It's Baseball Season

Today is Opening Day!

I feel like I should probably be more excited about it being the first day of the 2023 MLB season. I am kind of looking forward to the season, but overall professional sports don't hold my attention the way they once did. For one thing - the players are paid so much and the games have gotten to be so expensive to attend that I find that part of the industry a little repulsive. 

One of the things that I do enjoy about baseball is that it is an ideal sport for radio. It is easy to follow along and visualize the game from the commentary of a good radio broadcaster. I can enjoy a game while working in the yard, driving in the car, or sitting on the deck enjoying a good cigar. I've even managed to walk or ride a bicycle while listening to a game or two.

The Cardinals AA team is located here, in Springfield MO and is hosting an Opening Day watch party at their stadium -- for FREE! 
Yes you can watch today's Cardinal game on the biggest screen in Southwest Missouri while sitting at Hammond Field. I read that there will be limited concessions available, as well. I am considering going.

While I do think the stadium atmosphere of a baseball game is something to be enjoyed, I don't know if it's something that I will do today. I mean it isn't really being at a game - more like watching a game on TV with a bunch of people that you don't know.
I haven't even decided if I want to buy a Red Access Pass for the local team's season yet. It's a kind of general admission season ticket with some added bonuses. It would more than pay for itself if I go to just a dozen games throughout the season. Maybe...

In any case...
PLAY BALL!

John

Storytime with John

Tonight's the night that the small group study Reading the Bible as a Storybook begins.
I have to admit that I am entering it with some mixed feelings and mixed expectations.

Part of the mixed expectations comes from the fact that I haven't really planned out the entire 10 weeks of classes and materials. I did that purposefully so that the group could have some input into how the study actually goes. I have tonight's introduction meeting setup to be just that -- an introduction to me and to what I am expecting, as well as a time for each person to briefly introduce themselves and what they are expecting or hoping to get out of our time together. 

I have week two planned out with an Old Testament story (really more of a story behind the story) and week three is a bit of a blend of an Old Testament/New Testament kind of story -- sort of a linking of the two.
Beyond that I'd like to take on some of the favorite stories of the group or perhaps (big maybe as I'm not too keen on giving away that kind of group control) allow others to share their favorites in their own ways. Whether I continue to choose stories to share on my own or examine bible stories of their choosing, there is more than enough material to cover the 10 week session. 

I plan on keeping good notes just in case the class goes well enough that it is run again with a different group or calls for another session to continue what is started in this one. I don't know if that is a fear or a hope when it comes to expectations. I'm just considering the possibilities.

It's weird how something that was once very familiar and comfortable has become something that holds a little anxiety and doubt. It has been a while and The Venues ain't your daddy's church!

John

Workday

It was a nice weekend here in the Ozarks.
I managed to take down and put away the plastic panels that I had installed on the deck and rearranged the furniture back to the spring/summer configuration. Last night, my knees were feeling the effects of the dozen+ trips up and down the deck stairs to store the panels in the basement. They are feeling a little better this morning. I could probably benefit from a trip to a local dispensary. 

Winter hasn't completely given up just yet. The temperature at wake-up this morning was just below freezing here in the Ozarks and it looks like the potential for another dip to the freezing line exists for tomorrow night. Other than that, it's time to work on the limited garden for this year.
I'm really behind where I should be in garden prep, but I'm not going to stress over it. It's a long growing season and harvesting some veggies or enjoying the flowers a week or two later than everyone else isn't the end of the world. 

I'm going to need to start building the habit of getting started earlier in the morning. Although I wake up rather easily, I don't really start doing much until midday. I probably over-indulge in my morning quiet time and coffee and let too much of the day slip away from being productive.
Maybe a little switch around from morning quiet time to afternoon or evening quiet time would help. I could have a short coffee/wake-up time in the morning, get busy with a little exercise or work in the yard/garden before the day gets too warm, and then relax with a cold drink and a good cigar later in the day.

I know, I know! 
I already do the cold drink and cigar later in the day! I'm just trying to convince myself to be more productive early in the day, so work with me and allow me my fantasy of getting started earlier in the day.

Okay!
Here I go!
Time to get busy.

...as soon as I finish this last cup (my 3rd) of Italian roast coffee from The Hill in St. Louis.

John

It's almost time...

I'm sitting on the deck in shorts and a long sleeved beach shirt this morning. Last night's overnight temperature remained at around 67f (19c) and we slept with the windows opened. I know that is still a rarity and most nights in the coming month will be in the 40s with some nights dipping into the 30s. 
Daytime highs will mostly be in the 50s (10c) and 60s (15c).

That means it's about time to take down the panels that enclose the deck and begin enjoying the view once again. 
Yay!

I'll need to do some rearranging of the deck furniture again to keep the futon from getting wet during the spring showers and summer rains. Chris would like the deck TV mounted on the south side (screen side) of the deck and that is going to take a little wiring and weather-proofing. I'm not sure when that will happen. It's a good plan. I just need to figure it out. 
And - if we're going to do that, I might want a slightly larger screen.
For today - I'm happy to be having my morning coffee out here and listening to the early spring activity of the birds. 

Different subject, but still spring/summer related --
I'm thinking about getting the Springfield Cardinal's Red Access pass. It's basically a GA ticket for every home game plus one or two ticketed seats per month. Just 10 games would make it a good deal. I haven't been to many games over the past few years, but I'm thinking if I've already paid for the games I might attend more frequently. 
Since I pretty much go to watch the game and I'm not a great conversationalist, I am good with going alone. I generally ride the motorcycle downtown and park on the street (for free) and then walk a few blocks to the ballpark. There is a bar that isn't far from the stadium and they don't care if I leave my bike in their lot during the game. I've usually stopped in for a sandwich and beer before the game, ask if I can leave my bike, and then pick it up afterwards. It fits nicely into a little wedge in the lot where a car can't fit so it really doesn't take up any space for them.
I have locks for my gear and for the bike so I don't really worry about it being secure. It's a couple of weeks before the local season starts so I have a few days to decide. Although a baseball game is a great way to spend a summer evening, sometimes it is difficult to pry myself off of the deck and out into public venues. Retirement offers so many option.
We'll see.

John

Foggy Morning Politics

I'm wondering if the heavy fog this morning has anything to do with the warmer weather and all of the freekin' snowflakes melting over the potential indictment of Trump. 
It's hard to believe that the same group of "lock her up," multiple Benghazzi committees, hours of grilling testimony, law and order party people are now worried about political power abuse over an actual repeat offender of civil and criminal rights.

Shut the f#ck up already!

Realistically, I'm not holding my breath or expecting too much of our corrupt system of justice. I do expect to truly see where our political officials really stand on justice in the way of loyalty to party over loyalty to the law. 
And we all pretty much know where that's heading. 

The indictment doesn't really mean anything, only that there is enough evidence of wrongdoing to warrant a trial. I think that finding an impartial jury will be a problem. Far too many have made up their minds about guilt or innocence before hearing any of the actual evidence. With an actual confession and conviction of the former attorney of Trump, I think the evidence is pretty damning. How that plays out for Trump is yet to be seen. 

I haven't ever been one to watch trials as they play out on television and would be just fine if this one had cameras and live feeds banned from the actual proceedings. However, if it is broadcast, I may pay closer attention to the evidence presented this time around.
Then again, I might not.
I may need an extended beach vacation until it's all over.

The biggest thing for anybody will be to tune out the screaming voices that are just shouting biased versions of bullshit and listen to the facts and evidence that are presented. It's going to be a long spring/summer. It might be time to invest in popcorn and other TV watching snacks.

John

Weekend Getaway

We took a couple of days and hit St. Louis with some friends. They had tickets for Sunday night's Blues game and invited us to join them. Although we drove up Sunday and drove back on Monday, it seemed like longer than an overnight trip.

We enjoyed visiting on the ride to and from (Chris drove), saw the hockey game Sunday night, played a few games of pool in the hotel lobby/bar area, toured the upgraded museum at the Arch, had lunch on The Hill and picked up a few things at the Italian market. I even picked up some Italian beer. All-in-all, it was a good weekend!

Now we are back home and it is spring!
We'll have a cool, rainy day today followed by warmer overcast days until the weekend. I hope to be able to get some yardwork and pre-garden planting stuff done. I'm not certain how much I really want to do in the way of vegetable gardening this year. I do know that I always enjoy the birds, bees, and butterflies that the flower gardens attract. I am planning on more flowers this year -- but not today!

John

Magic again?

I am feeling pretty good today -- feeling human again.
After the weird sleep week and zero sleep day, I got a good night's sleep last night and will be taking it easy today. This weekend's UFC fights are in London so the prelims are on already and the main card is relatively early tonight.

I have recently started looking at some of my old instructional magic DVDs and following some magicians on social media. I'm interested in relearning some stuff and adding new things, but not super motivated to put in the necessary practice without a venue for performing. One of the things that I've really noticed is the difference that aging makes. Hands and fingertips don't have the natural moisture that they once had and lotions don't really help a lot -- more than the natural level of moisture early and it doesn't last very long. 
The drier hands make handling cards and coins much more difficult. Add a little arthritis into it and I have to make some adaptations to many techniques or find an alternate method. I may have to find something that uses less dexterity of the fingers, maybe some rope, rings, or mentalism stuff. 
Or maybe not.
Whether I pick it up again or not, I am enjoying the time watching magic again. It seems like it was a long ago, previous life when I enjoyed practicing and performing magic. My gut tells me that the renewed interest in magic will be short-lived, but we will have to see.

John

Out of Rhythm

It's been a weird week.
Due to the typical warmer weather patterns for March, I am off the schedule at the overnight shelter. Also due to the weather patterns of March, I am available to work if there are more than three freezing nights in a week. This week there are six and we have plans for the weekend.
I worked Sunday night, Tuesday night, and I'll work tonight - Thursday night. That kind of messes with a guy's sleep patterns. 

The first two overnights this week have been weird. I don't know if it's because we're at the end of the season and everyone is tired of winter (and each other) or if it's something else, but the level of agitation and irritation was definitely up. I am hoping that I can bring a more calming presence tonight. My usual calming presence has been missing the past few nights.

With the unusual work schedule, everything else has been out of sync, as well. It was around 11 o'clock last night when I realized that I hadn't read on my Kindle app for the day. I managed to get a chapter read and move my consecutive day reading streak to 570. Maybe I should have just let it go. It's weird, but I feel like I am a bit of a prisoner to the streak. Know what I mean?
My internet time has also been off and I've missed checking on the blogs I typically follow. I've tried to keep up on the news, but that's also been off.

Meals are off, too. Yesterday I had some leftover sausage gravy and bread (no leftover biscuits) and three bowls of cereal. Tonight I will probably pick up a couple of sandwiches on the way to the shelter. I don't know what I'll eat during the day, maybe my old standby of peanutbutter and jelly.
Working at the shelter does give me plenty of steps on my step counter. I've been trying to get a little additional exercise as well, but it's weird when you're out of the normal daily routine.

Spring arrives on the calendar next week. Hopefully, spring weather will arrive with it.
I am ready!

John

Spring Cleaning

My Google account says that my google storage is getting full and I should buy more space.
I think I can find plenty of space by just cleaning things up a bit.
My google pic file has tons of digital pics of cigars, food, screenshots of memes and other people's crap, and plenty of other useless stuff that can be deleted.
My email account has accumulated over 40,000 emails (mostly bullshit ads that I've never looked at, nor even opened).
My google drive has a bunch of stored files from camps and messages of the past, some old work (remember work) files, and other no longer needed digital garbage. 

It would probably be easier to just create a new online presence than to clean up all of the past.
At least I'm not having to scrub my past because I'm running for office or in a high profile job of some sort.

Does anyone actually delete all of their email daily?
Or is everyone more like me and it just accumulates for years on end?

Just wondering.

John

How can a loving God ... ?

How often have you heard -- or even asked -- a question that challenges a life situation that begins with those words?

How can a loving God allow suffering?
How can a loving God let children starve?
How can a loving God allow injustice?
How can a loving God condemn people to eternal hell?
How can a loving God ... ?

Lately, I've been asking myself similar questions.
How can people that claim to follow a loving God hate so many people?
How can people that claim to follow a loving God cause so much injustice?
How can people that claim to follow a loving God support causes or policies that oppress others?
How can people that claim to follow a loving God be so fearful of everyone that is different from them?
How can people that claim to follow a loving God be such assholes all of the time?

If you follow the news around religious circles, there seems to be a lot of high profile religious leaders with some pretty low profile moral character. Maybe it has to do with the axiom - power corrupts and absolute power corrupts, absolutely.
 
Are there good religious leaders?
I'm sure there are. I'm also reasonably sure you'll never hear about them because they tend to take on more of a humble servant role than an elevate-myself-to-an-idol/I'm-the-leader kind of role like most pastors seem to do. It's no wonder that so many people are leaving churches these days.

I get the whole religious deconstruction thing. I never really cared for the term - deconstruction, but I'm beginning to see how it fits. Sometimes it is very necessary to take apart what you have believed in order to find out what the foundations of that belief really look like. The thing that concerns me the most about the whole deconstruction movement is that many people seem to walk away from more than church and religion, they tend to also walk away from God.
I have to admit - I'm a little torn between allowing them to walk that path on their own and wanting to guide them back towards the path that I am walking. I am learning that my path is my path. Others are welcome to join me and walk with me for part of the journey, but in the end, we each find our path and connection to God.
Yeah, I know - that's heresy to my old way of thinking. My connection to God is still the person of Jesus. I still believe that Jesus was and is divinely God in human form. If you want me to tell you how to connect to God, I'm probably going to take you on a journey that goes through Jesus, the Christ. It's the way I know -- at least it's the path I'm on. I am a Christian - a Christ follower. 
I am a much different Christian from what I used to be. I no longer feel that I need to defend God, support God, or help God. A god that needs me for those things is no God.

The Bible says that God created humanity in the image of God.
Maybe it's also true that we each create and worship a god of our own imagination; one that we've created to be like us.

John

Friday Morning Coffee

This Friday morning finds me having coffee and quiet time at a Starbucks in Springfield. I have a morning meet with my friend and local civil rights activist, Pastor Christie Love of The Connecting Grounds (TCG). It's the normal way of things that advocates of civil rights draw fire from those that make it their business to oppress others or stand in the way of equality for all citizens of a community. 
My hope for our meeting this morning is to offer a place of rest and respite as well as a safe place to vent.

Pastor Christie is the one that opened my eyes to the often invisible community of our city's unsheltered. Three years ago I showed up at TCG to serve coffee at a warming center where people were waiting to catch a bus to an overnight crisis cold weather shelter. The third night (in a row) that I showed up she just smiled and said, "I've got you, don't I?"
Truthfully, I've done very little over the past few years while she and others have done so much and fight daily for the rights and betterment of those that are without shelter and so many other basic necessities of life.
Honestly, it's a little embarrassing that I do so little to help others that I know are in need. It's no wonder that the unsheltered community remains invisible to most of us. In part, they want to be unseen because to be seen usually means to be harassed and ridiculed. But a big part of their invisibility is that we don't want to see them. Knowing that someone needs help and then not helping them is a burden that we'd rather not carry. And helping them doesn't always fit into our neat and orderly little world.

I could probably vent for a long time on the state and local governments that are making daily survival even more difficult for our unsheltered friends. For my own mental health I'll pass for right now and maybe address it when I'm better able to process that.

Also for my own health and overall wellbeing, I am going to have to find another volunteer outlet as the shelter season comes to a close. There is no shortage of need. It will just be finding an area that works best for my limited abilities.

John

Traumatized by Churches

I attended a group meeting at a local (Springfield) church tonight. I think there were people from a few different churches in attendance. It is a group looking at deconstructing/reconstructing their faith. Tonight's session focused on church trauma.

Interestingly enough, church trauma isn't really a term that's recognized as a thing when it comes to psychology or dealing with the past control/abuse/toxic environments of church life. We were given ten different indicators of Negative Religious Experiences (NRE) and asked how many, if any, we have experienced.

Sacrebleu!
Between growing up in the conservative Catholic church and serving as a Southern Baptist evangelist, I have managed to hit on all ten of them. The thing that is most concerning to me is wondering how many of the ten experiences I was responsible for inflicting on someone else.
I always tried to be careful with kids and youth groups, but with several hundred kids per year and twenty years of camps, events, Sunday school classes and revivals, ...geez, I certainly taught and said some things that I would no longer teach today.
I even worry that I have been responsible for some of the church trauma my kids have experienced.

I get people that are done with churches and church people. I'm not quite there, but I'm definitely closer to leaving the church thing behind than I am to being deeply involved in it again. The upcoming class I'll be leading is going to be a challenge. 
Because of people and groups that I follow on social media, every day I read about people that have been treated quite horribly by others that claim to be speaking for and acting on behalf of God. 
BULLSHIT!
God would never treat people with such malice and hatred. 

You might remember that a while back I said, "The farther I got from religion, the closer I got to God."
I am much more careful about how I associate with both churches and religion. I am much more comfortable ministering to people as John (without a church connection) and dealing with God on my own and without somebody else telling me how to act or what to say. 

I know that many people that go through some type of faith crisis and deconstruction end up walking away from God. I don't think I'll ever get to that point. I think I recognize the bullshit enough to know that most of the controlling crap that so many religions teach is not representative of God. It looks a lot like toxic patriarchy most of the time. 
If you have been a victim of church abuse/trauma, I really hope that you don't give up on God. Hit me up if you need to vent or want some encouragement.

John