June 30: Thoughts on Pride Month

I've spent nearly all of this year's Pride Month in Puerto Vallarta which is a pretty gay friendly community and very different from the conservative area of Southwest Missouri where I live. Life here is very different for the LGBTQ+ community, but there are some things that don't change for so many people.

Being true to one's self can be difficult and often comes with a steep price -- especially if you've been taught that your true self is wrong, misguided, or an abomination before God. Some people are left with the choice of being unhappy as someone they're not or losing everything and everyone they know and love in order to be themselves. 
A third choice (and one that is taken far too often) is to decide that life just isn't worth living.

Whether it's here in Puerto Vallarta or back home in Missouri there are many heartbreaking stories of people being rejected and disowned by family, friends, and churches. Adding to the burden of rejection in the US, many states are pushing laws that undo many protections that have been gained and even going so far as to actively make it more difficult for many to get healthcare, housing, and other basic needs. Much of the rhetoric and vitriol even inspires and encourages violence against the LGBTQ+ community.

I'll be honest -- as an older, straight, cis gendered, mostly white male I don't know where I'm going with this. I know there are injustices that are hurting my friends and many innocent people and I am at a loss trying to figure out what I can do about it. I am convinced that loving them and supporting them is no longer enough. 

Yeah, I know I can vote. I know I can speak up. I know I can write this meaningless blog. 
But do any of these things really make a difference?

Simply overcoming ignorance is one thing, but challenging tradition and religion seems to be too great of an obstacle. Having walked that evangelical path for so long, I know so many people that are using religion to hurt people. They may call it tough love, but love doesn't really have any part in it.
I have to have grace because I was there -- where they are.
I have to have hope -- that will see they are not being Christ-like in the way they are treating others (their neighbors).
And somehow, I have to have love -- for both the oppressed and for the oppressors.
Damn, that's tough.

Be full of grace.
Be full of love.
Be at peace.

John

Who am I?

What has happened to me?
I've been out pretty much every night this week with -- get this -- people!
And it hasn't been terrible. I'm not sure if I'd call it fun, but it has been enjoyable.

I will say that I am very happy that Aaron and Jenny have such a great community of friends. They are nice enough to invite us to hang out with them while the kids are away. We did karaoke at one bar on Tuesday night (my participation was to observe and encourage), trivia at a different bar last night (we won), trivia for older people tonight at a third bar, and we have a party invite to someone's house on Friday. I think I've spent more time with people this month than I'll probably spend in the entire second half of 2023!

We don't have plans (that I know of) for Saturday and I think I'll need a recharge day to prepare for the people in airports and airplanes on Sunday, our travel day home. Maybe I'll just hang out at the pool and get things ready for the trip home.

Home.
I'm going to miss the pool. I think I need one. It doesn't have to be big or fancy, just a place to enjoy on hot, summer days after a day of mowing or working in the flower beds and garden.
Speaking of mowing -- it's been a month and I'm sure that my neighbors will be happy to have me get everything cut next week. At least it will be hot and humid even if it is going to be a little cooler than this week at home. 
No worries. Summer heat is my jam. And after a month in the tropics I am well conditioned for the SWMO summer. One of Aaron and Jenny's friends said I'm as brown as shit (or maybe she said I'm full of shit, idk). I think that means I'm pretty dark. As a matter of fact, I changed the skin tone of my Facebook avatar to reflect that.

Have a great day.

John

Good Friday!

Tell me something good!
Please!

I've been scrolling through my social media feeds and reading the news, so I am in need of some good news. Part of my good news comes from simply making the choice to quit reading so much bullshit and moving on to something else.
Something else for me is going to be moving up to the pool and enjoying the pool and the sunshine before the day is too hot to enjoy. 

So, what do you have for me?
Something good you've done or are doing
Something good that has been done to you or for you
Something good that you've heard or read about

Let's share some good news!

John

Travel

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, and charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime." --Mark Twain

I like it here.
We've been to a few other Mexican destinations and they are all a little different from one another. Even though Puerto Vallarta is a tourist destination, this isn't the tourist season and so it feels more like being in Mexico as a place to live rather than a place to vacation. Plus this is where the kids live so we meet with their friends and do the things they do as a part of everyday life.

We've been to watch Aaron play softball (his team is in the playoffs) and met some of the people on Jenny's softball team, as well. While most of the people we have met are expats from either the US or Canada, we have also met some of the kids' Mexican friends. Last night we spent some time talking to a woman that plays softball with Jenny and is also Aaron's dentist. She moved to Puerto Vallarta from Mexico City. She prefers the pace of life here (in PV) over living in Mexico City, although she still has a practice there and does travel back and forth quite a bit.
It makes me curious about life in Mexico City, although I don't think I'm curious enough to want to check it out personally. I suppose it has more of the stress associated with living in a large city, but I wonder how it compares to living in large cities in the US. I'm also a little curious about life in other cities that are not big tourist areas -- How would a gringo do in those communities?

The rooftop pool opens in a few minutes and I think I'll head up there for a little morning exercise and sun. I hope that you have a grand day and expose yourself to some life from another culture somewhere along the way -- even if it's just trying a dinner cuisine that you haven't experienced before or listening to music from another country.

Adios, amigos!
John

Writing...revisited

It's been a little over a month since I wrote about writing a daily meditation/devotional kind of book. It's here if you need/want a memory refresh. So it's now a few days past my 63rd birthday and it occurred to me that I had given myself that amount of time to think about it.

Well...
I don't think that's really for me. 
Although I do tend to have daily quiet times, I don't always utilize a devotion or meditation process. I could -- and it would definitely be beneficial, but now it's starting to sound like work or a project with deadlines and due dates.
Ugh!

I'm not saying a definite NO at this point.
Can you shelve a book that hasn't been written?
I think I'm going to (for now) shelve the idea of writing this type of book. (Sorry, Mom) I'm still trying to figure out just who I am and often find myself struggling through daily meditation or devotional time -- too much so to try to offer guiding thoughts to others.

In fact, I've been thinking about identity lately and will probably share some thoughts on that in the coming days. For now I think I'll just get back in the pool and try not to think of anything other than enjoying another tropical day.

John

Thumb tapping from the beach

Sunday morning coffee on the beach and without my Chromebook has me tapping out my blog on my phone.

Yeah, I know. It's a first world problem and I'll deal with it. 

Life is easy here -- not because I'm retired, but because there is so much more community and much less competition. There is an easy attitude that lets everyone be themselves and the community seems to watch out for each other. There also appears to be much less government regulation over small, individual businesses ( I could be wrong about this ).

The US Americans that have made this their home seem to live with much less stress than they had back in the US. I'm not sure how long it takes to get used to the summer heat and lack of a/c in many places, but that's more of an issue for Chris than for me. 

Of course, we have very little stress as retirees on a decent pension so that part doesn't matter as much. But still, the easy attitude toward life is pretty darned attractive. No cold weather is a big attraction for me!

There is some kayaking and stand-up paddle boarding on the water this morning. I'm looking forward to getting my kayak out when we get back.  I have yet to try the stand-up board but think I would like that, too -- maybe more than the inflatable kayak.

I'm pretty certain I have another easy day ahead of me. I hope you do too!

John

Another Day in Mexico

It's another pretty chill day in the life of John.
I'm not yet to the halfway point of my four week stay in Puerto Vallarta and life is good. I've been walking everyday, getting a little pool time on most days, enjoying the tropics, and basically living the life of a retired guy in Mexico.

Yeah, I could live here.
I'm not sure the kids would want us this close all of the time, but I wouldn't have to live close to them or even in the same city. I always kind of thought Zihautanejo was where I would like to live. There is a nice community just above Playa la Ropa that is walking distance to town or the beach.
It's a little surprising that housing that we'd be looking for isn't much less expensive than it would be in the US. There are plenty of ways living here is much cheaper than back home, but housing with air conditioning and other amenities that we would want is pretty comparable. I suppose if you compare beach community housing it would change things, but I'm just thinking of what I pay now vs what I'd pay to live here. I'm not sure how to value what no winter is worth, but it is plenty for me.

On the other hand, I have a pretty good life and a very nice home back in SWMO. 
Although I'm not a big fan of the politics of the area, nor of the great divisiveness in the US, it isn't too difficult to remain relatively isolated on my little piece of peaceful property. I wouldn't say that I enjoy taking care of all of it, but I do get a feeling of satisfaction from a well cared for piece of land and it's good work. Sometimes it seems like a lot of work, but I also have a lot of time. I'll have a month's worth of work to catch up on when we get back. I will let you know how I feel about it when I've caught up.

For today...
I'll walk a bit, enjoy the sun, have a beer or two, maybe read, maybe nap, definitely enjoy life.

Adios!

John

23,010 days

Twenty three thousand and ten days.
That's how many times the earth has spun on its axis since my arrival sixty three years ago.
I'm not sure which number sounds older.

The thing that I am pretty sure of is that I have fewer days or years left on this planet and I should probably make the most of them. I suppose that making the most of them will mean many different things to different people -- making money, taking trips, having adventures and hobbies to pursue, drinking fine wines or expensive bourbons, driving nice cars, etc., etc.
I'm much less ambitious than that.

Making the most of my days is more about living in the moments that happen rather than making moments happen. It is difficult to express how much enjoyment I get from watching hummingbirds at the feeder or feeding from the flowers we've planted.
I'm a lousy gardener, but there is a peaceful kind of satisfaction in harvesting a handful of green beans for a dinner side or picking some cucumbers and tomatoes for a salad.

I do cherish the moments that I get to spend with good friends and there are certain people that seem to connect and lift my spirit more than others. But there is also a peace that I treasure in being alone. 
I doubt that my remaining days and years will yield much influence, inspiration, or wisdom upon the world around me. I don't think that is my calling or purpose. I doubt that I'll be spreading a ton of joy or buckets of happiness -- you have to enjoy being around people for that kind of stuff. 

For the most part, I think my 23,010 days have been well spent. I've met some great people and learned some good lessons. I hope to continue learning daily lessons and enjoying each moment as it presents itself.

John

For those that are interested: The Milky Way galaxy spins at around 270 kilometers per second or 168 miles per second and takes 200 million years to complete a single rotation. While I have journeyed around our sun 63 times (584 million miles per orbit), in the grand scope of things we have barely moved.

No Monday Motivation

It's Monday morning and I am sitting in a beautiful garden coffee shop in the Romantic Zone of Puerto Vallarta. In the week that I've been here, I have realized that life isn't much different for me. I'm just retired in a different place.

Sure -- there are different places to go and different foods to eat, but I basically just read, relax, scroll the internet, smoke cigars, etc. I do enjoy having a pool and will have to up my efforts to convince Chris of getting one at home, but basically life isn't too different. 
I feel a little bit bad that I am not really motivated to do a lot of touristy kind of adventures. I'm pretty content to stroll along the beach or sit next to the rooftop pool in relative peace and quiet. And by quiet, I mean the kind of quiet in my head that says all is well. There are certainly plenty of sounds to actually hear, but most of that is just background cacophony to the calm feeling of a good life.

I would still love to move to Mexico. I have since our first visit here many years ago. I would love to be free of the political noise of the US and the constant divisiveness of the society. I don't understand why everything has to be an us against them situation.
However, I am learning to be content with my place in life and the urge to move is actually less strong than it once was. That's not to say that I wouldn't move here in a heartbeat; it's just not as much of a desire as it once was. 

So not only am I feeling little motivation on this Monday. I'm also feeling like I don't really need or want any motivation. I am content to enjoy the moment, the day, the present.

John

Words of Wisdom

I'm not offering any today. I'm seeking them.
What have you got for me?
I'm talking about real gems; not the smart-ass kind that I might offer. If you were to boil all of life's experiences and lessons into one pearl of wisdom -- what would it be?

I was asked this question recently. My answer was -- Be kind.
It seems like a no brainer, but very few people seem to understand its importance and effectiveness. It's a lesson I should have learned much earlier in life since I grew up in a household that had the kindest person I know. I just never paid enough attention to the great benefits of kindness and the impact that it has on the giver, the recipient, and even on those that observe or hear about it later. 

I'll admit -- sometimes people make being kind difficult for me. Sometimes the best I can do is walk away and not be an ugly person back. I don't think that's truly an act of kindness, but it often feels like it is.

Anyway --
Help me out here. I'm still working on being a better person and learning about wisdom, love, living in community (ugh), and contributing something worthwhile to society.
What is the gem that you would share?

Meditate on that for a time and let me know.

John

Fire on the Mountain

At least that's what this cloudy morning sunrise looks like in Puerto Vallarta today.

The rooftop is closed between 11pm and 9am, so I stepped over the chain and grabbed a quick photo this morning. I don't know how strict they are about violating their rules here, so I just grabbed my sunrise pic and left. 

I didn't get much reading done yesterday. I did manage to buy some cigars and enjoy one while sitting in the rooftop smoking area. Maybe I'll get more reading in today.
Maybe not.

No big plans for the day; maybe a walk across the river and along the beach there. I should probably check out the shops in that area. I took a late night walk (about 9:30) last night and grabbed three al pastor tacos for 60 pesos (about $3.50 US). They were delicious. The street vendors have some really good food at incredibly low prices. Sitting on a plastic chair on the sidewalk or street with a plate of food in your lap isn't a great dining experience, but this particular vendor is only a few blocks from the apartment, so I just got it to go and ate here. 
I may be a regular there over the next few weeks!

I'm still managing to get into conversations with strangers. One couple was sitting next to me at a local brewery bar. At one point during the conversation the guy mentioned that his wife says he's often unapproachable -- like our conversation meant she's wrong. Then I reminded him that he was the one that started the conversation, so...
I've had conversations with that couple from Texas, a couple that owns a brewery in New Orleans, a guy from Tennessee, and a guy from Springfield IL. Plus an expat that now lives here (I guess that's a little redundant, isn't it?).
They've mostly been good, pleasant conversations, but they do leave me wondering -- WTF? Why are these people talking to me?

sigh

I guess I'll see what today holds for me.

John

Buenos Días!

Good morning from B of Bros Coffee!
I decided to take an early morning walk for coffee today. I saw this little urban garden coffee shop while walking Monday night and thought to try it out this morning. It's right around the corner from the bakery with the tasty pastries, but I'm going to skip those this morning. 
Coffee and keyboard will suffice.

Yesterday was another easy day in paradise. I spent some morning time in the rooftop pool getting a little exercise. It was nice because nobody else was up there. I'll probably do the same today. As a matter of fact, I'll probably try to find a decent cigar and spend most of today up there -- you know, healthy exercise, not so healthy cigar. It's about balance, right?
I haven't really done as much reading as I was hoping to do. So I plan on getting caught up a bit today. I'm pretty sure I'll have a large glass of tequila, lime, and sparkling water to stay cool while enjoying the view and book.

I don't think that you could really call it eaves dropping as I can only pick up a few words, but I am enjoying the interaction between a couple of young customers and their friends that are working. If there is a constant between languages and cultures it is laughter. My Spanish vocabulary is so limited that I really only recognize a few verb conjugations and an occasional word or two. I have a difficult time shifting from listening to the rhythm of English to the rhythm of Spanish -- plus I still have to hear, understand what I'm hearing, and translate in my head. I need to find some Spanish speakers at home to help with hearing and understanding in Spanish without the translating to English step.
I also need to be better about listening to my recorded Spanish lessons. 

Honestly, there isn't a great need for knowing Spanish here. Because it is a resort/tourist town most of the shops speak or understand English well enough. For me it is a matter of courtesy to learn a little of the language and make an effort to adapt to their culture and country. 
Plus learning something new is always a good challenge.

Today I am contemplating my contentment with life.
I appreciate that I can be content and wonder about the downside to contentment.
Is there one?
Should I be more purposeful about daily productivity?
Does contentment allow me to share my journey in a way that is beneficial to others?
What have I learned on this journey that allows me to be content while others continue to strive for more?
Just thoughts that are in my head this morning.

Hasta mañana, amigos!
John

Sunrise was a bust

Sorry. No sunrise pic this morning.
I was awake early enough and hoped for a rooftop pic as the sun rose over the mountains behind me, but it is the beginning of the rainy season in the tropics and the early morning sky to the east was a solid overcast. 
On the bright side (well, on the shady side) maybe that will keep it a little cooler during the day. 
I ran into the same overcast problem when looking for a beach sunset pic last night.

My walk last night took me past Eulo's Bakery (that might have been intentional), so this morning I am enjoying a couple of pastries with my coffee. One of the very noticeable things about Mexican pastries and desserts is that they are far less sweet than what we are used to in the US. 
I like the less sweet treats so much better.

I am usually not much of an early morning breakfast kind of guy, and I seldom have sweet breakfast foods like pancakes, waffles, or pastries. It was a nice exception this morning, but I doubt that it will become a regular habit. I typically wait until noon or so before I start eating.

I can see that the sun is shining through the clouds now and pretty soon I'll head upstairs for a morning swim and a little exercise to start the day. I've been trying to talk Chris into getting a pool for home. I'm pretty sure I would make good use of one. 

I hope to get in a couple of walks around town and down to the beach. I managed to get my steps in yesterday, in spite of taking it pretty easy. Maybe I'll do the same today.
I found myself in a long conversation with a guy visiting from Tennessee while I had a late lunch at Monzon Brewery yesterday. His wife was getting a massage and he was passing the time at a local brewery. Sounds a little familiar (except for the part about talking to strangers).
Then a young guy came over to chat for a bit while I was relaxing by the pool. Both were decent conversations but left me kind of wondering -- Do people need to express themselves to other people so much that they talk to complete strangers? Or do I just look like a lonely old guy in need of some company? It just seems a little weird.

As one of my older, more experienced cousins once shared with me -- There are no days off in retirement. 
So I am off to enjoy another day of retirement -- poolside, beachside, or wherever I find myself today --
I am thankful for this very privileged life I have.

Adios, amigos!
John

Connections -- past and present

I'm scrolling through FB memories and it's the time of year when a lot of posts from past kids' and youth camps are showing up. They are good memories from a past life. I know that I no longer fit into that world of evangelicalism. It's a little sad that there isn't a similar environment for kids in my present theological setting, but the truth is I wonder how long it would last without some kind of corruption and mind control/indoctrination seeping in.

I was always careful in such settings. There was never an "altar call" where kids would come forward to "be saved." I always wanted those conversations to be one-on-one with a cabin counselor or with me. I'm pretty sure that if I wanted to make a show of it, I could have had most of them up on the stage or down on their knees saying the magic prayer to get them into heaven. Personally, I never want to have to answer to God for that kind of child manipulation.

I've long been more of a relationship with God kind of end game rather than a ticket to heaven when you die kind of guy, and I don't think that sits very well in the evangelical world. I'm still very much a Jesus follower and look to him for my connection to God/Creator/Higher Power/or whatever your name for God is. I'm kind of sad that I don't have any of those old connections anymore. We shared some fun times and served well together for that season of life.

     * * * * *

Today I deal with a different kind of uncomfortable connection.
I was invited to be a part of a kind of input group for the renewing of our church's downtown group at 425 Walnut. There's been this chat on messenger today and I'm once again wondering how I fit in this group of energetic and creative young minds. Maybe I'm just the token open-minded old guy. 

I get that I have a way of making people feel comfortable and (maybe) even safe around me. It isn't unusual for people that I don't know well to share very personal things with me. Most people mistake my easy nature for being very comfortable around large groups of people -- I'm not.

I've learned to cope by keeping my focus on a few individuals rather than the large group. In fact, being able to move from one person to another in small conversation isn't so bad. It is often easier than just having one person that you run out of things to talk about. I'm not much of a small talk person.
That's not to say that I can't or don't have long, meaningful conversations with people; just not usually in those kind of group settings.

Assessing the value of connections, both past and present, can be an interesting process. I tend to go with my gut. Letting go of past relationships can be difficult. Often, even toxic relationships offered us something of value. 
And relationships shouldn't just be about what we gain from them. I think the best relationships are formed by what we contribute rather than by what we take. 
Okay, the best relationships are probably in what we share with one another, but you get what I mean, right?

I should probably work on having more of those.
Maybe I'll reach out and make a connection with a couple of people today -- one past, one present.
Maybe not.

John

Pride

It's June
and it's Pride Month.
Over the past several years I've become much more acquainted with, an ally to, and even a friend to many people in the LBGTQ+ community around Springfield. Even just five years ago, I knew few people that were a part of that group. Today I have nearly as many queer friends as straight ones and I refer to them as -- get this -- my friends; not my gay friends, not my lesbian friends, not my trans friends -- just my friends.

The thing about Pride Month is to bring an awareness to everyone of the injustices that are faced by the community. Contrary to what you've been told -- there is no agenda, no one is trying to indoctrinate your straight kids, and nobody is trying to get preferential treatment of any kind. Everybody just wants to have the same rights, privileges, and choices that the majority of people already have.

There was this dude that lived a couple of thousand years ago that taught us to treat others the way we'd like to be treated. He taught a lot of good stuff and I've found his teachings to be a good foundation for life. While this one seems pretty simple and straight forward, so many of his followers have a very difficult time with it when it comes to how they treat the LGBTQ+ community.

It's no longer just suppression or unfair treatment. Today's militant right is about actively harming people in the queer community. They are passing laws that make it legal to withhold healthcare. They are encouraging rage and violence against the community. Politicians in the state of Florida are even issuing warnings -- Don't come here. You are not welcome.
If you are supporting these kinds of actions, you need to re-evaluate your humanity.
If you are silent about these kinds of actions, then you are complicit.
My friends are in danger because of self-righteous religious bigots and their ignorant, hateful behavior.

Be aware
Be kind
Be an ally

John