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Back in the lifetime when I was a federal employee there were always publications and notices that would come out with blank pages except for the statement across the bottom of the page that said that the page was intentionally left blank.

It never made much sense to me, but there were a lot of things about working for the government that didn't make sense to me.
...And still don't.

But this post isn't about the nonsense of being a federal employee. It's about that blank page.
Maybe the page was left blank as an emphatic way to demonstrate that there is nothing more to say on that particular subject.
Or maybe there is nothing more that can be said nor should be said about it.

This is what came to mind this morning as I was thinking about the government shutdown.
What can be said when the controlling party resorts to using lies and misinformation to blame the other party for the shutdown?
One might point out the lies, but they are so bold and blatant that the supporters don't even care that their elected officials are lying. 
One might point out that the truth of what they are doing will cause much harm to millions of people, but if it is not harming them directly then they don't really care about that either -- especially since that harm comes in the future and there is a present issue to deal with as the government is actually shutting down.
One could strive to educate the willfully ignorant, but that is a colossal waste of time and effort.

At best one can express their frustration with the people that fail to see the harm that is being done to people that are in need of help. 
It's as if the administration's plan is to keep lying until we just give up and accept the lies as truth -- like their followers already have. 

How do you deal with the frustration of knowing that speaking the truth is less influential than using lies to appeal to people's misguided biases?
Typically my way has been to refrain from saying (or writing) anything. But that doesn't seem to be working. 

As I write nothing, the Administration and its incompetent leaders are deploying our military against our own citizens. The renamed Department of War is declaring war on the opposing political party in our own country and the Republican voters are okay with it. 
The press and media are doing a piss poor job of covering and criticizing the administration and are apparently afraid of doing so.

It's all about the money.
We have capitalized our society and our citizenship is for sale to the highest bidders. 
I am at a loss and really don't know what to do or say.
Even this post is nothing more than an expression of frustration and offers no real solution or resolution. I am not even certain that the little bit of venting helps in any way.

Maybe I should have just left the page blank.

John

Thursday Theology

I know -- this meme over simplifies the issue of religious control over its adherents. That's kind of what memes do. They are not comprehensive thoughts; just brief bits to make you think.

So let's think about it.
Although only three characters are mentioned, there are four men pictured. I am guessing that the fourth is representative of the Jewish religion and is supposed to be Moses. I don't know that. It's just an assumption on my part and an apparent afterthought of the meme creator.

I have read the teachings of some Buddhist monks and teachers.
I have read the gospels and the teachings of the New Testament.
I have not read the Quran nor many Islamic teachings. I probably need to.

As a follower of Jesus, I do need constant reminders of what he taught. Reading and understanding what he taught versus hearing what religious leaders have to say about it is often tricky and contradictory.
Many of the teachings of the Buddha and Jesus are very similar. As I have said, I don't really know much about the teachings of Mohammed. 

There are many more people that have influenced large and small sections of humanity with philosophies of how to live with one another. Some (like Buddhism) tend to be more philosophical than religious. And there are, of course, humanists that are more focused on using science, reason, and compassion to live ethically and achieve the best by everybody making contributions to living in society and community with one another.

The Christianity of most of my life taught me to believe certain things, say certain things, and to judge people and life based on what eternal reward or punishment one might receive after death. But as I read the gospels without the controlling bullshit of religion, I find that the teachings of Jesus are more about how we should live with one another daily than they are about what happens when we die.

There is a derogatory saying about Christians being too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good that brings that thought to reality. Following Jesus today (for me) is more about how I live and love today and less about what is going to happen when I die.
Even my concern for others today is more about how they live and love (and even hate) today than it is about what will happen to them when they die. 

What would happen if we were less worried about what happens after death and more concerned with the world we live in today?
I hope that whatever guides your life will lead you to live well -- today.
I hope that it will lead you to love well -- today.

John

Hard Work Leads to Hard Sleep

I know that I have said this before, but I will say it again -- I am glad that I didn't have to do physical labor throughout my working years. I did work in a lumber yard and in an aluminum factory back in my 20s when I was in good shape to do so. And I know that hard work now would be much easier if I were in better shape. 
As it is -- well let's just say that I have slept well the past couple of nights!

To be fair -- I do sleep well most nights, but after a few hours of pulling weeds and digging in the clay and rocks of SWMO I slept exceptionally well. I don't think today's work will be as strenuous as the past two days, so maybe I will work a little longer than my usual two to three hours. 
Then again, maybe not.

Yesterday was the first time that I have separated peonies. There were a few large tubers that broke off solo, without the recommended three eyes for replanting. I replanted them anyway. My understanding is that they may take a couple of seasons to produce flowers. I guess we will see in the spring.
I find that separating and replanting the gladiolus bulbs and the iris tubers as well as the peonies to be very rewarding. I have also thinned and shared the hostas we have and am trying to propagate some hydrangea and coleus, as well.

I don't think I would go so far as to call flower gardening fun, but it is quite enjoyable and very rewarding. I think I'm going to give roses another go. They are beautiful and smell nice, but the thorny little buggers can be a little challenging in this poor Missouri soil. 

There is more mulching and fall garden work to do today so I am expecting another work induced good night's rest tonight. I am convinced that not all of the good sleep goes to the hard work, but that much can be attributed to the energy flow of just being outdoors. Walking barefoot in the grass, sitting and listening to the birds and night critters, digging in the dirt -- all have a way of soothing the soul and relaxing the body. 
It could be that I would sleep just as well without the hard work, but the work needs to be done and I'm too cheap to pay somebody else to do it. Besides, it is both enjoyable and rewarding.

No wisdom for this Wednesday other than to suggest some time with plants -- even a potted house plant can bring some calming energy.

John

Front porch morning

It's a cool morning in the Ozarks of SWMO, a brisk 57 (14C) at wake-up. The front porch faces to the NNW and is a little cooler than the back deck. I just felt like a little change would be good. 
I thought about a coffee at a coffee shop this morning -- because I haven't done that for a couple of weeks and I do have some errands to run, but decided that home coffee and quiet time was the way to go today. The movie to the front of the house is enough change for me. 

I've been doing some fall work in the flower beds to prep them for winter and the coming spring. I have let them get away from me in the last couple of months and they need quite a bit of work. I may need to put in more than my 2-3 hours on days when I'm working and I may need to actually do something every day for a little while. There are some things that need to be done sooner rather than later -- like planting bulbs and tubers and separating or thinning some plants. Other things can wait -- like mulching and general clean up, maintenance, and seed harvesting.
Unfortunately, they often overlap and the later stuff needs to be done so that I can get to the stuff that needs to be done now. I am privileged to have the time and fortunate that nothing is truly imperative. I will still have plenty of time to sit and write, read, enjoy an afternoon cigar, and just live out the life of a retired guy. 

I am often amused at how excited I get over some of the simple things about gardening. Thinning the irises and replanting the abundance of tubers in a different location is pretty cool. I can't wait to see them growing in their new location next spring.
Also, digging up the gladiolus bulbs to separate and replant gives me more than twice as many for next year as I had this year.
It really doesn't take much to make me happy.

In some ways, I look at flower gardening as my kindness to the world -- well, at least in my small corner of the world. My flowers provide food for the birds and pollinators, and beauty for the neighbors that drive past our yard. The work keeps me busy and away from people that might be offended by my sarcasm and insensitive wit. It's pretty much a win for everybody.

It may not be a good thing when you consider it a kindness to stay away from people.

John

Monday (It is Monday, right?)

It's a little weird how often I have to check to see what day it actually is before I hit publish for a Monday Meditation, Wednesday Wisdom, or Thursday Theology post. I still haven't decided if not knowing what day it is is a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe not needing to know is the good thing; actually not knowing is neither good nor bad most of the time.

Mostly, mornings are just mornings. 
The sun is shining on my face as I squint to make out the words I am typing on my Chromebook. My coffee is good and the noise from the highway seems unusually loud today. And I think the hummingbirds are gone. I only saw one yesterday, none yet this morning. 
I will see you soon, my little avian friends -- PV in a month!

I'll keep better track of days when winter gets here and I have the regular responsibility of working at the shelter again. There are shelters for women only and men only. A few allow couples or singles of either gender. I believe that the shelter where I work is the only all inclusive shelter and it is the only one that takes pets. All of the shelters have a great need for volunteers. Without volunteers, we cannot open. 

In Springfield MO the crisis cold weather shelter season is from November 1st until the end of March. During that time, dinners are centralized to a single location where shelter sign up takes place. Transportation to the shelters is provided by City Utilities via the Springfield bus system. Since buses do not transport pets, our shelter needs volunteers to transport pets (crates can be provided). Morning buses pick up guests to transport them to a central breakfast place. 

In addition, our shelter needs people to set up cots, prepare the kitchen area and serve drinks and snacks, stay overnight, open the kitchen for coffee, hot cocoa, and oatmeal in the morning, morning pet transportation, store cots (when necessary), clean up, and laundry drop off and delivery.

All-in-all, our facility alone uses 15 volunteers every night that we are open!
Some tasks take less than an hour and have no actual contact with our unsheltered friends. Other tasks are for two or three hours and a couple are for a 12 hour overnight shift. The overnight shifts can accommodate a four or five hour sleep time if needed.
If you are interested in volunteering this winter or are a part of a church or organization that can provide shelter or a steady stream of volunteers -- please let me know. We would gladly have somebody come talk to your group about serving our community with us.

When we reach the point of collecting donations for our shelter pantry and closet I will share that info and links in a future post.

Be well, my friends.
And find a way to serve your neighbors.

John

Friday Fun Facts

Some of the unexpected spoils from WWI

Did you know ...
(click it to big it)

and...

One final one today

Have a great weekend!

John

Following Jesus

In the bible, Paul tells the church in Corinth that they can just follow him since he is following the Christ (Jesus). I can see where that makes some sense back in the day. The Corinthian church didn't have the bible to teach them what Jesus taught, only the few people that taught what Jesus had proclaimed.
That's not the case today.
If you want to follow Jesus, you don't have to (and probably shouldn't) follow a person that claims to be following Jesus. In bible-speak we would call that idolatry. 

I mention this today because I see a lot of that type of idolatry within the church in the US these days. Honestly, it's always been there. 
Pastors know that oftentimes they are idolized by their congregations and do little to discourage it. Perhaps they secretly enjoy that kind of admiration.

Back when I was doing pulpit supply (filling in for pastors) I would often find myself preaching at churches where only a few people knew that the pastor would be gone. Pastors figured that if they weren't going to be there, the people would also take the week off from church. Perhaps the great tragedy from that is that if the people don't show up, neither does their money.

I get it. 
We get used to how a particular person teaches and preaches and that is what we want to hear. But we need to ask ourselves -- Are we going to church to worship God or for some other reason like worshiping the pastor or being with certain people? 
In my own mind, those alternative reasons are okay as long as we are honest about it. I don't think The Venues calls their Sunday morning gathering a worship service, maybe just a service -- probably some kind of church-y language to let non-Venues people know this is when they meet. When I do actually attend on Sundays (which isn't very often), I can honestly say it doesn't feel like I've been to church -- at least not in the way that going to church once felt like. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not. I am sure that it works for a lot of people -- especially for people that have been hurt by churches and church people.

My following Jesus today looks much different than it did when I was trying to convince others to follow Jesus. Today I follow Jesus because I believe it is a better way to live rather than a better way to die. I see being a Christian as embracing the Christ-spirit within me, within others, and within the world around me on a moment by moment basis rather than waiting to die to be in His presence.
I don't go to church to sense the presence of God.
I sit here on my deck, surrounded by plants, looking out at the field and the trees beyond it.
I breathe deeply.
I hear the nearby bluebirds and sparrows, and the distant crows.
And I sense the presence of the Creator.
This is my church.
This is where I connect with God.
From here, I follow Jesus and his teachings.

I know it is not a theologically sound way of Christianity, but I'm only sharing it as my own. There isn't enough room on my deck for very many others so you will need to find your own way to connect to God. And if you are interested in learning what Jesus taught, I'd recommend starting with the beatitudes from The Sermon on the Mount. You can find them here.

John

You, be you.

I think we are too often stressing ourselves out by trying to be the person others expect us to be.
On the other hand, we often expect other people to be a certain way to live up to our expectations.

If you are kind to people because they are kind to you -- that's not kindness. That's business.
Maybe we should feel free to be the person we are without letting other people make the determination for us.
You can be kind to people that are not nice people. 
You can be generous to people that can't pay you back.
You can be respectful to people that might not be respectful themselves.
You only get to determine who you are.
You do not get to determine who they are.

You might want to read those last two lines again.
Here's a suitable meme for that...

And because recent events in the US have been focused around free speech, I thought I'd include a bonus gem. You get to have your opinions and free speech, but others get to freely disagree, laugh at you, and mock you if they are ridiculous.

Be you
but be careful.

John

A Final Summer Meditation

Shortly after 1PM CDT the earth will reach that spot in its annual orbit around the sun that marks the astronomical beginning of fall -- the autumnal equinox.
I guess it is time to break out the flannel shirts, hoodies, and long pants. Fall is here.
The fog is thick this morning and I am a little disappointed that the summer sun didn't make an appearance to say goodbye, but everything goes spinning along as planned. 

This morning I am wondering if the dense fog and not being able to see the field and the trees will help or hinder my meditation. I often begin with eyes open and both seeing and feeling the energy of nature. It is easy to say that the fog makes it so there is nothing to see. 
But what about the fog?

Being in the present this morning means embracing the fog -- seeing it as something other than a damp, oppressive grey thing that overwhelms the morning. This morning's fog is an appropriate beginning to the new season. It is a remnant of last night's rains and it cools the day as it guards against the quick evaporation of the needed moisture of summer's final rain shower. 
I don't know if the fog amplifies the backgrounds sounds or if I am just more aware of them because hearing is the best sense to interpret the world this morning. Background sounds from the nearby highway and even the jet that flew far overhead seem louder today. 
I am aware of the coolness the fog brings to the air as I feel it on my skin and as I breathe it in. 

I typically think of fog being oppressive, but it doesn't feel that way this morning. This morning's fog brings no sense of good nor bad. It isn't depressing nor is it encouraging. It simply exists. Maybe seeing the fog this way is a good lesson in viewing other things that tend to obscure the priorities of life -- identify them for what they are, understand that we are the ones that determine if they are good or bad, helpful or harmful, and allow them to just exist.

Hey, that's not bad for an unplanned meditative learning.

I hope you find peace in your day.

John

"Who loves ya, baby?" -- Kojak

I know.
I'm old.
Many readers have never heard of Kojak or the actor Telly Savalas that played the NYPD detective that sucked on lollipops and and always used the line -- "Who loves ya, baby?"

I started by thinking about -- Whom do you love? and How do you show it?
I could ask -- Whom do you hate? -- but people would just lie about that. 
So how about this -- Who loves you, baby? 
And how do you know it? What do they do to demonstrate their love for you?

I ask these questions because it seems that so much of what people say these days doesn't match up with what they do. Christians often use the line -- Love the sinner, hate the sin -- but they don't really love the sinner. They exclude people with certain sins from their fellowship. They vote for politicians that actively oppress those sinners. Their actions tell their truths while their words are just lies that they justify with some bullshit made-up religious garbage.

There is no hate like Christian love.

Is it really fair to say you are not a racist when you support, follow or defend someone that is?
Can you really say that you love a queer person when you support legislators and legislation that actively oppresses them and may even make life less safe for them?
If someone is working against your best interests, would you think that person loves you?

Honestly, today's John doesn't even care if you claim to be a Christian or not. I would stand with, work with and defend a hundred persons of different faiths or of no faith or atheists that actually care about and love their fellow humans rather than stand with the hypocrites that claim to love in the name of Jesus but do nothing to prove their words true.

If people knew you, if they watched you and you couldn't tell them anything -- would they feel like you love them?

It is a struggle for me to spend a lot of time with people. I am learning to see good in people and that isn't really the issue. I think that oftentimes it is more about whether or not they will see the good in me or will Ugly John make an unscheduled appearance and destroy what I have built on the ashes of that old, judgmental creed that I have set aside.

The funny thing about growing past your past is that it is always back there lurking and waiting to drag you back -- even if only for a moment. I suppose it is a good reminder that I was there and that I need to have grace for those that still are, and hope that they will evolve or grow, as well.
I believe that as I have become more contemplative I have also become more caring and more loving. I am grateful for the privilege to have the time and means to be contemplative and meditative. God knows (and so do most people that know me) that I have a long way to go. 

Figuring out who loves me is way easier than demonstrating love towards others.
I'm going to go ahead and post this now, on Saturday night. Tomorrow is National Back to Church Day and while many churches have been busy inviting people and will be hoping to welcome large numbers of people back to church -- The Venues isn't doing church tomorrow. We will be being the church. 

No church service tomorrow, just community service. We will gather together early at The Venues and then disperse throughout the city and take care of different needs in our community. Then we will meet back at The Venues around lunchtime and we will have a party. 
Serving the community and having fun.
James, the brother of Jesus said something about showing our faith by what we do. I think it also works if you take out faith and put in love.

John

Spiritual Warfare

I need some help in understanding this concept of spiritual warfare.

First of all -- Is this a battle between spirits, for spirits, or by spirits?
And secondly -- How has this spiritual battle often turned into actual physical violence between human beings?

It seems a bit sci-fi-ish to talk about a battle between the spirit realm and the physical realm, but that is the image that I always come up with when confronted with the topic of spiritual warfare. 
Do we physical beings sit this one out while waiting for our souls to be divided or won by powerful, eternal beings (angels and demons) of the spiritual realm?

Or are human beings active participants in this battle, winning and losing souls for our side?
How do we do that? 
Doesn't killing the infidels put them permanently on the other side?

From a simple human perspective I am having a really difficult time reconciling that we must do battle for the powerful spirit forces that are engaged in some epic battle for control of the earth and all of its resources (both people and riches).
It sounds an awful lot like our own wars -- rich and powerful people using the lower classes to do battle so that they have more stuff and control more people.

Could it be that spiritual warfare is as much bullshit as actual warfare?
Could it be that the idea of this great spiritual battle is just another lie told by religious leaders to bring followers under control?
Why would a god of any realm need to use mere humans to do battle?
Or are we just collateral damage; a resource to be won or lost in their epic battle?

Or maybe we are just a vile and violent people that will use anyone and any means to take from others.
What if there is no spiritual war?
What if there is no battle for the souls of humanity?
What if the battle for religious control is just a fight for control?
What if we are mere pawns in a chess game of powerful people?

Can we decide not to participate?
Can we decide not to hate?
Can we decide that violence isn't the way?
Can we decide that we don't need to be in control of other people, or nations, or religions?

I hope you didn't come here today seeking answers.
All I have are questions.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

If you know me at all, you already know that I don't talk to too many people. I don't even interact much on social media forums. I've gotten much better at reading and not commenting about what somebody else has posted. I still often type out a response or comment and then delete it before posting it, but I have mostly just scrolled on. 
Also, I rarely feel compelled to read all of the comments left on others' posts.

Having said that -- people seem to have a great need to comment, condemn, or criticize other people's feelings about Charlie Kirk and all that surrounds his past and his murder. There have been a lot of hateful and hurtful things said about people that loved him as well as by people that loved him.

As is usually the case with internet arguments -- nobody is going to change anybody's mind and we just end up angry and frustrated with one another. My thoughts on this are going to be -- If you feel the need to share your feelings on this -- do so, but allow others to do the same. And just as you don't want to hear their criticism of your stance, you should allow them to have their opinions without your negative comments.
Just scroll on.

People are going to have widely varying thoughts on what they find to be important. There will be those that find someone to be important and influential while others find the same person to be insignificant and irrelevant. So what?
There are some people that are deeply moved and motivated by their religious beliefs and others that feel that any religious beliefs are just foolish scams. And still others would go to war to make others know that their god is God. 

If you want the freedom to share your thoughts, beliefs, or even just your uninformed opinions without fear or favor then you have to be willing to allow others to do the same. 
Just scroll on.

For what it's worth -- I think Kirk was a master at his manipulative craft and not a nice person at all. I think he clothed his hate speech in religion and civility and was a modern day Pied Piper that lured unsuspecting people to very dark places. Kirk capitalized (made money off of) on the fear and hate and even on the religious beliefs of others. Even today, his organization continues to make money by showing his funeral and declaring that the fight must go on. 
As I've said in the past -- Hate sells.

I've disengaged a bit from social media recently. Honestly, I've even grown weary of people that share many of my beliefs but feel like they need to fight or argue or post mean things about people that see things from other perspectives.
Just scroll on.

That's my offering for this week's Wednesday Wisdom post -- 
Just scroll on.

And if you don't like it, well ...
Just scroll on.

John

Milestones and What Really Matters

Yesterday I reached a milestone here on Out of My Hat -- 1 million views!
I'm not too overly excited about it because I know that a large percentage are bot hits that have keyed on keywords or topics -- like Charlie Kirk or politics.
I've already had twice as many hits this month as I had for all of last month.

I suppose I could post more political or controversial content and keep a steady stream of high hit days. Then I could monetize my blog and allow ads to supplement my retirement. I could start adding video and make Out of My Hat more of a vlog or blog/vlog combo. 
To be honest, I have considered doing the advertising thing once or twice over the past almost 20 years, but didn't want the added pressure to write or to choose more controversial topics. I prefer to keep it a place for me to just write and share thoughts. I've had a few angry responses over the years, even got called in to the church office over a post that somebody didn't like -- and I wasn't even on staff or holding any kind of church position!

I don't mind writing controversial stuff and I don't really care if everybody agrees with me or not. Having said that, I would rather have people feel good about reading Out of My Hat and come back often for that feeling or maybe to learn something than to be angry or come back to reinforce their own prejudice and bias.

If we have learned anything from either the mainstream media or from social media (or politics) it is that causing division and spreading hatred sells way more than sharing good news and spreading kindness and love. It also appears to be way easier to get people to hate the people you hate than to love the people you love.  
Why is that?
Is it so important for us to feel more important, more powerful, or just better than somebody else?
Are we that insecure with ourselves and who we are that we need to tear other people down?
Why are we so willing to use technology to effectively spread hatred to build our tribes than to use love to enhance our communities?

I understand that it is a part of our natural instinct to be distrustful of things and people that we don't understand. But we can overcome those ancient survival skills and be better. Humanity should be better. We don't need to remain in our small competing tribes and factions. We can learn from one another and be better together. 
Violence is the least educated or least intellectual way to address our differences. It is the way of tyrants and bullies. We are better than that.

I have a few people-ing events this week -- dinner with a small group of friends tomorrow, barchurch on Thursday, and an afternoon of cigars, conversation and a sip or two of bourbon with a friend on Friday. I'll use Saturday as a recharging day and then Sunday is our church community service day followed by a celebratory party. 

Community is hard for me.
I think I'd be better as a hermit.

John

Monday Meditation: Finding Peace

It's been a crazy week.
Perhaps the craziest part of it is that much of life goes on as if nothing unusual nor violent happened last week. 

I know that for those that experienced the violence of last week, life will never be the same. They didn't watch baseball games, or football, or championship fights this past weekend. There was no tailgating and there were no big watch parties.
They were grieving and recovering from the personal trauma of experienced violence. They are dealing with the firsthand knowledge that our world is not a safe place. 

The internet has made it so that one cannot even express one's own thoughts without being scrutinized and criticized for what is said. Simple truths like -- "If you want people to say kind things when you pass, you should say kind things when you're alive," have been mocked for being insensitive. 
People are either heartless for not really caring or militant against those that don't care. 
It's a weird space when people can't say what they feel about a guy that supposedly championed free speech.

It is also difficult to find peace if you remain in the same media that brings about your distress. I don't think you will find peace on the internet or specifically on social media platforms. You may have a small group of friends that are a calming presence, but I generally find that time alone is the best way to find peace. 
Quiet time with nature is my favorite place to find restorative peace. 
Honestly, the peace is already within me. Sometimes I just need the quietness or the sounds of nature to help me find it. 

I woke up early this morning -- around 5:00. I didn't fall back asleep, but just listened to the night sounds. The birds weren't even up yet, and most of the night bug sounds as long since quieted down. Mostly I listened to the hooting of a Great Horned Owl that reigns over this territory throughout the nighttime hours.
I spent more than an hour just listening and enjoying the peacefulness of the early morning before getting up and making my coffee.

I hope that you have a place of peace where you can rest and be restored.

John

Happy Monday morning!

The Struggle is Real

The violence in the USA is out of control and I am struggling with my own response to the events of the violent attacks that took place yesterday -- the school shooting in Colorado where two students were injured and the shooter took his own life, and the murder of political activist, Charlie Kirk.

One of the things that I am struggling with is that I don't think Mr. Kirk would expect us to do anything in response to the events but to carry on with our lives. He, himself, would have no empathy for the victims of violence, nor for their families, and would consider the victims, including himself, collateral damage and the price we pay to have our guns.
While these things seem ridiculous, I fear that he was not alone in his assessment of gun violence and many people feel the same way. Perhaps that is why we continue to have violent events -- Every. F***ing. Day.

Perhaps my greatest struggle is that I fear I am becoming someone that I don't want to be, someone that I despise. It is easy to say Mr. Kirk was a victim of his own making -- that he stoked the political fires and put on the target. It is easy to say that karma is a bitch and he reaped what was sown in his own statements.
But that is not who I want to be. 

I want to feel compassion for the students that were shot and for the students that go to school in fear. 
I want to express condolences to the kids that lost a father, to the woman that lost her husband, and also to the ones that loved the shooter that died.
I want to believe that there is never an acceptable time for political violence in a country where violence is becoming the only language that gets heard. 

Have I become numb to the daily violence because it happens so often?
...or is it because it just hasn't affected me?
Have I become a person that just doesn't care?
...that lacks empathy?
...that sees violence as a way of life in the US?
...that sees hatred as a part of who we (I) have become?

Our culture tends to believe that violence is the only effective response to anger (even righteous anger). We tend to react quickly and violently to things that anger us. We yell. We strike back. We aim to hurt or destroy.
Other cultures and traditions teach us to acknowledge our anger, to embrace it and understand why we are angry, and then to use it to direct us towards an acceptable solution. 

How are you dealing with your feelings today?
Are you struggling?
You are not alone.

John

Sleep, health, and random stuff

I seem to be getting back to my 6 hour per night sleep pattern. I'm sure if I went back to bed at my natural wake up time I could easily get another full 90 minute cycle, but I've been getting up and making coffee to get the day started. I will admit to taking a brief nap at some point in the late afternoon or evening. 
It works.

I feel fortunate to be a good sleeper when I know that many people have a difficult time sleeping well. I think that a good night's sleep is a vital part of good health. Admittedly, I haven't always thought that way. Typically, I go to bed between midnight and 1 am, and get up between 6 and 7 or whenever I've finished sleeping for the night. I tend to fall asleep quickly and also wake up easily. 
People have asked if I am more of a morning person or night person. I am usually just awake and have no real preference. 
I started getting a little bit of exercise recently(walking or exercise cycle), and have noticed that I sleep more soundly on days that I have exercised, even if the exercise is earlier in the day.

I had my annual physical yesterday and it turns out that I am pretty healthy for a fat guy. The Doc reminded me that there are no real health benefits from smoking cigars and drinking alcohol (even in moderation), and there can definitely be negative consequences.
I have cut back on both, but will probably continue to indulge in the occasional sip and smoke afternoons on the deck that seem to soothe my soul.  
He did not suggest cutting out my daily coffee, but did suggest being aware of my caffeine intake and how it can affect blood pressure, anxiety, sleep, and other aspects of health.

In a strange juxtaposition, retirement has found me being more attentive to my mental and spiritual well being and less concerned with my physical care. I think our Western culture is more the opposite way. I need to find a better balance.
It is interesting that we have doctors to care for our physical well being, but tend to shun the practices and practitioners of mental care that many other cultures embrace.

So, I'm curious...
Do you sleep well or struggle to get a good night's rest?
Do you have a nighttime ritual to help you sleep better?
How does diet impact your sleep quality?
Do you reduce your sleep time to make time for awake activities?
Do you consider good sleep to be a vital part of good health?
Are you willing to make changes to your awake time to allow for better sleep?

I am truly interested to hear what different perceptions people have about sleep.
My -- I'll sleep when I'm dead -- perspective has definitely changed even though I am still pretty much a short sleeper.

John

Books (and what can we learn from fictional reading?)

A few weekends ago I stumbled into one of the Friends of the Library book sales. I picked up a few old paperbacks and have been reading them. They were mostly from a genre that I enjoyed reading years ago -- Westerns!
Louis L'Amour, William Johnstone, and Ralph Compton are all writers that I've read in the past and all write in easy to read, descriptive narratives that I enjoy. So I have been reading westerns and am on my fifth book in just a couple of weeks. It is simple, yet entertaining reading -- kind of like eating popcorn at the movie theater. I picked up a few more paperbacks at a Farmer's Market stand this past weekend. I don't know if I'll just continue to burn through them or mix them in with some more serious reading. 

I have noticed something that is different about reading them today than there was in reading them in the past.
In the past I never really considered how violent we were. It should come as no real surprise that we are still a violence prone people. One would think we would have outgrown that way of life, but we seem to have gone from using violence to conquer other people to turning it inwards towards one another. We even have an a$$hole in the White House that wants to declare war on Chicago and use our own military to control our own citizens. 

Are we returning to a time when the most violent and brutal people rule?
Or is it just the rich and powerful people convincing the poorer people to fight against each other and then the powerful ones take all of the spoils?
F 'em! Let them fight their own battles. 

Typically in western fiction -- the good guys win and the bad guys die. Violence doesn't always work that way in real life. Maybe we just need to write better real life stories.

Just some simple Monday morning thoughts.
What are you reading?

John 

It's Another Beautiful Day in the Ozarks

It is another beautiful day in the Ozarks of SWMO.
I was up early (6:45ish) after spending another night sleeping on the deck futon. The neighbor's roosters and chickens were doing their morning thing and the sun was making it's daily appearance in the eastern sky. Wake up temperature was just below 60f (15c) and I slept quite well.

When I went inside to make my morning coffee it almost felt like the heat was on. In spite of the expected warm up this week, I think the nights will remain cool. Sleeping inside with the bedside window open is nice, but it is amazing how much of the night sounds are muted through an open window. I am surprised at how differently it feels to be out on the deck vs next to an open window.
There is such a calming effect from being outside vs inside. I don't know if the walls just block or dampen the energy or if there is some kind of different electrical field or what it is, but daytime or nighttime, I'd rather be sitting outside vs sitting inside.

I think the week ahead will be a typical week for a retired guy in the Ozarks. I have my annual physical this week and expect to hear that I need to lose weight (I do). 
The Springfield Cardinals will be wrapping up their season at home and I will probably be at two or three of their final six regular season games. 
I have more iris tubers to plant. My irises were getting so densely packed that I haven't had very many blossoms this year. I dug them up, thinned them out, and am replanting a bunch along the front of the fence. I am hoping they do well next spring. 
I should probably check my gladiolus for new corms to be spread out, as well. There is quite a bit of work to be done in late summer/early fall in flower gardening. I will also be spreading out my peonies and trying to find a way to contain the Rugosa rose bush that is taking over its space. I'm thinking I may have to cut it back, dig it up, and replant it in a confined area -- something like an in-ground potted plant with an open bottom but deep sides. The runners this beast sends out are pretty amazing.
I've also been re-potting some succulents and indoor plants. I really need a small green house. That may be a winter project. 

If you know me at all, you know I am a summer guy and I am not looking forward to the fall and winter seasons. Having said that, I am determined to enjoy each day for what it is. The dying of annual plants, the dormancy of perennials, and the regeneration on the other side of winter all have their places in the cycle of things. 

Honestly, my days are full of simple pleasures -- butterflies and humming birds feeding on the nectar of my flowers, bluebirds, wrens and finches enjoying the seeds, the sounds of a nearby great horned owl at night, the yipping of coyotes or the occasional deer that find their way through our field -- it's really a pretty good life.

Be present.
Enjoy the moment.
Have a wonderful week.

John



 

Thursday Thoughts

It's a little coffee shop kind of morning -- El Cafecito in Springfield.
(For non-Spanish speakers -- el cafecito translates to the little coffee shop!)
I only had enough coffee at home for a single cup, so a morning coffee shop run seemed to be in order.

With so much Christian nationalism and so many conflicting Christian messages and behaviors, it is of no wonder that there is so much distrust of Christianity and especially conservative, evangelical Christianity.
Even without the secular parts of Christian nationalism, the basics of evangelical Christianity offer enough conflicts to make a discerning person wonder -- WTF?

For example:
God loves you, but will condemn you to eternal torment if you don't do exactly as He says. (gender specific patriarchy intended) 
God's grace is a free gift but you have to do certain things to obtain it.
God's love is unconditional (certain conditions apply).
Jesus died for everyone, but only if you say he died for you.
God created you perfectly, but won't accept you if the church decides you don't fit into their expectations of holiness and acceptability.
Jesus turned water into wine, but drinking alcohol is a sin.
And on...
and on...
and on.

I'm sure that a comprehensive list would be much longer than anyone would care to read. It would definitely be much longer than I would care to research and write!

It has been a number of years since I set aside the whole religion scene.
I am still a believer in God and a follower of Jesus -- just without the structure of any kind of organized religion.
In fact -- the further I got from religion, the closer I got to God.
I accept (even embrace) the heretic label that may come my way from those that find my inclusiveness to be offensive. 

One of the most telling lines I've ever heard is -- There is no hate like Christian love.

Just thoughts rolling around in my head this morning.

John

No Wisdom on this Wednesday

It's a pretty slow start to this Wednesday morning and the day is warming up nicely. We may decide to turn the A/C back on.  Or maybe not. Mid 80s (29c) isn't too bad for a couple of hours. We have ceiling fans and an attic fan and generally get a nice breeze with the windows open in both the front and back of the house.

I should have jumped on the outdoor work earlier, but I'm not a big get it done early kind of guy. My mornings are slow and easy. I may find myself working at cleaning out the basement since it is generally cooler down there throughout the day. 

I was thinking that I need to offer a nugget of wisdom for my typical Wednesday Wisdom posting, but I don't really have any wise words or thoughts to share. My daily contemplation (inspired by my shamanistic readings) has me thinking about who I am and when it is appropriate to wear masks. 
Wearing masks isn't always hiding who we are or being deceptive to others. Sometimes it's just being the appropriate you for the moment.

It is perfectly natural to be a different person at work than you are when you are out with friends. It is okay to be different as a student than as a son, daughter, or even parent. While our character and morals may not change from one situation to another, altering our behavior depending on the situation doesn't mean we are fake or manipulative. A work Christmas party and a family holiday meal are very different types of celebrations and it is reasonable to expect different personas. 

An accurate answer to the question -- "Who am I?" might just be -- "It depends on the situation."

I have far fewer roles than I once had.
I am no longer an air traffic controller or employee.
I have left the world of evangelicalism and preaching. 
I no longer entertain groups with magic.
I still have familial roles as husband, dad, brother, son -- but husband is the only one that I really do on a day to day basis.
I guess I am mostly just a reclusive retired guy that likes flowers, and occasionally smokes cigars and sips a little bourbon or tequila.

Maybe the big deal with masks is if we use them to hide who we are. 
Am I a different person than I want people to think I am?

Are you the person people think you are?
Or have you deliberately fooled them with a mask that disguises the person you really are?

John

It is still summer -- just saying

How can it be September already?
While Labor Day Weekend is an unofficial end of summer and the beginning of football season kind of marks the start of fall -- neither of those things is actually true.
IT'S STILL SUMMER!

In fact, if we're going to use artificial markers for the end of summer/beginning of fall then I say when I've put my lawn mower away for the year marks the end of summer. That won't be until mid October. I'll keep the flannel shirts in the closet and the pumpkin spice on the pantry shelf for a little bit longer. You fall loving people can do whatever you want, but it is always summer in my heart.
For anyone that actually cares -- the astronomical end of summer is on September 22 at 1:19 PM CDT. 

And although it is still growing season in SWMO, I do need to prepare some of my flowers for the coming cold season. I'll be dividing my iris and peony plants and am looking for another place for some hydrangeas. I also need to get some more mulch down in the big flower bed. I'm still figuring out how to best cut back and contain the large Rugosa rose bush.
There is always an unending amount of work to do in the flower gardens. 
If anyone is looking for some hostas to get planted and rooted before winter, let me know. I need to thin mine out -- either now or in the early spring.

This first week of September will be a little cooler than normal, so I should be able to get lots of outdoor work accomplished.

Have a grand week!

John

The Life of John

There is not much going on in the life of John these days, certainly nothing worth writing about.
However, writing is a nice therapeutic kind of energy flow and I occasionally just feel like I need to clack away on my keyboard. Feel free to scroll on past this post. I am just writing to write.

It has been a nice, quiet, and uneventful week. I managed to go to a couple of ballgames and find it surprising that the summer baseball season is quickly coming to an end. While the MLB St Louis Cardinals are not having a good season, the AA Springfield Cardinals are on their way to completing a record setting most wins in franchise history kind of season. 
I've been fortunate enough to have attended a number of games and will try to catch one or two more before the season actually closes.

Here at home, I have been re-potting a few plants and experimenting with a bit of propagation of some of my outdoor flowers. It is the right season to be dividing some of the plants and the coming week looks like cooler weather with a bit of rain. I am hoping for the motivation to get out and get some good gardening work done this week. 

But that's really all there is to my simple life. 
Throw in an occasional cigar, a sip of bourbon or tequila, a book to read, or just quiet time listening to the birds while sitting on the deck and you have the simple, quiet life of John.
And no -- I don't find it to be boring. I am content. 

Strangely, I find great peace in the simplicity of my life. I have learned to see, feel, or sense the presence of God in all of the quiet around me. It's not in a holy or particularly reverent kind of way; it's more like an awareness of this Universal Force or energy or spirit. I don't really know how to explain it other than to say -- IYKYK (If You Know -- You Know).
The awareness of this Force brings peace when things are not so quiet or the chaos of other lives and forces make their way into my otherwise simple life.

From where I am sitting in Highlandville MO -- life ain't so bad.
I mean -- there's no tropical beach, but -- it's still not so bad.

John

What does God look like?

What does God look like? 
Or how does God appear to you?

I find it weird (and frankly, a little disturbing) that I still have this imagined image of God that looks similar to Michelangelo's image -- white headed, white bearded, old white guy with a great physique. 
In fact, I find the idea of humanizing God with names like Father and a gender (he) as well as phrases like "the hand of God" or "the Son of God" somehow diminish the greatness and magnificence of God.

I recently was introduced to the word -- panentheism.
Pantheism is basically the belief that all of creation is God. Everything is God.
Panentheism is the belief that God is in all of creation. 

I like that.
The more time I spend contemplating God, the more time I spend in nature, the more I study the stars, even the more I spend with people -- the more I begin to grasp the idea that God is indeed imprinted on and in all of creation.
While I understand the personification of God, I do wish that I had not been exposed to so much of it that ii is now difficult to unlearn some of it. On the other hand, it is pretty cool to discover that our Creator is much more magnificent than I once believed.
My image of God as an old white guy is beginning to fade and I am starting to sense God as a life force or positive energy rather than to see God as a glorified person of some kind. 

When you think of God, do you get a mental image?
If so -- what does God look like to you?
Just wondering.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

May today be an easier day for all of us!

John

Early Tuesday

It is quite early (for me) on a Tuesday morning. The sun is not yet up and nature is still relatively quiet. I have been sleeping quite well the past few nights. It may be the cooler nights and the open windows next to the bed. It was a cool 56 (13c) degrees at wake-up this morning. I'm sure I could have gone back to bed for another sleep cycle, but I am well rested and awake so I donned some pajama pants and a sweater and am now enjoying my morning coffee on the deck.

It looks to be a beautiful, sunny day today. After quite a string of lazy days, perhaps I'll do a little work today. Right now I am planning to go to the Springfield Cardinals baseball game tonight. It's hard to believe that they only have one more home stand after this one. I have a ticket for Saturday night's game and one for the last home game of the season on Sept 14. I'll use my general admission pass for tonight's game and any others that I attend between now and then.
I have already renewed my Red Access Membership for next season.

I've been working on some potted plants and plant starts. I have a few cuttings that I am trying to start in water -- philodendrons, and several varieties of caladium. I am also attempting to root some hydrangea cuttings. As rewarding as flower gardening and small potted plants are, the necessary patience to wait on nature's time cycle is a little maddening to me. 
I am also trying my hand at growing a few succulents in small pots.

Although I do read quite a bit and follow a few social sites on gardening, I consider most of my gardening work to be experiments -- Let's try this and see what happens. I consider it to be a blessing that nature's will to survive is often greater than my ignorance and incompetence. 

I have books to read, work to do and a baseball game to watch.
I hope your day is as good as mine is shaping up to be.

John

Thinking Ahead

It's a cool morning in the Ozarks of SWMO -- 62 (17c) at 6:30. 
The sky is overcast and I had to turn on the deck lights to sit out here with my morning coffee. With the cooler temps expected for the week, we turned off the a/c and opened the windows yesterday and I think that's the way we will end August. 

It might seem like it is a little early to be thinking about the coming winter, but the organizations that manage the crisis cold weather shelters are making preparations for the coming season. Meteorologists seem to think that this year's La Niña will bring a cooler, wetter winter to our area. Ugh.

Typically our shelter season runs from the beginning of November through the end of March. Each church or organization that provides shelter space relies heavily on volunteers to make everything possible. The group I work with uses 15 volunteers each night we are open. 
There are people that work the sign-up table at dinner, set up the shelter, greet and serve our guests, transport animals in the evening and again in the morning (we are the only shelter that takes pets), fix coffee and oatmeal in the morning, clean the facility, and transport laundry to and from the cleaners. These are all needs in addition to the ones that spend the night at the shelter. 
Shelters are only open when the temperatures are below freezing for most of the night.

Previous seasons have only had a few places open for shelter on most cold nights. Some additional places open when the nights are extremely cold, but even then we are far below the capacity we need. If you can help with any of the volunteer needs over the winter months, please reach out to us. Or maybe you can provide us with a container of coffee, hot chocolate, or a box of oatmeal. 
We also distribute coats, gloves, socks, warm clothes, etc.

I know that there are reasons that many churches cannot provide space for sheltering people in need, but it is very disappointing that of the several hundred churches in Springfield MO, only about a dozen participate in providing shelter or shelter volunteers during the winter crises cold weather season.

If you have questions or stuff -- let me know. I can put you in touch with the people that put all of this together. 

John

Quiet is good (and random notes)

It has been a quiet week here in the Ozarks of SWMO. My riding mower has been in the shop for a couple of weeks and should be back next week. The yard and field aren't too bad as the heat and little rain have kept the grass from growing too much. I've been content to be lazy and read a lot in the past week.  

Next week the local AA baseball team will be back in Springfield and I think I will try to take in a game or maybe two. I haven't done much people-ing, so I should be okay with a solo night at the ballpark. I've also been content to have coffee at home for the past couple of weeks. Maybe I will venture out for a morning coffee shop experience next week.
Simple coffee shop conversations are generally good. If anyone in the area is up for that next week, let me know. 

I mentioned screen time in my last post and I have been doing better about not using my phone as much. I still play games on it, but not as much. I've been spending less time scrolling social media, but still spend way more time than I need to be spending on mostly nonsense. I'm afraid it will be an ongoing battle.

A couple of days ago Highlandville MO experienced its last 8 PM sunset of the year. It will be April 28th before we have another sunset that late. I have been noticing the morning sun slowly moving southward as the sun shines on the deck now and affects my morning Chromebook viewing. I can't say that I am looking forward to fall and winter. I really am more of a summer boy. 
The Farmer's Almanac is calling for higher than average precipitation for our area this winter. We are on the boundary of what will be either snow or rain. The snow is pretty, but you don't have to shovel rain!
Fortunately, our winters here are pretty mild as Midwest winters go.

I am happy that there is still another month of summer and early fall in the Ozarks is still warm enough to keep me happy. To all of my flannel wearing, fall loving friends -- Be patient. Your time is coming. 

Enjoy life, my friends!

John

DND

Do Not Disturb

I use the DND setting on my phone most nights. The setting allows for exceptions. I have my wife, kids, and mom as exceptions. Everyone else goes to voicemail.

Yesterday I didn't have my phone on me for a good part of the day, and the ringer was set to vibrate so I didn't hear it from the deck or other room. It made for a nice, quiet afternoon.
Truthfully, I don't get many calls or messages and I have eliminated a lot of notifications. But setting my phone down and walking away from it has reminded me of how much of a distraction it is.

Maybe I should turn off a few more notifications. Do I really need to know every time someone scores during a Springfield or St Louis Cardinals game?
Or maybe I should leave the DND feature engaged throughout the day. It's kind of like being in airplane mode with those few exceptions.
I have a couple of games I play on my phone. I still use the Kindle app for reading. I use Facebook too often, and the same is true for Instagram. And I use Pandora while driving or working in the yard.

I would probably check my phone less often if I wore a watch for time. Once it is in hand, it is too easy to check other things. Is it really necessary to know how hot it is? Isn't hot or too hot enough?
Or maybe I just need to be more disciplined about my phone usage.

What are your go-to apps?
Do you monitor or restrict your screen time/phone usage?
Is your phone just a part of your everyday life and you don't think about it?

Just curious,
John

I Peopled This Week

People-ing (being around people) isn't a big deal for most of you. I can usually get by fine without it. Tuesday I was all set to go out to the ballgame, but decided (at the last minute) that staying home would be more enjoyable.
I missed a lunch meeting for chaplain volunteers yesterday (could have made it, but had other things to do) and was pretty on the fence about leaving the comforts of home to go to our Thursday evening gathering of Venues' people at Mother's Brewery. I have to admit that the decision to actually go was largely influenced by the need for coffee (I only had enough left for this morning). If I didn't need to go into Springfield for coffee, I might not have gone.

As it was, I had an enjoyable time conversing with some new people and enjoying this year's Oktoberfest brew from Mothers. There were several people that I hadn't met and a few more that I just hadn't seen in quite some time. The conversations and the beer were both good. Maybe I should get out more often.
As is often the case after a Thursday night at barchurch, I begin to think that maybe I should start going to church on Sunday mornings -- until Sunday morning rolls around and I think, "What was I thinking?" as I enjoy my quiet time and coffee on the deck.

I may be out (again) on Saturday night to watch the UFC PPV at a Springfield movie theater. I've watched a few this summer and it isn't a bad deal. There is a sports bar nearby and I can watch the prelims there and then walk to the theater for the PPV card. 
There really isn't very much people interaction involved and the reclining theater seats and big screen are a definite plus.

I have no people-ing planned for today. 
I have my pour-over brewed coffee for this morning and have a jug of Ethiopian cold-brew steeping for the coming days. I have good cigars, tequila, bourbon, a six-pack of Mother's Oktoberfest, several books, a comfortable chair, and lots of time. 
I may do a little plant re-potting today. We'll see.

For the most part I expect it to be -- just another day in the life of John.

John

Thursday Theology -- but not really

This quote is more about religion than it is about theology, but it definitely should make one examine their own religious beliefs and actions.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

A thought provoking perspective, isn't it?

John

Contemplating Imperfection

It has recently come to my attention (though not for the first time) that I have no marketable skills. There really isn't anything that I do well. Although I enjoy flower gardening, a cursory glance at my flower beds will quickly tell any observer that I am no gardener. The landscaping pictures in my head never quite make it to real life.

Past life John did well in retail sales, managing a jewelry store for a national chain and then leading two stores in sales for a now defunct lumber company. People sometimes commented about the difference when I switched from wearing a suit and selling jewelry to wearing khakis and loading lumber. I generally responded by telling them it wasn't that different -- I just went from selling rocks to selling sticks.

I generally did okay at sales. At one point I even peddled salvation for your soul. At least that's what the evangelism gig often felt like -- carnival barkers looking for suckers to bring into the big tent. 
Incidentally, I did pretty well at that, too.

The air traffic control (ATC) gig had a pretty unique set of skills. I can't really think of another occupation that they would transfer into. It is a good thing that retirement suits me well. I am extremely comfortable enjoying life from the deck of our rural home and being a non-productive member of society. For the past decade, my sole contribution to society has been as a consumer and that's pretty much it.

I embrace the low skill level I have when it comes to gardening. I'm learning as I go.
The same goes for my struggles with learning to smoke meats on the little smoker I have. Learning by failing kind of sucks, but it seems to be okay in gardening and outdoor cooking. It probably is not a great way to learn that ATC job.

I think that for most things in life a little imperfection is okay. Perfection is often oppressive and the stress to be perfect can be detrimental to one's health or even to relationships. I'm not saying that we should strive for imperfection, but I do believe that we should recognize that all of life is a learning process and that imperfection is a necessary part of that. 
And perfect can be different depending on perspective.

When I am cutting flowers to bring into the house and put into a vase, I look for the perfect ones, the fully developed ones with no missing nor damaged petals. The butterflies and bees seem to like the newly opened blossoms and the golden finches go for the ones that have started producing seeds. The insects and hummingbirds are attracted to the brightly colored ones, but I like to mix in a few of the pale colors for contrast.
Maybe nature is trying to teach me that imperfection isn't really a thing and that understanding that timing and purpose makes it (and us) all well suited to the moment.

Hmmm...

John

 

What are you reading?

I like to read.
I don't consider myself to be a voracious reader, but I usually have a book or two that I am reading. Research shows that the average US adult reads about 12 books per year with half of the population reading only 4 or fewer books in a year. I set a modest goal of reading 24 books this year -- just two books per month.

I finished my 24th book on my Kindle a couple of days ago, plus I've read three actual books from the library. (Several of the Kindle reads were also from the library.) At this pace I should finish the year at around 40 books completed.

My most recent non-fiction book was Curveball by Peter Enns.
I am putting this into my highly recommended category. I would go so far as to say even if you are a person of faith that is not a Christian you will benefit from reading this book that challenges how we view God and how our perceptions should change. In fact, I truly believe that atheists would find the evolution of faith process to be quite interesting. This isn't an attempt to proselytize, but a genuine belief that our perspectives can and should change as evidence and experiences change.

Curveball addresses the process and challenges of the author's faith deconstruction/evolution/growth or whatever you want to call it. I find it both interesting and sad that many people's idea of God is the same now as it was when they were 10 years old. Most of us have been encouraged by religion not to allow our perceptions of God to change. It's probably fair to say that I'm more angry than sad about religious control over peoples' perception and understanding of a supreme being.

If you have ever wondered about God, considered the existence of God, struggled to understand God, or determined that there is no God -- give it a read and let me know what you think. I am open to your thoughts on the matter.
Just FYI -- the two books I picked up at the library yesterday are on shamanism and spirit animals. Yeah, I'm a bit of a heretic to my former evangelical acquaintances. 
So what? As I mentioned earlier -- some people don't evolve.

What are you reading?

John

Friday Fun Fact

Did you know... ?

John

Thursdays are for Thanksgiving!

Happy Thursday, my blog reading friends!
I am, admittedly, a little sore from yesterday's yard work. Some days the work is just a little more intense than on most days. Fortunately, I have the option to do little to nothing today -- balance, right?

Several months ago, I ran into a friend that was hosting an aunt and uncle that were visiting. When I asked later about how their visit went, the reply I got (after a long, thoughtful pause) was -- Sometimes family is hard.

Yeah.
Isn't that the truth!
Whether it is differing and divisive politics, divergent lifestyles, religious beliefs, personality clashes, unmet expectations, or something else -- conflicts within families can be difficult to manage. It seems to be far easier to walk away from friends or other relationships that cause stress than it is to leave behind the people that are connected to us through familial relationships.

My family and its extensions are a pretty diverse group and we are not without our conflicts, but (so far) we have managed to remain close and loving to each other. I often think that it is strange that such a large, close family seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
After spending the weekend with family, I have to admit that the introverted part of me is happy to be back to my quiet, rural, and somewhat isolated life, but it was so good to see everyone and feel the loving energy that exists in that large, diverse group of people.
I honestly don't understand families that have disowned members or have completely cut ties with each other.

So...
Today I want to express how thankful I am for my family and extended family.
At our recent reunion, each of my mom's kids was missing one of our kids and their SOs and kids -- 13 (I think) more that would be in this pic, plus a number of cousins and their families that were unable to attend.

That's quite a clan!

John
 

Wednesday Wisdom -- Listen

How often are you in a conversation when you are constantly being interrupted by someone?
Oftentimes, I find myself being interrupted when answering a question that the person asked.
Far too often people are either listening to reply or not really listening at all. 

Perhaps listening is an underdeveloped skill in today's world. 
Or maybe it is conversing with meaningful dialogue that is the lost skill. People want to be heard, but they don't want to listen to what others have to say. They may hear you speaking, but they don't really listen to understand -- they listen to know when you've finished (or not) so that they can resume speaking.

Maybe for today we can all try listening -- not listening to reply, not listening to hear, but listening to understand.

Listening takes purposeful practice.
Truthfully, sometimes I do not converse because it is just a waste of time.

John

This Place

I tend to be comfortable wherever I am, but this place -- home -- is definitely a favorite place.
After being surrounded by family for the past weekend at our family reunion, home feels good.

Aside from the time at the reunion picnic, our immediate family of siblings and kids spent many hours around the outdoor fire pit or indoor breakfast area. The general conversations and memories were wonderful and often entertaining. There were several new members introduced to the family as our kids brought in their new-to-the-group significant others, and there was one kid (along with their SO and kids) missing from each family. 
I enjoyed meeting the new people and wonder what they might be thinking about the rest of the clan.

Although yesterday was a good day to catch up on some work around the house, I did absolutely nothing. I just enjoyed being home. I had an evening cigar and a small pour of bourbon while listening to the night sounds and reading a book on the deck -- simple and glorious at the same time.
Today I will have to get some work done, but even that will be a comforting kind of thing. 
It is a wonderful feeling to be at peace in the place where you spend most of your time.

I hope you have such a place -- even if it isn't your home, but a place where you can escape to when you need to re-establish your peaceful mindset.

Life is good here.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

John

What if ... ?

There is a lot that can be said about the Buddhist belief that possessions and desires tie you down and lead to suffering. For example --
I like our home. I like our house and I like having a safe place to retreat to and a warm, comfortable place to live and sleep. I like the five acres we have and the various flowerbeds. Although I don't mind working in the yard, it is also a pretty big commitment and takes quite a bit of time and effort.
It is a privileged life that we live.

However, I also think it would be cool to get a truck-top tent rig for the Maverick and just hit the road, stopping wherever I feel like stopping and spending whatever time I want to spend before moving on. That really isn't a thing that my wife would be into, so that attachment (along with the homeowner obligations) is another tie down. 
Honestly, I don't know if that is something that I would really like for an extended period of time. There is a little bit of me that thinks I would like it and is a little sad that it likely isn't something that I will ever do. I can't say that it is a major regret or anything. It's just something I think of from time to time as kind of a fantasy adventurous lifestyle. 

So that has me wondering...
What would you be doing differently if you weren't tied down by obligations to people or property?
Would you live in a different city? ...or maybe a different country?
Maybe you have a dream of starting a business (talk about being tied to an obligation!).
Is there something you'd like to learn about?
An instrument you'd like to learn how to play?

Maybe there are things you can do in spite of your commitments and obligations.
I know that there are people that thrive on having obligations. They need to be committed to something. They need to have a purpose for getting up in the morning, Maybe you are doing exactly what you truly want to be doing.
In a sense, we are all doing what we choose to do -- even though it may not be what we want to do.

Just some weird things rollin' 'round in my head today.

What would you be doing today if you could be doing what you truly want to do?

John

Can We Talk About the Birds and the Bees?

One of a simple life's pleasureful things is being able to observe and enjoy nature. 
I get to do that a lot -- morning coffee on the deck, working in the flower gardens, an afternoon cigar, a relaxing evening, and late nights listening to the frogs, bugs, and occasional coyotes.

This year we seem to have an abundance of dragonflies. I read that this is in part due to the very wet spring that we had. These voracious little hunters consume mosquitoes and other small flying insects -- often more than 100 per day.
Competing for small insects and also eating dragonflies are the barn swallows. I kind of hate that these birds dine on the dragonflies, but love that they also keep the wasps population in check. I haven't seen as many wasps around this year. It might have something to do with the mud nest built on one of the deck joists!

Earlier this week I watched a tiny little jumping spider stalk and capture a small moth on the deck screen. It was the third time I have observed a spider make such a catch. The other times were houseflies.

There are golden finches that nest in the trees across the street that come to feast on the seeds of my zinnias and cone flowers. In the fall I will harvest enough seeds to plant in the spring, but leave most of them so the birds can feed on them throughout the winter months. They will be picked clean by spring.

My hummingbird feeders have been dry for a little while. I don't worry about it this time of year and often see them feeding at the flowers. I tend to pay closer attention during the spring before the flowers bloom and in the early autumn weeks before they begin their long migration back to Mexico.

I often work while barefooted. I must have startled or stepped on a little critter this week and took a stinger of some sort in my foot. I didn't see what stung me, but did dig a bit of stinger out of the lower side of my foot. I've been surprised at how long I can still feel the effects of that little sting. 

I have to admit that I laugh at myself when I think about how much I enjoy observing the smaller side of nature. One the one hand it does make me feel like an old guy. But on the other hand I wish I would have been more observant of the life around me all along.

Spiders hunting moths, dragonflies hunting mosquitoes, birds munching on dragonflies -- nature can be pretty violent and unforgiving even at this small level. It really is a privilege to be able to observe and learn.

John

Happy Blogoversary! 19 Years of Out of My Hat!

On this date in 2006 I published my first post here at Out of My Hat.
I no longer do magic as a profession, hobby, nor ministry, so the name doesn't make as much sense as it did back in the day. And most of the post seem to come from out of my --, well, from somewhere else.

I am a much different person today than I was 19 years ago. Not only am I no longer a magician, I am no longer working as an air traffic controller, I am no longer in ministry as an evangelist or kids' camp pastor, and am happily retired and pursuing new hobbies like gardening, smoking cigars, sipping bourbon and tequila, and staying the hell away from people.

I do still enjoy writing and using Out of My Hat to share my thoughts, but no longer care as much as I once did that other people actually read them. I should probably challenge myself to write more often and to take on a greater variety of topics from time to time -- perhaps I will in year #20. I suppose I could find a random topic generator or accept suggestions from the few readers that I still have. Or I can (and likely will) just keep doing what I have been doing for the past 19 years.

It has been an interesting evolution.
I wonder what the John of 19 years ago would say about the person that he would become. He would probably look at what has been posted recently and wonder -- Who writes this crap?
From the other perspective -- I am glad that I have grown and am no longer the person that I was. I truly wish more people would constantly question what they believe and who they are and challenge themselves to grow rather than to just blindly follow the same well worn pathways.

I do hope that you will stick around for another year, and I hope that you might occasionally benefit from some of my posts and rantings. 
Maybe I'll celebrate the milestone later today with a cigar and a tequila cherry limeade. 
It will be -- Just another day in the life of John
But each day is a day worth celebrating.

John

Thursday Theology -- Deconstructing Your Faith

A recent post from a friend has had me thinking.
The post was an ask for spiritual counseling or for somebody to talk to about faith and questions about God/faith/etc. Honestly, I don't remember exactly how it was worded and I don't know what their particular crisis of faith might have been at the time of the ask. What I do know is that faith deconstruction is a difficult and often lonely process -- one that often leaves people with no faith at all. 

Here's the thing --
I have no theological education nor background of any kind.
I have no qualifications as a counselor of any kind.
I am no longer (and never really was) a preacher nor clergy of any kind.

But...
I have been through my own faith deconstruction and managed to come out of it feeling closer to God than I was when I was burdened by all of the religious crap that was the foundation of my previous spiritual experience.
I get needing or wanting somebody to talk to or to be able to verbalize what you are going through. I really didn't feel like I had that. I was pretty much a heretic in my previous circles, but I was okay with that. Yes, having a qualified spiritual guide to talk to might have been helpful -- but I didn't even realize I needed it at the time.

As I said -- I am no expert in deconstruction, but I have a personal experience that I can share.
I can listen to your questions and maybe help you find answers. 
I can offer a couple of books that I found helpful.
And I can do it through private written communication or over a cup of coffee or a pint beer.
For some people, it might be best to meet in a small group where others can share both experience and insight as well as asking their own questions.

Anyway, I've been thinking about it, so I just thought I'd throw this out there.
Hit me up if I can serve you as you walk your own faith journey.
(Comments to this blog are moderated so you can request not to have your comment published if you include contact information.)

John

Good Noise

It's weird how the word noise carries a negative connotation. Sounds can be good, but noise is generally bad.
Night noises usually refer to the creepy, scary sounds of the night; where night sounds might be about the calming sounds of bugs, frogs, and other critters.

Last week I spent several nights sleeping on the deck futon.
This week the nights have been a little warm and I've been sleeping inside.
Sometimes (like last night) the night sounds can be incredibly loud. 
This morning the outside sounds are also quite loud. Along with the morning chatter from the birds, the bugs and frogs are still chirping and chattering.

I don't know what it is about the sounds of nature that are so calming -- really kind of healing. 
I am a believer that grounding --physical contact with the earth -- is beneficial to the body and spirit. Maybe there is also something like an auditory connection. Maybe nature has an auditory frequency that is also healing to the body and spirit. It is likely just easier to recognize it at night when there are fewer man-made sounds flooding the space around us. The natural sounds of the forests, the mountains, or the seas likely bring the same peace and healing. 

I know that this space that I have is quite a privilege. As the sun is beginning to climb a bit higher in the eastern sky, the bugs, frogs, and night critters are slowly becoming more quiet and giving way to the sounds of the day. Even though the cars and trucks on the nearby highway create a steady hum of low frequency traffic noise, the sounds of nature are easily separated and heard with the simplest concentration or meditation. 

It is Wednesday, so I'll offer this bit of wisdom:
Find a way to connect to the sounds of nature -- even if it means streaming the night sounds from your phone. Be aware of the life that lives around us that we don't see. I find a connection to our Creator in the sounds of nature. 
Maybe the auditory sensation of calming isn't about healing. Maybe it's about connecting with God and remembering that I am a part of the creation. Maybe it is a call to live in harmony with nature rather than trying to conquer or exploit it.

Enjoy the sounds of nature today.
It's time for me to tend to my flowers.

John