Untitled

I normally write a title first and then the post. Sometimes I go back and change the title when I've finished writing. Today I have no idea where this is going to go, but ...
...here goes--

I recently watched the film Jesus Revolution with some friends from our church small group. 
It is a good movie and tells a good story. I wonder how triggering it might be for some that have suffered at the hands of evangelical churches in their past.
Trying to get a read on my own feelings is interesting. 

I remember...
I was just a kid for the Jesus movement. It brought guitars and drums to the Catholic church in the sixties. Yes, the charismatic movement that rocked the more evangelical world even reached into the Catholic world. Though the Mass stayed pretty much the same (it had just changed due to Vatican II), the music changed and younger people felt more drawn to church and to Jesus. We still had the typical High Mass with the organ music and hymns, but now we had "guitar Mass" for the more revolutionary minded. We had young, guitar playing nuns leading the music at our church!

As an adult, I moved to the evangelical church. I even became an evangelist and traveled to other churches to preach for revivals, crusades, or to fill in for vacationing pastors. I pastored camps for kids, youth, and even led a couple of college student retreats. 
There was certainly a kind of thrill watching people come to recognize Jesus as Lord. Because I wasn't a pastor, I only baptized a few people. That was pretty cool, too.

Watching the movie was a bit nostalgic. I remember (fondly) the feeling of oneness and belonging during the corporate music worship. I remember the joy of witnessing and being a part of a new believer coming to profess faith in Jesus. I'm a little sad that those things are no longer a part of my life, but I can't see that they really have a place in where I am today. 

Even within the Jesus Revolution there was the corruption of the holy part, the Godly part. There were power struggles, attention getting, control issues, etc. It's difficult to get away from the characteristics of humans when humans are in charge. Although The Venues Church is unlike any other church I've known or been connected to, in many ways it is still church. 

And that is now an uncomfortable and a little unwelcoming feeling for me.
I imagine there are many others that feel the same way.

For those that are looking for a church, it is a great place! If you want a place that is open to your questions, is welcoming to everyone without regard to your past, your sexual orientation or identity, or anything else, if you just want a church where you can belong -- yeah, it is great.
I'm just not sure that I'm that interested in belonging to a church anymore. It's kind of weird. I'd say it's kind of lonely, but that really isn't the right word for it. Yeah, I feel alone, but I am okay with that.

The part of the past that still has a hold of me is that I would still really like for people to know the joy and experience the peace of knowing and following Jesus -- not in an end-of-life/heaven or hell sort of way, but in a useful, productive, joyful, daily living kind of way. I'm not sure I know how to convey that without a church kind of backdrop. 

My conundrum is that while I am at peace with my relationship with God and am perfectly content to enjoy my (self imposed) isolation from others, I still feel compelled to share a better way for those that seem to be struggling with life and are searching for some kind of meaning or purpose.

I think I'll leave this post untitled.
If you had the assignment of giving it a title, what would it be?
I'm curious.

John