Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Givers and Takers

Ever notice how some people are givers and others are takers. As an observer of human behaviors, I am convinced that a balance of the two is difficult at best and impossible for most.

Takers come in different varieties. Some are aggressive takers--purposely taking from others for their own advancement or benefit. Some of these are even malicious--not caring if somebody is hurt in the process. Some takers are unaware of their steady drain on the world around them. They choose to believe that everybody takes and this is just the way life is--for everybody. High maintenance people would fall into this category. Although many of them recognize that they are high maintenance, few would admit to being takers.

My favorite takers are the passive-aggressive type. The disguise themselves as givers but what they are really taking is attention. Doing good for recognition. They are hurt and whiny when nobody notices all of the good things that they have done and they are not going to snap out of their little pity party until somebody pats them on the back and tells them what a great person they are.

Takers seem to have an endless amount of energy to continue with the lifestyle of taking. No wonder--they take everything, including energy.

Givers, on the other hand, sometimes tire of giving. While it may be a part of their character to give, they forget that they need to have rest or a time to resupply or re-energize themselves. Compulsive givers will feel guilty about not having anything to give and will try to give anyway. Givers sometimes feel that nobody loves them. They are the ones that are there for their friends when a friend is needed but often feel that nobody is there for them. Of course, givers seldom want to burden their friends with problems and so nobody knows when the giver is in need. It seems that some givers are very lonely people...but nobody notices or would imagine that they are lonely. They tend to recharge on their own. Sometimes it's through rest. Sometimes it's a spiritual recharging. Sometimes it just takes time.

Where some givers will have the occasional desire to be a taker; takers rarely desire to be givers. There has to be a balance...for everybody.

I'm not a proponent of communism by any means, but...if it were ever able to achieve its highest level in society, then the Marxism "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs," would work. We have to remember that we all have needs. We also have to recognize that we all have the ability to contribute to the needs of others.

If you've been blessed, give accordingly. If you have a need, see that it it gets met. I don't believe that anybody would proudly claim, "I'm a drain on society!" Nobody has to always be a taker.

Be healthy. Be balanced.

John

5 comments:

Gooseberried said...

Nice post!

The takers I'm most annoyed with recently are moochers. The kind that don't ask you to share something with them, but kind of wait for you to suggest it. I have a friend who, whenever she comes over to my place, waits for me to offer something i.e. food, wine, etc. Once I do offer, she does not stop nor knows when to stop. She just keeps taking. Same girl asks me, "Who's going to drive?" whenever she and I make plans to do something togher and then waits for me to say, "I don't know; I guess I could." Not once has she just offered to drive.

It's hard to deal with sometimes.

Mike said...

I had a give and take situation about a hour ago. I went to Ted Drews. I gave the gal at the window some money and took a big cone. It was a rewarding experience.

Amanda said...

I really liked this post. And I totally agree with gooseberried about the moochers. I didn't know they were called that but I have a few of those in my life that I could do without.

Sicilian said...

I fall into the giver category. . . . until you wear out your welcome. . . . but I give the benefit of the doubt for a long time.
Ciao

Bilbo said...

Very good post. And I'm also with gooseberried...I think we all know people like that. Moochers drive me crazy. I'm basically a generous fellow, but I really hate being taken advantage of.