thinking I may have to cut it back, dig it up, and replant it in a confined area -- something like an in-ground potted plant with an open bottom but deep sides. The runners this beast sends out are pretty amazing.
I've also been re-potting some succulents and indoor plants. I really need a small green house. That may be a winter project. 

If you know me at all, you know I am a summer guy and I am not looking forward to the fall and winter seasons. Having said that, I am determined to enjoy each day for what it is. The dying of annual plants, the dormancy of perennials, and the regeneration on the other side of winter all have their places in the cycle of things. 

Honestly, my days are full of simple pleasures -- butterflies and humming birds feeding on the nectar of my flowers, bluebirds, wrens and finches enjoying the seeds, the sounds of a nearby great horned owl at night, the yipping of coyotes or the occasional deer that find their way through our field -- it's really a pretty good life.

Be present.
Enjoy the moment.
Have a wonderful week.

John



 

Thursday Thoughts

It's a little coffee shop kind of morning -- El Cafecito in Springfield.
(For non-Spanish speakers -- el cafecito translates to the little coffee shop!)
I only had enough coffee at home for a single cup, so a morning coffee shop run seemed to be in order.

With so much Christian nationalism and so many conflicting Christian messages and behaviors, it is of no wonder that there is so much distrust of Christianity and especially conservative, evangelical Christianity.
Even without the secular parts of Christian nationalism, the basics of evangelical Christianity offer enough conflicts to make a discerning person wonder -- WTF?

For example:
God loves you, but will condemn you to eternal torment if you don't do exactly as He says. (gender specific patriarchy intended) 
God's grace is a free gift but you have to do certain things to obtain it.
God's love is unconditional (certain conditions apply).
Jesus died for everyone, but only if you say he died for you.
God created you perfectly, but won't accept you if the church decides you don't fit into their expectations of holiness and acceptability.
Jesus turned water into wine, but drinking alcohol is a sin.
And on...
and on...
and on.

I'm sure that a comprehensive list would be much longer than anyone would care to read. It would definitely be much longer than I would care to research and write!

It has been a number of years since I set aside the whole religion scene.
I am still a believer in God and a follower of Jesus -- just without the structure of any kind of organized religion.
In fact -- the further I got from religion, the closer I got to God.
I accept (even embrace) the heretic label that may come my way from those that find my inclusiveness to be offensive. 

One of the most telling lines I've ever heard is -- There is no hate like Christian love.

Just thoughts rolling around in my head this morning.

John

No Wisdom on this Wednesday

It's a pretty slow start to this Wednesday morning and the day is warming up nicely. We may decide to turn the A/C back on.  Or maybe not. Mid 80s (29c) isn't too bad for a couple of hours. We have ceiling fans and an attic fan and generally get a nice breeze with the windows open in both the front and back of the house.

I should have jumped on the outdoor work earlier, but I'm not a big get it done early kind of guy. My mornings are slow and easy. I may find myself working at cleaning out the basement since it is generally cooler down there throughout the day. 

I was thinking that I need to offer a nugget of wisdom for my typical Wednesday Wisdom posting, but I don't really have any wise words or thoughts to share. My daily contemplation (inspired by my shamanistic readings) has me thinking about who I am and when it is appropriate to wear masks. 
Wearing masks isn't always hiding who we are or being deceptive to others. Sometimes it's just being the appropriate you for the moment.

It is perfectly natural to be a different person at work than you are when you are out with friends. It is okay to be different as a student than as a son, daughter, or even parent. While our character and morals may not change from one situation to another, altering our behavior depending on the situation doesn't mean we are fake or manipulative. A work Christmas party and a family holiday meal are very different types of celebrations and it is reasonable to expect different personas. 

An accurate answer to the question -- "Who am I?" might just be -- "It depends on the situation."

I have far fewer roles than I once had.
I am no longer an air traffic controller or employee.
I have left the world of evangelicalism and preaching. 
I no longer entertain groups with magic.
I still have familial roles as husband, dad, brother, son -- but husband is the only one that I really do on a day to day basis.
I guess I am mostly just a reclusive retired guy that likes flowers, and occasionally smokes cigars and sips a little bourbon or tequila.

Maybe the big deal with masks is if we use them to hide who we are. 
Am I a different person than I want people to think I am?

Are you the person people think you are?
Or have you deliberately fooled them with a mask that disguises the person you really are?

John

It is still summer -- just saying

How can it be September already?
While Labor Day Weekend is an unofficial end of summer and the beginning of football season kind of marks the start of fall -- neither of those things is actually true.
IT'S STILL SUMMER!

In fact, if we're going to use artificial markers for the end of summer/beginning of fall then I say when I've put my lawn mower away for the year marks the end of summer. That won't be until mid October. I'll keep the flannel shirts in the closet and the pumpkin spice on the pantry shelf for a little bit longer. You fall loving people can do whatever you want, but it is always summer in my heart.
For anyone that actually cares -- the astronomical end of summer is on September 22 at 1:19 PM CDT. 

And although it is still growing season in SWMO, I do need to prepare some of my flowers for the coming cold season. I'll be dividing my iris and peony plants and am looking for another place for some hydrangeas. I also need to get some more mulch down in the big flower bed. I'm still figuring out how to best cut back and contain the large Rugosa rose bush.
There is always an unending amount of work to do in the flower gardens. 
If anyone is looking for some hostas to get planted and rooted before winter, let me know. I need to thin mine out -- either now or in the early spring.

This first week of September will be a little cooler than normal, so I should be able to get lots of outdoor work accomplished.

Have a grand week!

John

The Life of John

There is not much going on in the life of John these days, certainly nothing worth writing about.
However, writing is a nice therapeutic kind of energy flow and I occasionally just feel like I need to clack away on my keyboard. Feel free to scroll on past this post. I am just writing to write.

It has been a nice, quiet, and uneventful week. I managed to go to a couple of ballgames and find it surprising that the summer baseball season is quickly coming to an end. While the MLB St Louis Cardinals are not having a good season, the AA Springfield Cardinals are on their way to completing a record setting most wins in franchise history kind of season. 
I've been fortunate enough to have attended a number of games and will try to catch one or two more before the season actually closes.

Here at home, I have been re-potting a few plants and experimenting with a bit of propagation of some of my outdoor flowers. It is the right season to be dividing some of the plants and the coming week looks like cooler weather with a bit of rain. I am hoping for the motivation to get out and get some good gardening work done this week. 

But that's really all there is to my simple life. 
Throw in an occasional cigar, a sip of bourbon or tequila, a book to read, or just quiet time listening to the birds while sitting on the deck and you have the simple, quiet life of John.
And no -- I don't find it to be boring. I am content. 

Strangely, I find great peace in the simplicity of my life. I have learned to see, feel, or sense the presence of God in all of the quiet around me. It's not in a holy or particularly reverent kind of way; it's more like an awareness of this Universal Force or energy or spirit. I don't really know how to explain it other than to say -- IYKYK (If You Know -- You Know).
The awareness of this Force brings peace when things are not so quiet or the chaos of other lives and forces make their way into my otherwise simple life.

From where I am sitting in Highlandville MO -- life ain't so bad.
I mean -- there's no tropical beach, but -- it's still not so bad.

John