State of Mind

When I look at the state of the United States of America I become disheartened by the politics, the division, and the overall lack of regard for the well-being of the country and the global community. I am truly embarrassed by the bullshit coming from our nation's capital.
When I look at the state of religion I am equally disheartened. Radical, nationalized Christianity is no different than radical Islam and in no way resembles the beliefs and practices of its origins.

People suck.

I'd like to say that I am encouraged by the good acts of people that stand up for each other and are kind to one another. But in truth, the good deeds of good people barely make a dent in the evil deeds of the powerful.

I will spend another day away from people. 
I will work in the yard and listen to music from the past (classic rock).
I will celebrate the seeds going in the ground and the flowers that are emerging.
I will wait patiently for the return of the hummingbirds and migrating butterflies.
I will connect to the Creator through creation.
Today is a day of self preservation.

Yeah, it is sad when one's personal religion means staying away from people and from the news that impacts the world. Unfortunately, this is my current state of mind.
My new religion of Be Kind and Do Good from earlier this week will have to wait while I bulk up for the exposure to the world outside of my small 5 acre plot in Highlandville MO.

Maybe Fr Rohr's words are more hopeful and less discouraging than my own. Even so, they do convey a frustration with religion and religious people.

Be well, my friends.
Take care of yourselves.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

John

My New Religion

 At 47,000+ Christian denominations it is obvious that we have many differing opinions of how we are supposed to believe, behave, or just be. This doesn't even count the other 4,000 to 10,000 distinct religions in the world. While it might be obvious that they all can't be right, it is possible that they are all wrong.

I can understand how we have so many different ideas about just what following Jesus looks like. In talking to others about their religious (Christian) deconstruction, I am finding that their journeys and mine are also very different from one another. 
Many hold fast to some core beliefs while dismissing behaviors and traditional practices, while others completely abandon what they have been taught. 
Sometimes there is a type of reconstruction or new faith that is obtained. Oftentimes there is not.

Personally, I struggle more with the reconstruction part. 
Having dismissed the controlling bullshit part of religion -- What am I left with? and What do I do now?
I don't know if -- Be a good person and do the right thing -- is a religion, but I think it should be.

I am no longer burdened by the threat of hell, nor enticed by the hope of heaven. I will let God and eternity deal with those things. I am just going to work on what I can do ... today.
I'm going to meet someone for a quick lunch, run some errands (buy coffee), and do a few things around the house. It isn't much.

Maybe I will find a way to be an encouragement to somebody.
I don't know. 
I often say that I am a non-productive member of society. It goes with the territory of staying the f**k away from people. But I am also a non-destructive member of society. At least I try to be.

Recycle, reduce, reuse -- right?
Do no harm.
Plant flowers for the birds, bees, and butterflies.
Mind my own business.
Making the world a better place by staying away from people.

It's not very religious.
I might make it my new religion anyway.

Just some thoughts in my head this morning.
John

Summer(like) weather

The first two days of spring have made it to 90 (32c) degrees, and today will be similarly warm. Tomorrow will cool down to a high of 60 (15c), but that will only last for a couple of days before the unseasonably warmer temperatures return for a few more days. Our relatively mild winter and early warm spring has me wondering what kind of summer awaits us.

Scientists tell us that an El Niño shift is likely and it may even be a shift to an unusually warm Pacific event, making a super El Niño event. That will mean a hot, humid summer with lots of rain for the Midwest. On the plus side, it might mean a calmer hurricane season for the Atlantic side of the US.

I think I'm going to need a pool.
If you think I have been a non-productive, isolated, introverted recluse in the past, a pool and a super El Niño may make for a super El Viejo!
I may have to stock up on cigars and tequila!

Trust me.I am not complaining. I am merely looking at ways to adapt to living in an extremely hot and muggy SWMO summer.

I did plant some stuff yesterday and will work on starting some seeds indoors for early May transplanting. My tomato and pepper starts should be ready to transplant to pots in a couple of weeks. 
I need to start some annual flowers for a few decorative pots and hanging baskets. In another week or so I will bring the deck plants up from the basement and put them back on the deck.
I'm thinking I may find a place to plant some more moonflowers in the back of the house this year. Most people won't get to see them, but since I spend nearly every evening back here I will get to enjoy them more than I do the ones in the front.

The birds seem to be enjoying spring as much as I do. They are quite noisy and active this morning. The rising sun and loud birds woke me up from my deck bed at just past 7am. Listening to the morning sounds while sipping my coffee is such a wonderful way to begin the day. I really do love beginning and ending days listening to the sounds of nature.
I am thankful for this privilege.

John

Slow Starter

I am terrible about getting work done.
I am a slow starter in the morning -- mostly because I really like to enjoy my coffee and quiet time. 
I am going to have to get back to making the effort to start work earlier. Movement is motivation, right?

I managed a little bit of work each of the past two days, but really need to accomplish more on a regular basis. My boss (me) is too generous with late start times, frequent breaks, and early shoves. It's almost like I spent my career as an air traffic controller. 
It is a grand thing to be able to stop what I am doing and run an errand with Chris and then go out for an unexpected meal. Truly -- retirement does not suck.

I can't even say just how happy these warm, sunny days make me feel.
Beginning and ending yesterday sitting on the deck was glorious.
Having the doors and windows open throughout the day is wonderful. 
Sleeping on the deck is peaceful and restorative.

There are still a few 40 (4-5c) degree nights in the two week forecast, but I am hoping we won't have any more frosty nights. 
Life in the Ozarks is looking like spring and John is a happy boy!

John

IT"S SPRING!!!

I am enjoying my morning coffee while sitting on the deck today. It is just a few minutes past the moment when the earth has crossed that point in its annual journey that marks the beginning of spring in the northern hemisphere.

One of the added tasks of the transition to spring is to prepare for the arrival of the hummingbirds. I need to get the feeders cleaned and ready for them. I figure I still have a week or so, but they will make good use of an alternate food source while waiting on the flowers to come into full bloom.

I've made the decision to get back on the motorcycle this year. I haven't done much riding in the past couple of years--none at all last year. I have a new battery, but I still need to get it ready, inspected and licensed. 
This seemed to be an appropriate mug for this morning's coffee.

I am looking forward to riding again, but I don't know if I'll be putting in many 500 mile days like I have in the past.
 
You've got to admit, she's a pretty bike.

I'll always remember parking it at a grocery store and an older couple was walking to their car. The woman said to me, "I don't know a thing about motorcycles, but I know about pretty and that's a pretty bike!"
It still makes me smile.

Happy spring to my northern hemisphere friends!

John

Back to Work -- the good kind of work!

Tomorrow will be the first of four days with temperatures forecast to be in the low to mid 80s (27+ c)!
I am going to try to get an early start and get some garden work done. 
I need to get my cole crops (broccoli, cabbage, and kale) planted, and I may plant onions and potatoes even though they are a few weeks late. 

I have an area that I need to re-till. That will have pumpkins, popcorn, and some sunflowers. And I need to till a new area for more sunflowers because Chris wants some on the west side of the house as well. I am excited to be working outside. 
I also need to get some annuals started for the hanging baskets and porch plants.
And I think it is time to take down the winter plastic panels from the screened in deck.

Also, if you are in the area and interested -- I have hostas that need to be thinned out. Just let me know when you'd like to come and get some. 

I know that there is still the possibility of another frost. The early plants will do fine with a bit of cold weather and I will wait a few weeks to put my indoor starts outside. 
But I am getting the spring fever! 

And I have a thought on starting my native grasses/native wildflower meadow. I think I'll start small and try to add to it each year. It may take a number of years to convert just one acre, but I think it will be a good way to make the change. 

Have I mentioned that I am looking forward to spring?

John

Signs of Summer

I know -- winter isn't over yet, but it is always summer in my head.

I am a left-side sleeper and the window next to the bed faces primarily to the south. 
A couple of nights ago, I woke up around 3 AM. I opened my eyes and saw the clock on the nightstand and noted the time. Then my gaze shifted to look out the window and I thought -- "Hey, that's the constellation Scorpio!"
It made me smile and then I went back to sleep.

The Scorpion is a summer constellation.

It is still a few days until spring begins.
If you live in the northern hemisphere and have a sunny day:
Stand outside at noon (local STANDARD time) and your shadow will point to true north.
As summer ends in the southern hemisphere, your shadows will point due south.
It's just one of those equinox things.

As we look forward to longer days in the northern hemisphere, it dawns on me (yes, that's an astronomical pun) that people living near the equator never get to experience the joy of longer periods of sunlight. They pretty much get 12 and 12 all year long.
It's weird that I haven't really thought about that before.

John

Monday Meditation

Today's meditation comes very late in the day.
I think my working days (nights) for this cold weather season are over.
Although the shelter may still be open on some nights in March, there will be other people to cover those shifts and I will return to being one of societies non-productive (maybe the least productive) members. 

Naturally, I've been thinking about this past year.
I'm glad that I worked again this season. I am thinking that I would like to be gone for a portion of the winter next year, so I may just go back to volunteering during the parts of the winter that I am at home. 
There is a lot of time between now and then. Who knows what I'll be thinking next fall?

But...
This has been a good season.
I am glad that I was back working regularly this year.
Although it seemed that finding volunteers was more difficult this year, the ones that did show up more than picked up by doing extra work. Everybody was so willing to do whatever needed to be done.

I really feel fortunate to be associated with the coordinators and organizers of the city's shelter program. There is certainly much more that can be done, but we are doing what we can to help a few people make it through the coldest nights. The coordinators of the Fairbanks shelter are the best of the best and I believe their work is truly appreciated by the people that come seeking shelter for themselves and their pets. 
Last night one of the long time shelter users was telling me the reasons why this shelter is his favorite and why so many people want to be at our shelter. It said so much about the real care that people feel from our small part of the overall shelter system.

There have been a number of wonderful, personal interactions with our guests this year. And I have enjoyed the conversations I've had with our volunteers, especially the ones that spent an overnight shift with me.

Good people give me hope.

John

Another Beautiful Day in the Ozarks

It looks like today will be a beautiful day, but winter is returning for a short appearance beginning tomorrow. Today will be sunny and warm with the temperature reaching 73 (23c). Tomorrow the temperatures will begin to drop, reaching 21 (-6c) by Monday morning. We'll probably even get a little snow.
Winter is like that angry person that you think is finally leaving only to turn back and yell, "And another thing ...!"

The local seasonal meme making its rounds is this one:

Even as it warms back up in a few days, it is still early enough that we shouldn't be surprised by a few more freezing nights. 

I managed an afternoon of sitting in the sun and enjoying a cigar, a drink, and some reading yesterday. I hope to do the same again this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I will be getting ready for another night (or two) at the shelter. 

I've missed a couple of days posting something on Facebook with the #40DaysofGoodShit tag. That doesn't mean that I haven't recognized the good stuff in life. It just means that I have been spending less time on that site and hope to continue to do so. 
I am starting to explore Substack a little bit more and think I will like it once I figure it out. When I think about it, I've been sharing this blog over there, as well.

I hope to get back to my conversations with spiritual leaders on deconstruction next week. This has been a weird week as far as routine goes.  
But still -- I have a good life.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

I wish I would have seen this 30 years ago!

John

No Labels

It has been quite some time since I have done a Monday morning meditation post. Typically, I have been working overnight during the cold-weather shelter season. I have continued with Monday morning breakfasts even on warmer nights when the shelter is closed.
However, this week my breakfast partner had other plans, so I am back to my Monday morning coffee and quiet time.

As a part of my 2026 Lenten observance, I have been examining my spirituality and my overall life as I try to come to grips with who I am and who I am becoming. Initially I was just looking at the spirituality and just where my faith deconstruction has brought me, but I really don't have a spiritual persona that is different from who I really am. I don't think that has always been the case. Recent conversations have helped me to sort that out.

Past identities may have labeled me as an air traffic controller, an evangelist, a preacher, a magician, or a number of other labels. Today I feel like more of an anonymous retired guy -- and I like that the best. I am happy to exist in the world without feeling like I have to be somebody. I do strive to be a good and kind person, but I don't know that it's that important for others to see me that way. It's just important to me as I struggle to live life with the love that Jesus talks about in the gospels.

I've never accepted the "What you see is what you get" or "It's just the way I am" lines as excuses for bad behavior, but they don't sound as bad when they are reasons for kindness. I think that is worth striving for. But that's more of an internal goal. It's who I want to be more than who I want others to think I am. There is a great deal of freedom in not living to please everyone else.

One realization of not really caring what others might think of me is the reciprocal understanding that most people don't care about what I might think of them! There are, of course, exceptions to both sides of that, but I think it holds true in most cases.
Just as I don't want to live to please others, I can't expect that others are going to live or to change how they live to please me. 

"Live, and let live," sounds easier than it is.

Signed,
Anonymous retired guy

In Like a Lion...

The worst of last night's severe weather stayed west and north of us. Highlandville got some of the heavy rain associated with the system, but nothing in the way of tornadoes, hail, nor damaging winds.
Light rain will continue throughout the morning and there are now flood warnings due to the heavy rainfall and swollen rivers and streams.
Hello, March!

In other news...
I am a little bit ahead of my reading goal of 52 books this year. Truthfully, I don't know if it's a goal. It's probably more of an estimate of what I think I'll read this year. I have really been pleased with returning to reading for enjoyment. For many years I read only for learning or some kind of self-improvement. Reading and enjoying fiction since being retired is a wonderful way to spend a day or evening. Typically, I prefer to read over watching TV. 

I have also been enjoying some one-on-one conversations, lately. I've had three different, purposeful meetings with individuals this week. It is amazing how much wisdom you can gather through understanding someone else's life experiences and how they have handled or even mishandled those events.

Perhaps I should consider spending more time with people.
It is surprising how just typing those words sets off warning bells in my mind. I am at peace in my little world and I tend to be very protective of that peace. I would have to be selective of the people that I would choose to spend time with. I seldom walk away from chance encounters feeling better from the experience, so I am cautious about where I spend my time and energy. 
I also understand and appreciate the privilege I have in being able to choose to be alone and live in peace.

Today's rain won't get me down. Although there is work to be done outside, it is March and such weather is to be expected. Besides, I have flower seeds planted and they need the rain. My bulbs are starting to grow, and the hostas should be emerging soon. Rain is a good thing.

Watch for the constellation Leo the Lion rising in the night sky.
The constellation -- not the weather -- is where the "in like a lion" comes from.

John

Wednesday: How is your Lent going?

Good morning from the front porch of our home in Highlandville MO!
It looks to be another overcast day and this morning's 62 (18c) degrees could be the high for the day. 
No worries. 
We'll likely get a little rain this afternoon, and I am confident that we are not completely past the winter weather, but I am happy to see the signs of spring all around me.
Today we will have 11 hours and 29 minutes of daylight in Highlandville as we continue to add minutes approaching the spring equinox.

My Lenten practices are going -- meh, okay I guess. I have enjoyed the couple of spiritual leader conversations that I have had and am looking forward to more of those. My reading of Merton's diary is going slowly. It's not really what I was expecting, but it does give me some insight to his person and I think it will help understand his perspective should I read more of his writings. I have not done a good job of keeping up with my own gospel reading and diary.
Since it has only been two weeks, it is difficult to measure if I have been more purposeful about being around other people. One or two scheduled meetings with others is a significant step for me, so I guess I have done quite well. I've already had two people meets this week and have two more scheduled!

I have generally managed a #40DaysofGoodShit post to my Facebook page, even while spending much less time on my Chromebook or smartphone. I did miss yesterday, but posted on Sunday (not counted in the 40 days of Lent) so I guess I'm still good. As with most days, yesterday was good -- nothing special, but still a good day. I expect today to be the same. 

John

Coffee time!

I enjoy -- not just like -- but really enjoy a good cup of coffee. 
There is a guy at our church that roasts and sells coffee as a side hustle. It has been a little while since I have bought coffee from him (mostly because I don't actually go to church very often). A week ago I saw his wife and asked if he was still roasting coffee and she responded by telling me that he was at home roasting as we were speaking. I said if he was roasting Ethiopian beans, I wanted some.

He was and Tuesday morning I picked up a double order. 
Yesterday, I finished the last of my bulk Ethiopian beans from Mama Jeans, and I am now enjoying my natural washed, freshly roasted, freshly brewed Ethiopian beans from my friend. 
If you haven't already figured it out -- yes, Ethiopian origin coffees are my favorites!

Good coffee makes me happy.
It's not a jump up and down, celebration kind of happy. It's more like a sip and enjoy, contented kind of happy. That's what I am feeling this morning.

It is a grand way to begin a day!
Plus today is the second of my scheduled conversations with religious leaders about deconstruction. I am looking forward to it. 

The sun is shining and the temperature should make it to the mid 60s (17-18c) today. 
I have a lunch meeting planned, I might get a little gardening work in this afternoon, and I might just make it to Barchurch this evening.
It is shaping up to be a pretty fine day in the life of John!

John
#40DaysofGoodShit

Good Stuff

It's weird to realize that you haven't been on the internet much in the past few days. After a couple of days (nights) at the shelter I am on the Chromebook for the first time since Sunday afternoon. Admittedly, I do access several sites with my phone on a regular basis, but I am still a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to using everyday tech gadgets. 

I have worked with a few new volunteers or with people that have been volunteering on different nights recently. Our volunteers have such varying and interesting backgrounds and come to serve for different reasons. Several have been on the street themselves at some point and have a firsthand knowledge of how important shelters like ours are.

Over the years, I have worked with a couple of people that are fulfilling court mandated community service hours. One woman continued working past her hours because she said she liked doing the shelter work. Some volunteers are retired (like me), some are business owners, some are well educated and teach at a university, others are blue collar or service industry workers, some are between jobs. It is quite a variety of people we get to help our community through the coldest nights.
One of our regular volunteers gets clothing donations from friends and fills the closet every week when he works. 
It really encourages me to see so many good people doing good work and following in the path of loving our neighbors.
 
Each year, as we draw close to the end of the cold weather shelter season, I find myself saying that I am not going to be back next year and think of spending the winter months someplace where winter isn't really a thing, But the need will still be here and something compels me to return and serve in some capacity. There is a part of my brain that keeps telling me that I am getting too old for this shit, but then my regular overnight helper that is five years older shows up makes me realize that it's just an excuse to justify not doing it. 

I really don't know what next winter will hold for me. The draw to be warm pulls me southward. But if I am here, I will likely be back at the shelter for part of that time.

Today, I am satisfied and encouraged.
I am happy that there are good people doing good things in a world that makes so much more of the bad stuff.
#40DaysofGoodShit

John

Deconstructed Faith Bros

Where are the deconstructed faith bros of Southwest Missouri (SWMO)?
One of the weird things about looking for religious leaders to talk to about their new faith walk is realizing that the "out" leaders are mostly women.

I'm wondering if the men are just quietly going along their ways solo (kind of like me) or if there just aren't that many in this highly patriarchal, highly misogynistic, religiously fundamental corner of the world?

I know I don't have a large following at all, much less here in SWMO, so if anybody knows of deconstructed male leaders that are here in SWMO I would like to know about them too -- even if they are no longer in the religion business. (Can we be honest and admit that religion is really just another business?)

I had a recent conversation with an older (my age) gay man that said he didn't come out to himself until he was 50. He is now retired and still struggles to come out openly to people because of the religious backlash that exists in this fundamentally conservative and homophobic area. 
Maybe coming out as deconstructed produces a similar fear. I know that I lost a large number of "friends" and acquaintances over speaking up against injustices of churches and for not bending to the political leanings of church people. Critical thinking is not a friend of those that control religious people.

Just some observations.
Anyway, if you know of someone drop me a message or leave me a comment. Comments posted to the blog (not Facebook) are moderated so they won't be made public if you tell me the info is just for me personally.

It's only Day 3 of Lent.
How are you doing?

John

Ash Wednesday

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

If I'm being honest, I've never really understood the ashes part. If we're looking to the Bible I can see that we were created from the dust of the land, but ashes? Where did that come from? 
(answer -- The Book of Common Prayers)

I don't think it really matters. It just reminds me that the whole Lenten season is more made up, controlling church bullshit. Ash Wednesday became the beginning of 40 days of fasting (not counting the 6 Sundays) leading up to Easter that we call Lent. While pre-Easter fasting was a thing for a few centuries, this particular Papal decree began in the year 601 of the Common Era. The 40 days are representative of Jesus' days in the wilderness.

I don't think that the Lenten season is without merit. Reflection and repentance are good things. I plan on purposefully doing both this year -- examining my spiritual life (which is really just my life) and repenting (the biblical changing how I think) where I need it.

I have reached out to a few pastors or spiritual leaders that I respect and will meet with them to ask questions about areas where I have been struggling. I would like to find someone for each of the six weeks of Lent and may continue the practice beyond the Lenten season.
Fasting is no longer a common practice among Christians, nor is it a common practice in Western culture. It has been quite a number of years since my last serious fast, but is something I am considering.

I am going to participate in Nadia Bolz-Weber's #40DaysofGoodShit (a Lenten practice for cranky people). It's really creating awareness of the good people and things that are in our everyday lives that we often overlook.
My Day 1 is waking up on the deck after sleeping outside last night. The temperature was just a couple of degrees below 60 (15c) and I slept well. It was the second night this month that I've slept outside. Yes, I am looking forward to spring!

There isn't anything here to qualify for a Wednesday Wisdom post. I could probably find a meme or quote to slap on it, but I think I'll let it slide this week. 
Or offer these simple words of comedian Emily Catalano -- Life is short and we are ... butt dust.

John

A Disturbance in The Force

Okay, maybe not as dramatic as a disturbance in The Force, but it was a disturbance in my normal routine. Hopefully it will become a regular kind of disturbance.

This morning, as I did my typical scroll through the blogs I frequent, I realized that I missed several posts from yesterday.
Oh yeah! I wasn't on my Chromebook yesterday morning because I went out to breakfast instead of sipping coffee and going through my typical morning routine at home.

This winter's shelter schedule has paired me with a guy that has volunteered in past years. We seemed to hit it off well and he generally signs up to volunteer on  Sunday nights, which is one of my scheduled days to work if shelters are open. This year we started going out to breakfast on Monday mornings after our long overnight shift. For the past two weeks, we have met for breakfast even though the shelters were not open.

I do hope that it is a Monday morning habit that we keep throughout the spring and summer. I'll be leaving for a few weeks this spring, so I will have to make sure to reconnect for breakfast when I get back. We both have Red Access Memberships to the Springfield Cardinals games, but have only run into each other at ballgames a few times in the past few years. Maybe we'll see each other at the ballpark this season.

     * * * * * 

An interesting article rolled through my feed yesterday. It was about how men retire without connections outside of their work or careers and often feel lost or lonely in retirement. While it is true that work was the only connection that I had with most of my co-workers and I haven't really kept in touch with anyone in my retirement, I wouldn't say that I ever feel lonely. I have just gotten used to doing things alone and I am okay with that.
Between retiring from work and leaving evangelical christianity (lower case c intentional) I lost most connections outside of family. Very few of those have been replaced along the way and I honestly have not put much effort into developing new friendships along the way. There may come a day that I am a lonely, bitter old man and regret not having made more of an effort to connect with people, but I feel that is unlikely. 
For now, simply having breakfast is as much of a disturbance in The Force as I care to make.

John

 

Current contemplation: To Lent or not to Lent?

I haven't been very religious for the past decade or so. I haven't been a practicing Catholic for much, much longer than that. I generally don't even think of myself as "Christian" anymore. I'm just a guy trying to follow the teachings of Jesus and figure things out.
However, I find myself considering a somewhat traditional observance of Lent this year. I'm not talking about a give up something/suffering for Christ thing, but I am trying to figure out some kind of daily practice to help me to grow spiritually.

Naturally, I am thinking about things like daily reading of the Bible or other writings of a spiritual nature (currently reading some early Merton stuff).
Regular mindfulness practice like meditation is something I need to get back to doing.
I'm thinking about maybe contacting several pastors or religious leaders to meet with them and discuss practices for spiritual growth and perceptions that they have towards it.

But I am also thinking that 40 days of purposeful exercise and healthy dieting is a worthwhile and mindful spiritual practice. Taking care of the temple is an area that my entire being has most definitely neglected for most of my life. 

I am hopeful that whatever I decide in the next few days will be something that incorporates both the physical and the metaphysical aspects of life and will give me something to continue beyond the 40 days of Lent.
Ash Wednesday is this week, February 18, and marks the beginning of Lent.

How about you?
Are any of my more religious readers planning any kind of Lenten observance?
Just wondering.

John

What is -- Living the good life?

In all honesty -- I have a good life.
It is simple; that is for sure.
I am not wealthy, but I have more than I need.
I have simple pleasures and often spend money on frivolous things like cigars, alcohol (bourbon and tequila), sodas, and candy bars.
We have two (older) cars, a hybrid truck, and a motorcycle.

Although I take some daily meds for high blood pressure, suffer from obstructive sleep apnea, and need to lose 80 pounds (36 kg), I am in otherwise decent health. I often say I'm pretty healthy for a fat guy. 

Being outside -- even just sitting outside -- makes me happy.
Planting flowers, seeing them bloom, watching the birds, bees, and butterflies enjoy them makes me happy.
Watching the sun set makes me happy.
Admiring the night sky and looking for familiar stars and constellations makes me happy.
Sitting on the covered deck and listening to a spring or summer rain shower makes me happy.
Sleeping outside makes me happy.
Seeing the beauty and wisdom of our Creator in all of creation makes me happy and brings joy and peace to my soul.

Like I said -- I have a good life.

What does a good life look like for you?
Seriously. I'd like to know.

John

February in the Ozarks!

Yesterday was coffee on the deck.  
Today I'm by the fireplace!
Must be February in the Ozarks!

No worries, though. Every day in February is a day closer to spring!
And I know there will be fewer freezing nights in the weeks to come.

I used the warmer days to do a little garden prep for some vegetables and sunflowers.
I also scattered some seeds from last year's cone flowers (Echinacea). I need to do some work in the flower beds -- cut back the Rugosa rose bush, clean out last year's zinnia stems. and re-rock and mulch the compass rose flower bed. There is plenty to do for the remaining days of February and for early March.

I have the recycling stuff loaded into the truck and will be making my way to Springfield to take it in. I have a little bit of glass and the center in Ozark doesn't take glass. Also, I need to make the Springfield run to pick up and drop off the shelter laundry anyway. I suppose it is good to have something to do on a day that's a little cool to be gardening.
It isn't really too cool to be gardening today. It's just too cool to be working outside in shorts and a t-shirt!

And I've been purposely people-ing --
Breakfast with a friend on Monday, dinner with small group tonight, Chaplain lunch meeting tomorrow and maybe Barchurch tomorrow evening. 
What is going on?

I ran across this quote for a little Wednesday Wisdom.
I wonder if you can be happy and be a philosopher.
Hmmm...?

John

Morning on the deck

It has been a minute!
With a deck temperature of 60 (15c) degrees, I decided that it would be a good morning to enjoy coffee on the deck today.

I slept a little later than normal.I guess a couple of hours of yard work is enough to wear me out this early in the season. It's okay, though. It feels good to be outside and getting a jump on the gardening. With pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training camps it will be planting season before you know it!

     * * * * * 
I haven't been a big follower of Olympic sports for quite some time. I do like the stories of many of the athletes that are competing, more than I like the actual competition.
I like the US athletes that proudly represent a USA that embraces the spirit of the Olympics and honors everybody. 
I am proud of their boldness to speak up and say that they represent a USA that stands up for one another and shows love and compassion for our neighbors.

It is disgusting that there are people that criticize their comments. Even though they haven't said anything negative about the president (lower case p intentional) or the current administration, supporters of the president are lashing out at them for their comments. 
Seriously, WTF?

I have purposefully kept Out of My Hat out of politics for quite some time. I honestly don't believe I have many conservatives that follow me anymore, certainly not many Trump cultists. I do recognize that you can be conservative and not be in favor of this administration's policies and tactics, but if that is you then you have a responsibility to say something as well -- compliance is complicity.

Let's face it -- 
In the USA due process is a right of every person -- citizen and non-citizen alike.
That is not what we have been seeing. 
For decades the right has been saying that the Democrats are coming for your guns, but now it is the current administration that is talking about limiting access and rights to carry. If the right to bear arms is supposed to be to protect ourselves from government tyranny, you 2A m'fers are now a part of the tyranny rather than the protectors.

smh

I keep thinking that surely they will wake up and see the constitutional violations that are happening. Unfortunately, I think we have moved beyond the point of no return. If they haven't seen it by now, they never will. 
Let me say it again -- You can be a conservative and see that what is happening is un-American. Supporting what you know to be a violation of the Constitution isn't patriotism. You are a part of the fascist regime.
Wake up!

Our Olympic athletes make me proud.
Our current government --- not so much.

John

 

A Church for Hermits

It has been a wonderful morning!
I had breakfast with two friends this morning -- a couple of guys that I had not seen in quite some time.
When I talk about people that I connect with, these are two of the guys that I am talking about. I don't know if it's a soul connection or an energy vibe or what exactly. I just know that there is a part of my spirit that is energized by spending time with them.

The conversation was easy. 
We talked about our kids and family, a bit about sports, work, church, and just about life in general. It was a grand way to start the day -- except for that alarm clock thing!
I use my alarm so rarely that it really startled me this morning. I woke up suddenly thinking, "What the hell is that?!"
I am so glad that I am privileged to the point of not needing to do that anymore.

In the church part of our conversation, someone mentioned that I need a church for hermits. I wonder how that would work.
Honestly, I miss the community part of church and I think there has to be a way to find that in a way that isn't otherwise uncomfortable. Too much of church life and structure just doesn't work for me anymore. I need a spiritual community that is somehow separated from religion. I think that I am slowly building that -- I even came home and had a conversation with a Southern Baptist pastor friend that is working his own way through deconstruction and reconstruction. 

There is still much about my former Christianity that I still struggle with.
And yes -- I said former Christianity. I think the first century followers had it right when they were simply followers of the way or disciples of Jesus.
And just maybe those early opponents had it right when they used "Christian" as a derogatory term, as well.

I am a follower of Jesus rather than a worshiper of Jesus. I am a disciple; a student of what he taught. Unlike many of my deconstructed evangelical brothers, I am not ready to toss baby Jesus out with the proverbial bathwater. I don't think I am able to separate the Divine Christ from the human Jesus as a good teacher just yet. 
It's weird, but I am comfortable in my spiritual struggle right now. The struggle for truth is way better than the comfortable lie and control I was living under.

So if anybody knows of or plans to start a church for hermits -- let me know.
It just might be my kind of church!

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 "He who learns but does not think, is lost!
He who thinks but does not learn, is in great danger."
--Confucius

February

It's February!
I am looking forward to some warmer temperatures, although I think the snow covered ground is keeping them a little cooler these first few days of the month. I think (hope) most of that will be melted away by the end of today. I realize that we are just at the mid point of winter and there is plenty of cold weather ahead, but I am ready for spring.

I got some fabric planting containers that were delivered yesterday. I am excited about that and ready to get started on gardening. 
I am looking forward to spring gardening as much as I have ever been. I don't know if it's because I'm looking to do more in the way of vegetables or if it's just that I am really tired of winter and ready to be doing something in the way of working outside. I am ready to stop with the sweatpants and long sleeved shirts and get back to shorts, t-shirts and bare feet!
I don't believe that I suffer from SADD, but the desire for longer days and warmer temperatures is real.

It's the third today
A bit late to begin now
I'll skip haiku month

John

Eleven Years

Today marks eleven years since the official end of my career as an air traffic controller. 
As much as I enjoyed the ATC gig, being retired from it is way better! I haven't engaged in supplemental income through contract work as an instructor or staff at any facility and don't understand why others have. I am apparently much less driven to have more, do more, or be more than many of my former coworkers. My pension, Social Security, and Thrift Savings Plan are enough to support my simple retirement lifestyle. 

My retirement from the evangelist/gospel magician gig came a few years later when we were unceremoniously invited to leave the church where we had served for a couple of decades because we didn't object to allowing a transgender woman to be a part of the fellowship. 
Wow! Talk about blessings in disguise! 
Admittedly, I kind of miss the magician part -- more than the ATC gig, and definitely more than the church/religious bullshit. In fact, these days I rarely make an appearance in church of any kind, and when I do it is with a small group from church that meets at a brewery!

My life today is much different that what I might have imagined it to be eleven years ago. 
But I am a much different person than I was eleven years ago, so it makes sense. 
Life happens.
People change.
People grow.
Or maybe people stay the same and you (or I) grow.

I am at peace.
I think I've always been able to find the centering peace within me, but it is helpful to be truly aware of oneself and to be able to purposefully find the calming, peaceful, almost magical presence that connects us to everything around us. Perhaps mystical is a better word than magical.
I wish I had been paying attention to that voice rather than allowing myself to be controlled by the church voices and others that speak and teach from outside of myself. 

If I were ever to go back to preaching, that is what I would teach -- that the Spirit of God lives within you. Find that voice.
Nurture that part of your being -- feed it, exercise it, help it to grow.
Learn to recognize that same spirit in others. 
Let the spirit connect us to each other and to the world around us.

Think about the philosophy that we are not bodies with souls, but rather we are souls with bodies. When we begin to view life from a spiritual perspective rather than a physical perspective everything changes.

Earthly status doesn't matter in the spiritual realm.
Wealth doesn't matter in the spiritual realm.
Power  doesn't matter in the spiritual realm.
Skin color doesn't matter in the spiritual realm.
Gender doesn't matter in the spiritual realm.
National borders don't matter in the spiritual realm.
Even the religious beliefs of us humans don't matter in the spiritual realm.

Find and strengthen the God spirit within yourself, then look for and connect with the God spirit in others.

I don't think it is a message that will preach well in our world today. Too many want to cling to the perceived power or control that their current beliefs give them.
Fair warning!!! -- Following Jesus is way harder than worshiping Jesus.

There!
I said what I said.
Now you know why I don't preach anymore.

John

Can We Just Skip Ahead to Spring?

January is finally coming to an end, but it looks like the disturbance in the polar vortex will continue to bring cold weather to the Midwest and beyond into early February.
Sacrebleu!

Although February is really in the very heart of winter, I always feel like spring is getting close. MLB teams are all in spring training camp by the end of week two, so it has to be close, right?

This stretch of cold weather has me a little out of sorts. I haven't even been reading much lately.
Maybe it has to do with the addition of snow cover that lasts for more than a few days. 
Maybe it is the extra nights of working.
Maybe I am getting too old for this cold weather crap and need to move to a warmer climate.
Maybe it's that SADD thing getting to me this season.

I'm not sure what it is, but I am ready for spring!

There is a part of me that wants to be present in the moment and appreciate the winter and what it accomplishes in the cycles of nature. But I am also very much looking forward to planting a garden and watching flowers grow. I don't like spending too much energy on the days ahead. It feels like I am cheating today by doing that. I can tend to my early plants and do things to prepare for the coming weeks rather than just wasting time thinking about it. 
I ordered some containers for tomatoes and have already started my tomato plants. I think I'll also grow peppers (also started) in containers and I bought some larger containers for potatoes and sweet potatoes. I'm wondering how that will go and also wondering how I will do on the crops that require more patience than some of the others.

This weekend marks eleven years since I hung up my headset and retired from the ATC gig. It is hard to believe that it's been that long. 
Talk about privilege! Wow!

Enjoy the remaining moments of January. 
Retirement in any month is better than going to work!

John

Regrets

Earlier this week I read a post that someone shared about their parent's regrets about not having been active during the civil rights demonstrations of the 60s. I'm wondering if this is our moment to either be active now or regret it later when it comes to demonstrating or actively speaking out against the government injustices that are taking place.

It also got me thinking about my own regrets.
I have come to terms with my past religious teachings, knowing that I was teaching what I had been taught and truly believed I was doing the right thing. But now I am wondering if maybe I have stepped away from religion long enough and it's time to begin to share how my beliefs have evolved into being less of a worshiper of Jesus and more of a follower of Jesus.

Although my past observation of -- The farther I got from religion, the closer I got to God -- still holds true, I'm now wondering how evangelism works when it comes to helping people recognize the Spirit of God that resides within themselves and also in the people around us.
How does one follow what Jesus taught, and teach what Jesus taught, and manage to leave religion out of it?
Is the St. Francis model of preaching by practice and only using words when necessary an effective way of following Jesus? Is it an effective way to teach others what Jesus taught?  
Is it even necessary to teach others what I know or believe about following Jesus?
...or just about living a peaceful life?

I think I need a warm day and a good cigar to figure it out.
It might be a long time before that happens.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

When Monday Mornings Aren't Mornings

This winter is making for weird Monday mornings. Working at the cold weather shelter on Sunday and Monday nights means that my Monday mornings are really Monday evening. 

On what is actually Monday morning, I typically end my Sunday overnight shift by going out to eat (breakfast) at a little diner along Old Route 66 with one of the other shelter workers. Then I head home and eventually sleep from 11 to 5pm or so and then get up and get ready for another overnight.
This becomes my Monday morning.

This evening time "morning" still has coffee as a part of my wake-up routine, but not much else is the same. Today I am getting in a little time on the Chromebook and blogging, but that hasn't been the case most of the winter. A little less screen time is never a bad thing these days.

The coming days are going to be bitterly cold and Springfield MO is woefully under equipped to help shelter our homeless population. Even on our best nights, we have fewer than 300 beds for the nearly 1000 unsheltered people in the area. Our little shelter has added a few cots recently and made room for a few more pets, but we are at capacity. Last night I had a couple of cots in the hallway and one person on the floor. We were literally wall-to-wall with people and pets.
The next 10 days or so will be extremely challenging and quite dangerous for the unsheltered population of SWMO.

No time for a Monday Meditation post. I have to get ready for work.

John

Brrr...

Much of the Ozarks is waking up to frigid temperatures this morning. "Feels like" -4 (-20c) means that it's coffee by the fireplace for me today. I will have absolutely no reason to venture out into the cold until this evening when I will make my way into the shelter to keep a few dozen people and their pets company throughout the night. 

I haven't felt like writing much lately, but I have been reading. 
It has been a long time since somebody has talked to me about reading The Bible, but one of the overnight guests at the shelter asked if I'd ever read through the complete book before. 
I have, but it has honestly been some time since I have made it a part of my daily habit. I am not going to read through it from beginning to end again. I can't think of a single reason to do that. But I am going to read through the new testament with a different perspective than I have in the past.

It is difficult to set aside nearly all that I was taught about The Bible as I read through it again, but much of what I learned was weaponizing the ancient text to control a society into blindly serving some made up, bullshit religion and worshiping a god of its own design. I'm pretty much over the religion of Christianity that worships Jesus, but fails to do -- even actively opposes -- the things that he taught concerning how to live in harmony with one another. 
Studying the life and teaching of Jesus without the cloak of religion is both challenging and freeing, but takes a little more time and effort than simply reading the gospels. I am hoping that I will have the persistence to see it through.

     * * * * *

Switching topics to Things I Learned This Week

Did you know that the word myriad once represented a specific number of things rather than being a countless quantity?
To the ancient Greeks a myriad was ten thousand.

Did you know that poecilonym (PEE-sill-oh-nim) and polyonym are both synonyms for synonym?

Both from my Word Nerd calendar.

Have a great week!
John

The value of a day

 

It's the weekend! (It is, isn't it?)

Normally, weekends aren't a big deal for us retired folk, but this has been a weird kind of week. Yesterday (Friday) was the first day all week that I didn't have to go somewhere or do something. It was nice to just stay at home all day. I didn't even manage to go down the street to check the mailbox.

Aside from being a busier than normal week, the first week of January was also unseasonably warm. It was nice to spend a couple of days doing some yard work and sitting in the sun. Winter is returning and that means it is back to work at the shelter for a couple of nights.

In a recent conversation with an overnight volunteer we discussed some of the reasons for volunteering or working at the shelter. There was a time when it gave me a sense of accomplishment or made me feel good about myself for doing a service in the community. I'm not certain that still exists for me. Now I feel like I am doing it just because it needs to be done and I don't really get the same sense of personal satisfaction from doing it that I once did. I just do it.
I don't think it's a good thing nor a bad thing. It's just the way it is. And maybe it does keep me from being the absolutely least productive member of society, although not by much.

     * * * * *

In other news -- I finished my first book of the year! It was the historical fiction, The Runes Of Victory about Anglos and Saxons defending against Viking attacks in early 9th century England. Today, I will finish Let Them. 
I've already started a new non-fiction book, Inner Anarchy by deconstructed mega-church pastor Jim Palmer. I believe this is his most recent book. I should probably read some of his earlier works, as well. Fwiw, this is another paper and ink book. I'll figure out what fiction book I'll read from my Kindle library later today.

I may help setup the shelter cots tonight, but otherwise it looks to be another non-productive day in the life of John. If you are doing something to make the world a better place -- thank you. 

John

Too much to do!

Monday -- midday shelter work
Yesterday -- doctor's appointment.
Today -- early car appointment
Tomorrow -- morning shelter work

Whatever happened to my quiet, non-productive retired life?

Actually, the past couple of days have been decent days and I have managed to take advantage of the warm weather by getting a few things done around the house; nothing major, just a few things that needed to be done now are. 
There are plenty of things like that. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours tilling an area for spring planting. I may go over it again today and then once more before planting. Anyone that has tried tilling or plowing land in SWMO understands why there is no crop farming here. The ground is hard, mostly clay, and full of rocks. A couple of hours behind a tiller can beat you up. I'm a bit surprised that my hands and wrists aren't sore today.

Working outside in shorts and a t-shirt was nice for early January. We will have a couple more warm days before winter returns. I am looking forward to spring and planting my Christmas seeds -- pumpkins, sunflowers, and popcorn.
After working yesterday, I sat in the sun and enjoyed a cigar and a tequila and soda. I am looking forward to many similar days. I know that this simple life isn't for everyone, but I do enjoy it.

I hope you have a chance to enjoy whatever today holds for you. 
It's time for me to take a car to the shop.

John

Communication: Is it a lost art?

I think that people often communicate to deceive.
We have gotten so used to listening to people that try to control us by manipulative speech, that we have accepted that as normal and have maybe even started to communicate with others by trying to say what they want to hear while meaning something very different.

I doubt that most politicians or religious leaders (remember when those were very different kinds of people?) would agree with Quintilian. It seems that intentional ambiguity is the way of public speaking these days.

John

It's not spring -- but I'll take it!

A few January days in the mid 60s (17c or so) -- I'll take it!
I'm actually a little excited about it.

It is still just a bit above freezing, but I am looking forward to a much warmer than normal day today. Although I have plenty to do, I am pretty certain that there is a cigar waiting for me this afternoon. 

I ran across this list of challenges for the new year.

You can click it to big it.
Are there any here that you think might be beneficial for you?

I think the first one is good. Having to start over if you complain or gossip in the 21 days might make it an ongoing experiment that lasts the whole year.
Actually, they are all helpful in setting new habits and only as difficult as your current lifestyle differs from each challenge. The 75 day protocol would be the most difficult for me. The rest of them, not so much as I do a bit of them already.

I've never been a big New Year's Resolution person. If you need to change something, just change it. 
"Starting tomorrow..." would work just as well as waiting for January 1st to roll around. Having an artificially imposed starting day like Jan 1 doesn't do much for us procrastinators. 
Nonetheless, I think I'll get started early on my outside work today and make a little more time for that afternoon cigar.

Be well, my friends!

John

What are you reading?

It is highly unusual for me to have four books going at a time, but that is my current situation. Three books is rare, but not too weird. Two books (usually a fiction and non-fiction) is pretty normal. One book happens about as often as three books.

Of my current four, only one is fiction -- The Runes of Victory by John Broughton, an 8th century English tale of a small village and Viking invaders. I started it because I just needed a fiction book to read and it was in my Kindle library, no doubt a free download from a regular listing of free or cheap books somewhere. I'll probably finish it before I finish the others.

The main one open is Mel Robbins' bestseller, Let Them. I had some Amazon credits and decided to see what all the hype was. I've got to say, I think it's mostly hype.
The material is decent and I pretty much already use the philosophies I've read so far. I'm not a podcast listener and I can't imagine hyping this simple stress relief to the point of some viral sensation. One of the difficult things for me in working through the book is that I believe she is writing primarily to women. I only know her story from what I've read in the book and I may have that wrong, but I think that she probably writes like she talks on her podcast and that means she fills a lot of time with unnecessary words. 
I am almost to the halfway point and I will finish it, but it may take another week as I can only read the rambling monologue for so long before needing a break. If you have an over-stressed life and need a self-proclaimed expert to tell you to stop doing stupid stuff and caring about what meaningless people think about you -- well, this book is for you. 
That may be a little premature as I am not even halfway through it yet, but that would be my assessment to this point.

The third book is more of a lesson book that is a part of my quest to learn to speak and understand Spanish. Madrigal's Magic Key to Spanish is a way to help me increase my Spanish vocabulary and pick up whatever help I can as I try to pick up the language while living as a hermit in SWMO.

The fourth and final book is a book of meditations of the former Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. 
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is a collection of his personal writings that were likely meant just for is own reflection. They were discovered and made public in the mid 1500s, The writings share his stoic philosophy and wisdom and will be something I use in my own meditative time rather than something that I simply read to get through.

Two of these books I read on Kindle and two are actual paper and ink books.

It's 2026.
What are you reading?

John

FOMO isn't a thing for me.

FOMO -- the fear of missing out

It was just a few minutes before midnight when I found out that yesterday (Jan 2) was World Introvert Day. 
I almost missed it!

On the other hand, I did observe it the way any solidly introverted person would -- I stayed home, potted a few plants, read a little bit, watched a movie on my Chromebook, and avoided contact with other people. It turned out to be a wonderfully fitting observance of the day.
I did have to make a quick run to get some food for the cat, but that was my only exposure to the outside world for the day. Although today is not World Introvert Day, I will carry on in much the same way as I do every day.

It looks like the nighttime temps may drop below the freezing point this weekend, so I may have to put in a night or two at the shelter. Daytime temps will be in the 60s (upper teens for you Celsius folk) for next week and I hope to get some of the outdoor work done that I mentioned in yesterday's post. It's also been a little while since I've been able to sit and enjoy a cigar so that will likely happen next week, too.

I have a pretty low expectations kind of life. It suits me quite well. 
I don't do drama.
I am happy to let people do their own thing and work out their own issues.
I am beginning to understand the Buddhist and Toltec beliefs that attachments (to people and things) cause suffering (Buddhist) and that we are addicted to suffering (Toltec).
Perhaps we could all use a little suffering intervention.

Ah well, life goes on.

If you are one of those that wants to learn something every day -- 
From my Word Nerd calendar:
Overmorrow is the day after tomorrow.
And for a bonus:
Ere-yesterday is the day before yesterday.

John

Is it spring yet?

Okay, so I know that spring is still more than two months away, but I think I am going to think spring in my head and begin planning my garden. 

I did ask for some specific seeds for Christmas and someone must have lied to Santa (or Hannah and Jason) about me being a good boy last year because I got them -- sunflowers, pumpkins, and popcorn! Those are all crops that need to be planted in the ground rather than started inside since their roots are sensitive to movement and they don't typically survive transplanting. 
The weather is supposed to be nice next week, so I may begin tilling an area for them. I am actually pretty excited about all three varieties.

If you are planning ahead and want some hostas, I will have plenty to share this year. Some gardeners recommend splitting them in winter, but I have found them to do well pretty much anytime and will wait until spring to thin mine. Just let me know if you have a shady spot that you want to fill.

I do want to get an early start to some cole crops this year -- cabbages, kale, broccoli, and maybe some collard greens. I also want to plant some spinach and lettuce, but those starts can wait a little longer. 
Planning a garden is almost as much fun as working it, so I will do what I can for the moment.

What are your spring plans?
Is it too soon to ask?

John

Stuff and Nonsense

Here are a few things that happened in the past year that you may not have known about:

The moon moved 3.8 cm away from the earth
The sun lost 174 trillion tons of its mass and the earth's orbit increased by 1.5 cm
150 billion stars formed in the visible universe
Andromeda Galaxy moved 3.5 billion km closer to us
and the Universe expanded by more than 60 trillion km

Closer to home and not nearly as significant:

I managed to read 40 books in 2025
I finished the year 15 pounds lighter than I started it
I learned a little bit more about smoking meats and enjoyed experimenting with the smoker

I expect that universal stuff will remain constant in 2026, while John stuff will remain chaotic.
All-in-all, I have a pretty good life.
I should probably work on being more social, but honestly doubt that I will. Maybe I'll just throw out an open invitation for anyone to join me on the deck for a drink and a cigar and see what happens.
Then again, maybe I won't.
Why take a chance on ruining a good thing?

For better or for worse, 2026 is underway.
My plan is to enjoy each day and to focus on keeping my little world a good place to be. 
Let's do this!

John