A Preacher, a Magician, and an Air Traffic Controller Walk Into a Bar...

Years ago, a coworker of mine said I sounded like the beginning of a joke --
A preacher, a magician, and an air traffic controller walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hello, John Hill!"

At that time, it was true. Today, not so much.
In fact, none of those descriptions fit me any more. It's been months since I've preached, longer than that since I've performed any magic, and more than five years since I retired as an air traffic controller. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure how I would describe myself these days. I'm not sure that I need to.

If pushed, I think I'd say I'm finally growing up.
I'm learning that life is far simpler than we tend to make it and the things that I once thought of as important mean little to me now. I don't feel like I need to impress anyone and won't waste my time trying to convince you that I'm better than you think I am.
Truthfully, I still have a lot to learn. I think recognizing that is the first step in growing up.

Although I have never really felt like a people person, most people tend see me that way. I've been called on to lead, teach, or take charge in many situations over the years, even though I have often felt ill equipped to do so.
It might just be that I read people well. That gift can be used to facilitate understanding or push people to react in either positive or negative ways. I've done both -- successfully. I quit being a union rep because I didn't like the person I felt I needed to be as a good rep. I later played the role of bad guy for my replacement so that he could be the calm voice of reason when I became unreasonable. I'm more comfortable as the reasonable one, but that wasn't my place at that time.

Perhaps it has been my time away from people that has helped me to better understand myself, my place in life, and my relationship to others. I think I've always been a contemplative soul, but much of my contemplation over the past decade or so has been turned inward.
I enjoy my solitude.

My time alone and away from people -- church people in particular, has helped me to become much less religious and at the same time much more spiritual. Freed from the constraints of judgmental people and their equally judgmental god, I have found the God of Jesus. His God is God and is full of grace, mercy, and love for all!
I am no longer compelled to preach a gospel of turn or burn. I am no longer compelled to share that God will condemn you to hell or you can choose what's behind Door #1.
A NEW CAR! Just as God drove Adam out of the garden in a Fury, you'll be driving down that Highway to Hell in style.
You should have picked what Jay had in the box in the aisle. (Walking the aisle during an altar call is a big deal in evangelical churches.)

I often said that so many evangelists sounded like carnival barkers or medicine men peddling their magic elixirs. Dear God, I hope I never came across that way!
Today I'm just trying to live and love more like Jesus. I try not to dwell on the past too much. I can't change it. I am also not dwelling on the future with fear or anxiety. It is enough to be present in the moment.
My alone time with God has also changed. Some would call it their prayer time, but it is so different from my prayer time of the past that I don't feel right using the same name for it. These days I rarely ask God to do anything for me (I'm still working on that in public prayer). I do ask for wisdom that I might better understand my role in the events of the day.

In a few months it will be fourteen years that I've been writing at Out of My Hat. If you are one of the few that have been with me since the beginning, you know that I am not the same as I was those many years ago. I hope that you continue to evolve and grow, as well.
Sometimes I enjoy looking back at the things I've written. Sometimes I'm a little embarrassed and wonder what I was thinking at the time.

For better or worse, this is post #2000 and I am who I am.
But I am not stuck with who I am today, and neither are you.
Tomorrow I hope to be a little bit better at traveling this road called life.
I hope to be better at understanding my place on the journey, better at living with the people I encounter along the way, but mostly better at loving and showing the grand love of God.

A simple and solitary traveler walked into a bar.
The bartender said, " Hi, John. Bourbon neat?"

John