Traumatized by Churches

I attended a group meeting at a local (Springfield) church tonight. I think there were people from a few different churches in attendance. It is a group looking at deconstructing/reconstructing their faith. Tonight's session focused on church trauma.

Interestingly enough, church trauma isn't really a term that's recognized as a thing when it comes to psychology or dealing with the past control/abuse/toxic environments of church life. We were given ten different indicators of Negative Religious Experiences (NRE) and asked how many, if any, we have experienced.

Sacrebleu!
Between growing up in the conservative Catholic church and serving as a Southern Baptist evangelist, I have managed to hit on all ten of them. The thing that is most concerning to me is wondering how many of the ten experiences I was responsible for inflicting on someone else.
I always tried to be careful with kids and youth groups, but with several hundred kids per year and twenty years of camps, events, Sunday school classes and revivals, ...geez, I certainly taught and said some things that I would no longer teach today.
I even worry that I have been responsible for some of the church trauma my kids have experienced.

I get people that are done with churches and church people. I'm not quite there, but I'm definitely closer to leaving the church thing behind than I am to being deeply involved in it again. The upcoming class I'll be leading is going to be a challenge. 
Because of people and groups that I follow on social media, every day I read about people that have been treated quite horribly by others that claim to be speaking for and acting on behalf of God. 
BULLSHIT!
God would never treat people with such malice and hatred. 

You might remember that a while back I said, "The farther I got from religion, the closer I got to God."
I am much more careful about how I associate with both churches and religion. I am much more comfortable ministering to people as John (without a church connection) and dealing with God on my own and without somebody else telling me how to act or what to say. 

I know that many people that go through some type of faith crisis and deconstruction end up walking away from God. I don't think I'll ever get to that point. I think I recognize the bullshit enough to know that most of the controlling crap that so many religions teach is not representative of God. It looks a lot like toxic patriarchy most of the time. 
If you have been a victim of church abuse/trauma, I really hope that you don't give up on God. Hit me up if you need to vent or want some encouragement.

John