Saturday, December 18, 2010

A "Pieces of Christmas" Break

I'm breaking from the Pieces of Christmas posts that are focused on the birth of Jesus for a day to share this piece that was written and read at our December meeting of the Ozarks Christian Writers.

With all that has been in the news about the new TSA security procedures, this is a funny and creative look at what one might see in airports next week.

While my header gives permission to repost my material from this blog, this is not mine and permission to repost it is not mine to give.  Feel free to direct others here if you would like to share it.

Thanks to Rod Minatra for giving his permission to print it here.


Twas the Flight Before Christmas ©
By Rodger W. Minatra
December 2010

We were going home for Christmas, and traveling by air
When the weather got bad, and we got stuck in O’Hare
We had just settled down to rest our poor eyes
When something happened that took us both by surprise

In the security check, in a fur suit, red and white
Was a small bearded man checking in for his flight
He was dressed like St. Nick, with a bag, big and red
That would just barely fit in the plane’s overhead.

But he didn’t seem nervous, in fact he looked right at ease
And he went straight to work, as quick as you please
He walked up to the gate and then pulled out 12 trays
Then I heard someone moan, “We will be here for days.”

He pulled out a bandanna and blew his red nose
Then without speaking he took off his clothes
The first thing to come off were the boots that he wore
He squatted down low and rolled back on the floor

We watched as his boots split from the top to the sole
It was the definite sound of a strip of Velcro
As quick as a wink he was in his sock feet
In the first tray were his boots lined up nice and neat

Next was his coat piled high in the tray
And then his black belt, red hat, and toupe
Then standing flat footed like a small kangaroo
He sprang high in the air and his pants came off too

We were shocked at the sight and we tried not to stare
But there stood this small man in his long underwear
It looked for a moment that he did not know what to do
Then the TSA agent said, “Won’t you please come on thru.”

In a flash he stepped forward and walked straight through the gate
When an alarm sounded off and they said you must wait
The agent looked at him in a precarious manner
We can frisk you right here or you can go the scanner

His arms went out straight then he said with a giggle
You can frisk me right here if you think it won’t tickle
He was chubby and plump with a little round belly
That started to jiggle like a bowl full of jelly

The agent stepped forward with a wand in his hand
He was ready and willing to frisk this strange little man
At first he just giggled, the he laughed right out loud
Then the laughter he started caught hold of the crowd

He laughed just a little and then he laughed a lot more
The next thing we knew he was down on the floor.
We tried to keep silent, but as hard as we tried
We all started laughing, and we laughed till we cried.

Then off to the left we heard a loud clatter
And we all turned around to see what was the matter
The little man’s bag had been turned upside down
And we stood in amazement at what the TSA found

There were no toys and no presents in this little man’s bag
No liquids, no weapons, to set off a red flag
This man was no dummy, in fact he was smart
It was thousands of gift cards, all from Wal-mart

When the scanning was over and the little man dressed
We knew that this flight would not be like the rest
Before we all knew it he was at the gates door
In his eyes was a twinkle we had not seen before.

On his face was a smile as he waved to the crowd
And for one second more we all laughed out loud
Then we heard him call out as he went out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all a safe flight


Mike said...

I'm going to have to try that next time.

Bandit said...

Clever and very entertaining!