The Struggle is Real

The violence in the USA is out of control and I am struggling with my own response to the events of the violent attacks that took place yesterday -- the school shooting in Colorado where two students were injured and the shooter took his own life, and the murder of political activist, Charlie Kirk.

One of the things that I am struggling with is that I don't think Mr. Kirk would expect us to do anything in response to the events but to carry on with our lives. He, himself, would have no empathy for the victims of violence, nor for their families, and would consider the victims, including himself, collateral damage and the price we pay to have our guns.
While these things seem ridiculous, I fear that he was not alone in his assessment of gun violence and many people feel the same way. Perhaps that is why we continue to have violent events -- Every. F***ing. Day.

Perhaps my greatest struggle is that I fear I am becoming someone that I don't want to be, someone that I despise. It is easy to say Mr. Kirk was a victim of his own making -- that he stoked the political fires and put on the target. It is easy to say that karma is a bitch and he reaped what was sown in his own statements.
But that is not who I want to be. 

I want to feel compassion for the students that were shot and for the students that go to school in fear. 
I want to express condolences to the kids that lost a father, to the woman that lost her husband, and also to the ones that loved the shooter that died.
I want to believe that there is never an acceptable time for political violence in a country where violence is becoming the only language that gets heard. 

Have I become numb to the daily violence because it happens so often?
...or is it because it just hasn't affected me?
Have I become a person that just doesn't care?
...that lacks empathy?
...that sees violence as a way of life in the US?
...that sees hatred as a part of who we (I) have become?

Our culture tends to believe that violence is the only effective response to anger (even righteous anger). We tend to react quickly and violently to things that anger us. We yell. We strike back. We aim to hurt or destroy.
Other cultures and traditions teach us to acknowledge our anger, to embrace it and understand why we are angry, and then to use it to direct us towards an acceptable solution. 

How are you dealing with your feelings today?
Are you struggling?
You are not alone.

John

Sleep, health, and random stuff

I seem to be getting back to my 6 hour per night sleep pattern. I'm sure if I went back to bed at my natural wake up time I could easily get another full 90 minute cycle, but I've been getting up and making coffee to get the day started. I will admit to taking a brief nap at some point in the late afternoon or evening. 
It works.

I feel fortunate to be a good sleeper when I know that many people have a difficult time sleeping well. I think that a good night's sleep is a vital part of good health. Admittedly, I haven't always thought that way. Typically, I go to bed between midnight and 1 am, and get up between 6 and 7 or whenever I've finished sleeping for the night. I tend to fall asleep quickly and also wake up easily. 
People have asked if I am more of a morning person or night person. I am usually just awake and have no real preference. 
I started getting a little bit of exercise recently(walking or exercise cycle), and have noticed that I sleep more soundly on days that I have exercised, even if the exercise is earlier in the day.

I had my annual physical yesterday and it turns out that I am pretty healthy for a fat guy. The Doc reminded me that there are no real health benefits from smoking cigars and drinking alcohol (even in moderation), and there can definitely be negative consequences.
I have cut back on both, but will probably continue to indulge in the occasional sip and smoke afternoons on the deck that seem to soothe my soul.  
He did not suggest cutting out my daily coffee, but did suggest being aware of my caffeine intake and how it can affect blood pressure, anxiety, sleep, and other aspects of health.

In a strange juxtaposition, retirement has found me being more attentive to my mental and spiritual well being and less concerned with my physical care. I think our Western culture is more the opposite way. I need to find a better balance.
It is interesting that we have doctors to care for our physical well being, but tend to shun the practices and practitioners of mental care that many other cultures embrace.

So, I'm curious...
Do you sleep well or struggle to get a good night's rest?
Do you have a nighttime ritual to help you sleep better?
How does diet impact your sleep quality?
Do you reduce your sleep time to make time for awake activities?
Do you consider good sleep to be a vital part of good health?
Are you willing to make changes to your awake time to allow for better sleep?

I am truly interested to hear what different perceptions people have about sleep.
My -- I'll sleep when I'm dead -- perspective has definitely changed even though I am still pretty much a short sleeper.

John

Books (and what can we learn from fictional reading?)

A few weekends ago I stumbled into one of the Friends of the Library book sales. I picked up a few old paperbacks and have been reading them. They were mostly from a genre that I enjoyed reading years ago -- Westerns!
Louis L'Amour, William Johnstone, and Ralph Compton are all writers that I've read in the past and all write in easy to read, descriptive narratives that I enjoy. So I have been reading westerns and am on my fifth book in just a couple of weeks. It is simple, yet entertaining reading -- kind of like eating popcorn at the movie theater. I picked up a few more paperbacks at a Farmer's Market stand this past weekend. I don't know if I'll just continue to burn through them or mix them in with some more serious reading. 

I have noticed something that is different about reading them today than there was in reading them in the past.
In the past I never really considered how violent we were. It should come as no real surprise that we are still a violence prone people. One would think we would have outgrown that way of life, but we seem to have gone from using violence to conquer other people to turning it inwards towards one another. We even have an a$$hole in the White House that wants to declare war on Chicago and use our own military to control our own citizens. 

Are we returning to a time when the most violent and brutal people rule?
Or is it just the rich and powerful people convincing the poorer people to fight against each other and then the powerful ones take all of the spoils?
F 'em! Let them fight their own battles. 

Typically in western fiction -- the good guys win and the bad guys die. Violence doesn't always work that way in real life. Maybe we just need to write better real life stories.

Just some simple Monday morning thoughts.
What are you reading?

John 

It's Another Beautiful Day in the Ozarks

It is another beautiful day in the Ozarks of SWMO.
I was up early (6:45ish) after spending another night sleeping on the deck futon. The neighbor's roosters and chickens were doing their morning thing and the sun was making it's daily appearance in the eastern sky. Wake up temperature was just below 60f (15c) and I slept quite well.

When I went inside to make my morning coffee it almost felt like the heat was on. In spite of the expected warm up this week, I think the nights will remain cool. Sleeping inside with the bedside window open is nice, but it is amazing how much of the night sounds are muted through an open window. I am surprised at how differently it feels to be out on the deck vs next to an open window.
There is such a calming effect from being outside vs inside. I don't know if the walls just block or dampen the energy or if there is some kind of different electrical field or what it is, but daytime or nighttime, I'd rather be sitting outside vs sitting inside.

I think the week ahead will be a typical week for a retired guy in the Ozarks. I have my annual physical this week and expect to hear that I need to lose weight (I do). 
The Springfield Cardinals will be wrapping up their season at home and I will probably be at two or three of their final six regular season games. 
I have more iris tubers to plant. My irises were getting so densely packed that I haven't had very many blossoms this year. I dug them up, thinned them out, and am replanting a bunch along the front of the fence. I am hoping they do well next spring. 
I should probably check my gladiolus for new corms to be spread out, as well. There is quite a bit of work to be done in late summer/early fall in flower gardening. I will also be spreading out my peonies and trying to find a way to contain the Rugosa rose bush that is taking over its space. I'm thinking I may have to cut it back, dig it up, and replant it in a confined area -- something like an in-ground potted plant with an open bottom but deep sides. The runners this beast sends out are pretty amazing.
I've also been re-potting some succulents and indoor plants. I really need a small green house. That may be a winter project. 

If you know me at all, you know I am a summer guy and I am not looking forward to the fall and winter seasons. Having said that, I am determined to enjoy each day for what it is. The dying of annual plants, the dormancy of perennials, and the regeneration on the other side of winter all have their places in the cycle of things. 

Honestly, my days are full of simple pleasures -- butterflies and humming birds feeding on the nectar of my flowers, bluebirds, wrens and finches enjoying the seeds, the sounds of a nearby great horned owl at night, the yipping of coyotes or the occasional deer that find their way through our field -- it's really a pretty good life.

Be present.
Enjoy the moment.
Have a wonderful week.

John



 

Thursday Thoughts

It's a little coffee shop kind of morning -- El Cafecito in Springfield.
(For non-Spanish speakers -- el cafecito translates to the little coffee shop!)
I only had enough coffee at home for a single cup, so a morning coffee shop run seemed to be in order.

With so much Christian nationalism and so many conflicting Christian messages and behaviors, it is of no wonder that there is so much distrust of Christianity and especially conservative, evangelical Christianity.
Even without the secular parts of Christian nationalism, the basics of evangelical Christianity offer enough conflicts to make a discerning person wonder -- WTF?

For example:
God loves you, but will condemn you to eternal torment if you don't do exactly as He says. (gender specific patriarchy intended) 
God's grace is a free gift but you have to do certain things to obtain it.
God's love is unconditional (certain conditions apply).
Jesus died for everyone, but only if you say he died for you.
God created you perfectly, but won't accept you if the church decides you don't fit into their expectations of holiness and acceptability.
Jesus turned water into wine, but drinking alcohol is a sin.
And on...
and on...
and on.

I'm sure that a comprehensive list would be much longer than anyone would care to read. It would definitely be much longer than I would care to research and write!

It has been a number of years since I set aside the whole religion scene.
I am still a believer in God and a follower of Jesus -- just without the structure of any kind of organized religion.
In fact -- the further I got from religion, the closer I got to God.
I accept (even embrace) the heretic label that may come my way from those that find my inclusiveness to be offensive. 

One of the most telling lines I've ever heard is -- There is no hate like Christian love.

Just thoughts rolling around in my head this morning.

John

No Wisdom on this Wednesday

It's a pretty slow start to this Wednesday morning and the day is warming up nicely. We may decide to turn the A/C back on.  Or maybe not. Mid 80s (29c) isn't too bad for a couple of hours. We have ceiling fans and an attic fan and generally get a nice breeze with the windows open in both the front and back of the house.

I should have jumped on the outdoor work earlier, but I'm not a big get it done early kind of guy. My mornings are slow and easy. I may find myself working at cleaning out the basement since it is generally cooler down there throughout the day. 

I was thinking that I need to offer a nugget of wisdom for my typical Wednesday Wisdom posting, but I don't really have any wise words or thoughts to share. My daily contemplation (inspired by my shamanistic readings) has me thinking about who I am and when it is appropriate to wear masks. 
Wearing masks isn't always hiding who we are or being deceptive to others. Sometimes it's just being the appropriate you for the moment.

It is perfectly natural to be a different person at work than you are when you are out with friends. It is okay to be different as a student than as a son, daughter, or even parent. While our character and morals may not change from one situation to another, altering our behavior depending on the situation doesn't mean we are fake or manipulative. A work Christmas party and a family holiday meal are very different types of celebrations and it is reasonable to expect different personas. 

An accurate answer to the question -- "Who am I?" might just be -- "It depends on the situation."

I have far fewer roles than I once had.
I am no longer an air traffic controller or employee.
I have left the world of evangelicalism and preaching. 
I no longer entertain groups with magic.
I still have familial roles as husband, dad, brother, son -- but husband is the only one that I really do on a day to day basis.
I guess I am mostly just a reclusive retired guy that likes flowers, and occasionally smokes cigars and sips a little bourbon or tequila.

Maybe the big deal with masks is if we use them to hide who we are. 
Am I a different person than I want people to think I am?

Are you the person people think you are?
Or have you deliberately fooled them with a mask that disguises the person you really are?

John

It is still summer -- just saying

How can it be September already?
While Labor Day Weekend is an unofficial end of summer and the beginning of football season kind of marks the start of fall -- neither of those things is actually true.
IT'S STILL SUMMER!

In fact, if we're going to use artificial markers for the end of summer/beginning of fall then I say when I've put my lawn mower away for the year marks the end of summer. That won't be until mid October. I'll keep the flannel shirts in the closet and the pumpkin spice on the pantry shelf for a little bit longer. You fall loving people can do whatever you want, but it is always summer in my heart.
For anyone that actually cares -- the astronomical end of summer is on September 22 at 1:19 PM CDT. 

And although it is still growing season in SWMO, I do need to prepare some of my flowers for the coming cold season. I'll be dividing my iris and peony plants and am looking for another place for some hydrangeas. I also need to get some more mulch down in the big flower bed. I'm still figuring out how to best cut back and contain the large Rugosa rose bush.
There is always an unending amount of work to do in the flower gardens. 
If anyone is looking for some hostas to get planted and rooted before winter, let me know. I need to thin mine out -- either now or in the early spring.

This first week of September will be a little cooler than normal, so I should be able to get lots of outdoor work accomplished.

Have a grand week!

John