Five People

One of the blogs that I visit regularly made reference to this quote this weekend:

It got me thinking.
First of all -- I can't think of 5 people that I spend time with.
Secondly -- are authors, bloggers, social media connections counted in the people you spend time with? Same with phone contacts or text messages? Or news outlets?
And finally -- While I understand the thought, isn't this really just a bullshit thing that sounds nice or is there some real documented evidence of this?

Certainly, we are influenced by people that we are surrounded by and the stuff we read or listen to, but do we choose to surround ourselves with people and information that affirms who we are or that challenges who we are?
If we assume that this is a true statement -- Who are your five people, and do they make you a better person or a worse person than you are on your own?

Overall, I think I do a good job of shielding myself from toxic people. Most of the time I just stay away from all people. Yesterday, I actually went to church for the first time in a very long time. Today I will be going to a ballgame. 
But being out where people are isn't the same as being with people in a way that influences behavior. I suppose an exception should be made about church people, but that's not necessarily a good thing.

There is a line in the Bible that says -- Bad company corrupts good character. 
We should be careful about the people we choose as friends. 
Maybe we also need to think about why people would choose to include  or exclude us from their friend circle.

John

#ThingsthatmakeyougoHmmm

It's Friday! (but that's not a big deal for a retired guy)

It's coffee on the front porch this morning. It's cool and overcast and I am wondering what I might accomplish today. I don't think I'll get much done in the way of yard work/gardening today, but I do need to replant some nursery garden plants into their containers for my container garden experiment.
I also have some large flower pots that I need to get filled, and a few succulents that need re-potted.

While I do enjoy messing with plants --  especially flowers, I have to admit that my limited knowledge of gardening can be frustrating. One would think that the vast amount of information that is available would be an advantage to an amateur gardener, but there is so much conflicting information and everyone is a self-proclaimed expert with an opinion. Research can be time consuming and frustrating.
Gardening isn't supposed to be frustrating.

I am also disappointed in the poor base of the gravel portion of our driveway as grass and weeds growing through the gravel have been a constant issue. It is the one big complaint that I have with the construction of our home. I know that a concrete drive is expensive and I may look into the cost of an asphalt driveway. It's frustrating. Our home looks nice, but the driveway sucks.

I have almost finished my morning coffee and the battery on my Chromebook is getting low. I'll probably sit here for a little longer before I start procrastinating in earnest about the day's tasks. 
It's Friday and the beginning of a long weekend as we observe (not celebrate) Memorial Day.
I hope your day is a good one.

John

My Plans vs My Expectations

In a few hours, Chris and a friend will be on their way to visit the Colorado kids and I'll be left home alone for a week. In spite of the cool, rainy forecast, I hope to catch up on the gardening and unending yard work in which I seem to have fallen far behind already. 
I may go to barchurch tonight and I have a ticket for Monday evening's baseball game. I am not expecting any other people gatherings other than those encountered while running errands or something.
I may decide on a coffee shop morning at some point. Coffee and a little conversation might be a nice change. Hit me up if you're interested.

While I truly would like to get lots of work done, the cool, damp weather may end up being a convenient excuse for not doing much. Some days it is just difficult for me to get motivated to do much.
As with most readers, my reading list is longer than I can complete in a decade and still growing, so sitting with a book and a beverage is always an option. 

Even as I make the plans to work a bunch, my expectations are that I will work more than I might normally, but not accomplish near as much as planning John would like. In the end, I know that I will remain a happy boy. 
I do expect to fire up the smoker at some point. I have a new meat thermometer that I need to try and a pork butt that will be good for a test run. I may also throw a turkey breast on the smoker while I'm at it. 

Big plans, low expectations.
Slow mornings. 
Easy working afternoons.
Quiet evenings with a cigar and a beverage.
Just another day in the life of...

John.

Books (and upping my reading game)

I'm thinking about upping my reading game.
In 2002, the Norwegian Book Club compiled a list of the 100 best books of all time as voted on by 100 writers from 54 different countries. You can find The World Library List here.

I know that I have read some of these like 1984 or The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in school, as well as several Shakespeare works and some of Poe's writings. I can't honestly say that I remember much about them. A number of these titles are on our book shelves or tucked away in boxes. I have to say that I find the list and the challenge to read these 100 books to be quite intimidating, especially the list of foreign titles.

Nevertheless, since I generally have more than one book going at a time, I plan to start checking some of these off -- even if it's just to say that I have or to sound more intellectual than I actually am.
I am about 85% of the way through my current non-fiction read, so maybe I'll be reading some Shakespeare over the holiday weekend.

What are you reading?

John 

Mind, Body, Spirit

I feel pretty good in two of the three -- mind and spirit.
That's not to say that they are completed projects. Like a garden, they need regular care and maintenance.

The body, however, is a wasteland of neglect. It's been fed crap and been sitting idle for far too long. My short bursts of activity are no substitute for regular exercise. Even a daily walk would be better than the nothing I have been doing.

Yesterday, I decided to combine the task of mowing with exercise and used the push mower to mow about half of the yard area near the house. I'm estimating it is about 1/2 to 2/3 of an acre. The plan is to finish it today.
I'm not going to lie -- I feel it this morning.

Wile it is true that some yard work/gardening is laborious and makes for good exercise, most of it is just activity. Activity is better than nothing, but I don't know that it is of great benefit to one's overall health and well being. Some time ago there was an old man that told me, "John, if I'd have known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

I would like to stick around and enjoy a long life, but I don't want to be miserable and unable to get around or be on a ton of medication.

While Monday Meditation tends to focus on the mind and spirit, today's thoughts are more about bringing the physical body along for the ride.
Reading and puzzle solving games are good mental exercises that I get on just about a daily basis.
Regular meditation and awareness of the life and nature that is around me and within me takes care of the spiritual stuff.
Unfortunately, I really don't do anything for the body.
That needs to change -- not just for today me, but also for future me. 

I recently read that without knowing it, we often hurt the person we should love the most by the decisions we make today. That person is our future self.
Hmmm...
That's probably worth thinking about.

John

Retirement does not suck -- or does it?

I've had a few conversations with soon-to-be retirees, and a few questions and comments about how I have adjusted to retired life. I found this article to be an interesting one, although I'm not sure that it applies to me in a significant way.  

While I very much enjoyed my career as an air traffic controller, I don't think that I ever really made that my identity. The same can be said about being an evangelist, except I would say that my identity was more tied to that than to the full-time gig.
I also very much enjoyed the magic hobby while never really identifying as a magician.

Oddly enough, perhaps the common thing of the three is teaching. 
I don't think I would do well as a classroom teacher where students are forced to be there. College level courses that students choose might be different. 
I think preaching and teaching have many similarities and the magic was really just a tool I used in sharing lessons from the bible.
I think I would still enjoy sharing information in a similar way, but it isn't something that is a part of how I see myself or necessary for my well being.

I think I am mostly quiet because most people aren't really listening and talking is just a waste of time. People want to hear themselves speak. They don't really want to listen. Some people will engage in conversation by asking questions and then interrupt your answer to continue to dominate the conversation. 

I am glad that I truly enjoy my retirement. I'm happy that the transition was an easy one for me. I can certainly see how it might be more difficult for others of my generation.

Perhaps the most striking statement from the article is -- "The CDC, incidentally, reports that men over sixty-five have the highest suicide rate of any demographic in the United States."
If you are nearing retirement or already facing the breakdown of losing your purpose or identity, maybe it is time to reach out for some help.

Personally, I'm content with the old, retired guy identity.

John

Thursday Theology

I've been thinking (WARNING!!!),
Does it really matter what I think about (or if I think about) God?

I recently saw an illustration that showed if our sun was the size of a single red blood cell, our galaxy (the Milky Way) would be the size of the United States of America!
Our Milky Way Galaxy is just one of around 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe.

I mention the grand size of the universe to justify my thought that the Creator of all of this probably doesn't care what John thinks about God (or about anything else, for that matter).
However, I do think that what John thinks about God matters to John and to the people with whom John interacts.

A God big enough and powerful enough to create such a grand universe is too far outside of my understanding capability. 
Having said that, I feel that it is important to note that I do believe in the existence of a Creator, and God works out to be an accepted name for this Creator. In all honesty, I'm still trying to work out how the person of Jesus works into the whole picture. It is contradictory to say that we are too insignificant for God to take note of us and then also believe that this same God would personally visit us to set us on the right path of how we are to live and love throughout our insignificant lives.

From observing nature from its simplest parts to the vastness of the universe, I have deduced that our Creator loves harmony. From the instinct driven societies of ants to the trillions of complex galaxies that exist, there seems to be both chaos and order and yet both exist in a harmonic dance that defies understanding.
While nature tends to create things in order, it also devolves into chaos.
It's the circle of life. (cue The Lion King music)

Some life circles are relatively short and small. In the case of our sun, it is a bit longer -- about 10 billion years.
My point here is that I really can't begin to comprehend eternity. I need to keep things at a level that I can understand. I understand that I can be a decent person today, or I can be a jerk. I think I have spent more than my share of time being a jerk, so maybe I'll try being kind today. 
It is a little weird that a one time Southern Baptist evangelist no longer cares about eternal life but instead believes that he (I) needs to focus on the actual life being lived. It's also weird that the teachings of Jesus are more about living life than about what comes next.
Hmmm...?

John 

Wednesday Wisdom

I know that the algorithms that drive social media accounts tend to fill your feed with the things you respond to most often -- whether they be self affirming or fear mongering, your reactions drive the types of ads and articles that will appear.

Here are a few of the things that have appeared in my feeds recently.

This is an excerpt from a longer thread. The question asked poses some interesting thoughts.

These next two were together and I think they fit me well. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. It is just true that they fit well.

I really do enjoy my alone time.
I like working alone in my yard and garden.
I like my morning coffee time alone.
I like going to ballgames alone.
I don't mind long drives alone.

Don't get me wrong, here. I also enjoy time with people.
I enjoy meeting someone for breakfast or a drink.
I don't mind going to a game with somebody.
I enjoy conversations about life and finding out what other people are doing.

It's true that I will choose to be alone more often than I will choose to be with people, but having the choice is a privilege that I will take advantage of as often as possible. Oftentimes, guarding one's spirit means sheltering it from people or at least certain types of people.
Understanding that some people need people and other people need quiet is a distinction that many fail to recognize.

"You do you," is a nice sentiment, but it doesn't always work in real life. 
Many times "doing you" means catering to the needs of others.

I doubt that today's post actually shares much in the way of wisdom. Maybe it will give you a different perspective so that you can find your own wisdom from within yourself.

John

Nature's Ongoing Joke

Why are the weeds so proficient and yet I struggle to cultivate flowers or vegetables?
It seems that agriculture is man's constant war with nature. To produce abundant crops we use pesticides and herbicides and genetically modified seeds. Nature naturally (of course) spreads her seeds and plants grow!
It does seem kind of crazy, doesn't it?

We seem to spend a lot of time and energy fighting against nature when working with nature seems to be more beneficial. Currently, the US government is working against green energy like electricity generated from wind. It appears to be a personal battle rather than a scientific one, but there really isn't a surprise there. Empirical evidence and intellectual knowledge have little to do with anything our current administration does.

Although I rarely undertake household projects myself, adding some solar power on a smaller scale is one that I have considered in the past and may look into again. I'm not interested in trading an energy bill for a solar panel installation bill or I'd just hire somebody that does that. I definitely need to do some more research.

We did add an old energy saving device recently -- a clothesline! 
I can't say it uses solar power because it's on the shaded deck. At best it uses indirect sunlight, a little wind, and mostly just allows clothes to hang and dry naturally.
It is a retractable pair of lines so that it is out of the way when not in use.
While the deck prevents direct sunlight, it also screens line items from the devastating effects of birds that have been feasting on the nearby mulberry bushes! It is also much more convenient than carrying baskets of wet laundry down the steps to a line in the backyard. 
Chris wasted no time in using our newly installed air dryer and hung our freshly washed sheets and pillow cases out to dry shortly after I finished putting it up. I am certain that it will get plenty of use throughout the summer. It probably won't save a great deal in energy costs, but it is nice to do a little something that feels a little green and is better for some of our clothes.

I suppose it is time to figure out how I am going to work with and against nature today. There is always work to be done.

John 

Sunday morning thoughts

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms and mothers!

     * * * * *

I've mostly enjoyed being lazy these past few days. The outside work that I have accomplished has been pretty minimal. I need to get busy. I haven't yet caught up on the work I missed while gone and yet new things are piling up while I'm going to baseball games or smoking cigars!
Unfortunately, I am unburdened by worry and it will all get done in due time -- or maybe it won't.
As I said -- I am unburdened by worry.

Thursday morning I began a Thursday Theology post that went unfinished and unpublished. I didn't delete it (yet) and I may get back to it at some point. It is difficult to express my thoughts on God and how all of the faith/spiritual stuff now figures into my life and personal being. It's quite far removed from how I once believed it all should. My personal deconstruction has gone much further than others that I have talked to about their own deconstruction journey, so it feels a little lonely out here. Heresy has few friends -- even among heretics.
I think I still have too many questions to be able to say that I firmly believe in something. Maybe I will continue the post by finding those things that I do believe in (for now) and work around the things that I will forever question.

     * * * * *

What are you reading?
I have read 24 books of my 52 book goal and am currently reading The Buddha and the Bee: Biking through America's Forgotten Roadways on an Accidental Journey of Discovery by Cory Mortensen (non-fiction), and The Watchmaker's Daughter by C. J. Archer (fiction).

Be well, my friends!

John

Wednesday Wisdom (and other thoughts)

When I decided to cut my Mexico trip short, I noticed that the Springfield Cardinals would be in town this week and had a day game on Wednesday (today). I was looking forward to going -- until the forecast is for 50 (10 C) degrees at game time! 
Watching baseball in long pants and a jacket is not my idea of a great time. I've done it (Wrigley Field in April), but I think I'll take a pass today. There will be plenty of baseball later in the season.

I have gone from getting sweaty walking home from the coffee shop and getting into the pool to sipping my home brewed coffee in sweat pants and a sweat shirt. (side note: Why is pants plural?  I'm not wearing two of them.) It's a good thing I didn't pack them away with some of my other winter clothes.
 
     * * * * *

I've been thinking that I don't really like that Out of My Hat has turned into more of a daily diary than a blog with any kind of significant content. The thing that keeps me writing is that it seems to be good for me. Even the decision to write or not write brings a kind of thoughtful balance to my day. It's more about writing things down for my own benefit than about sharing thoughts. Reading comments and getting feedback is a bonus. Finding that others sometime have the same struggles and similar experiences or thoughts is comforting. Misery loves company, right?
The decline in overall readers over the years no longer bothers me. I'm sure that reducing my Facebook friends list from nearly 1,000 to around 250 and leaving the evangelical world had a lot to do with that. 
I'm doing just fine without the large community of fake, judgmental people and no longer feel pressured to live out a dual life myself -- the life people expect of me and my real life.

I very much appreciate my quiet, contemplative retired life.
I may not be doing much to bring about peace in the world, but neither am I doing much to stir up strife.
Maybe that's a win.

I'll keep writing for me, but maybe try to address significant content a little too.

John

Monday Meditation

It is the first Monday in May and I am enjoying my coffee on the deck. The wake up temperature was a breezy 60 (15 C) degrees and looks like it will be another beautiful day in the Ozarks.

As I sit and sip my coffee, I am contemplating the simplicity of my life and wondering if I would benefit from a more active appreciation of it. I'm wondering if I should be seeking things to enjoy rather than just passively enjoying what comes my way. 
In truth, I should be doing both. It's just that I haven't ever really considered actively pursuing appreciation of the world around me. 

What would that look like?
Is planning to go to the river or lake with my kayak a more active appreciation of nature if my purpose is to enjoy nature? Is it different from kayaking for exercise and then realizing the beauty that surrounds me?
I think that I am generally appreciative of the good things in life. I'm not sure that I ever really seek them out. Also, I'm not really sure that I need to. Maybe finding good in tough situations is something to consider.

It is easy to sit here in the peacefulness of the morning and appreciate the sights and sounds of the morning. 
It's easy to work the soil and "see" the future flowers that will bloom in a few weeks.
But sometimes it feels too easy. Sometimes it feels like I should have to do something to earn the right to experience the beauty that surrounds me.
Maybe that is a part of the gift -- the beauty exists whether or not we recognize it. Maybe it doesn't matter if we seek it out or if we notice it in passing. The moment that we find it or recognize it is the same. Either one is enough to steal our breath for a moment and force us to pause to admire both the simplicity and complexity of the world around us. 
Maybe just being aware enough to notice the beauty around us is the key.

It's just stuff I'm thinking about this morning.

John

Shhh...

One of the things that really stands out when returning home from time in Puerto Vallarta is the quiet.
Since it is a mere 40 (4C) degrees outside and I am enjoying my coffee inside, it seems especially quiet. I am looking forward to the quiet days and even quieter nights that my rural retirement allows me to enjoy.
With the exception of re-adapting to the cooler temperatures, settling back into the simple routine of an overweight retired guy living in the Midwest will come quite easily.

The yard definitely needs some attention and I think I will get right after it today. The afternoon promises to be sunny and warm, without the humidity that I've been experiencing in the tropical beach area around Puerto Vallarta. 
Sitting on the mower for a few hours seems like a fine way to ease back into the daily yard work routine. The weeding, tilling, and planting can wait for another day.

Another noticeable thing about returning home is how much greener it is than when I left just a few weeks ago. Perhaps the bright green is more noticeable because the tropics are at the end of the dry season and much of the vegetation is brown and anxiously waiting for the summer rains. 
The trees here are so green, the flowers are blooming, and the hummingbirds have returned. In spite of the cool nights, I am convinced that summer is on its way! 

While it is true that I would be happy living in a tropical ocean area, it is also true that I have an incredibly good life here, in the Ozarks of Southwest MO (SWMO).  I'm sure that adding a swimming pool and some kayaking to the mix will make this summer even better.

Just another day in the life of ...

John

 

Travel Day!

It's travel day.

Need I say more? 

I am hoping for no delays, smooth TSA/Customs interactions, and an empty seat next to me. Or maybe some big bucks to swap flights with someone that just has to get back to the US.

Being retired can have bonus perks.

Air travel is a wonderful thing...right up until it isn't!

Wish me well!

John

¡Hasta proxima mis amigos!

It's May!
That means we are half way through spring and well on our way to summer!

If my 3 weeks in Puerto Vallarta are any indication of what is to come, we are in for a hot summer this year! The warmer than usual Pacific waters mean we could be experiencing a Super El Niño event this year. 
Oh boy!

I am ending my short stay in PV tomorrow. Yesterday we took a trip to Guadalajara with a stop in Tequila. In Tequila we toured the Arette distillery and then continued on to Guadalajara for the Chivas women's play off game. It was my first professional soccer game and we got to see a winner! One of the women scored and set the all-time record for career goals scored by any Chivas player -- men or women!
I wish them well as they continue in their post season play.

I'll write more about the tour and trip in a later post.
Today we'll be driving back to PV and tomorrow I will be heading home.
It will be great to see Chris and I know there is plenty of work ahead of me. I am also looking forward to going to some local ballgames and maybe breaking out the inflatable kayak for some summer paddling. While I do love the time I get to spend in Mexico, I also know that I am fortunate to live where we do and I enjoy the life we have there, as well.

¡Hasta proxima, mis amigos!

John

Too busy doing nothing...

It has been pretty rare that I have been on my Chromebook or browsing on my phone for these past couple of weeks. While I am certain to have missed many interesting posts and pics, I can't imagine that I would have gained any life changing information. 

I also cannot say that I have been busy because I have done very little in the way of being a productive human being.
I have been to the beach a couple of times and managed a few long walks.
Yesterday we went to the botanical gardens and spent most of our time swimming in the river. I'll post a few pics at some point. 
I have met with friends for lunch, dinner, and drinks, and a night of karaoke.
I have been to the ballpark for the kids' softball games.  
I did finally get the crowns for my dental implants, which was the main reason for this particular trip.
And I have been in the kids' pool every single day and will be in it again today. I am definitely going to have to get one.

This morning's coffee is at another neighborhood shop -- Providencia Cafe. I find it interesting that many of the coffee shops don't open until 8 AM. A few, like this one, open at 7. 
I have been back and forth between a hot or iced Americano each day and am thinking it might be time to start cold brewing coffee when I get back home.

The springtime garden work is piling up at home and I'm not doing anything here other than lounging in the pool, tormenting the kids, and disturbing their normal life rhythm, so I have shortened my stay to just three weeks and will be going home on Saturday.
I really need to make a plan to get some regular walking or exercise when I get home. That kind of activity has been good for me these past two weeks. I am hoping that I have lost a few pounds on this trip. I have been more active (in spite of my time in the pool) and I am pretty sure that I have been eating less. I guess I'll see next weekend.

It's another beautiful day in Puerto Vallarta. 
I wonder what gems are in store for us today.

John

Retirement does not suck.

It's just another day.
It has been some time that coming to Mexico doesn't really feel like vacation. In fact, any travel since I retired just feels like being retired someplace other than at home. I don't feel like I have a life that I need to get away from, so being away from home isn't like a necessary escape.

I managed to talk myself out of a 2+ mile walk this morning. I had an iced Americano at the coffee shop around the corner from the kids and read a chapter or two in my new Kindle book. I had initially planned a walk to A Page in the Sun bookstore/Cafe but decided to Uber here instead.

I'll enjoy a second Americano, this one hot, and spend some time on the Chromebook. I'll check out some of the shops here in the Romantic Zone and then meet a couple of friends for lunch. I have a late afternoon follow up appointment with my dentist and then Aaron has an evening softball game. If I am going to keep my pool day streak alive, it will have to be a nighttime swim -- and that is actually quite likely.

It is a little weird that I am thinking about the gardening work at home that isn't getting done. If my dental appointment goes as well as I am expecting it to, I may consider cutting my time here a little short and returning to the comfortable routine of home a few days early. I am sure that sounds a little weird, but I truly am a homebody and cherish my quiet and peaceful life. I will need to research getting a pool, though. A daily swim throughout the hot summer will be something to look forward to.

It's not quite the hot, humid rainy season just yet, but it is getting close. The tourist season is dying down and the local shops are gearing down for the "low" season.
We have hot and humid in SWMO but without the ocean. We do have lakes and rivers and plenty of humidity adding trees. I need to make use of my inflatable kayak this year. That would be a decent summer activity.

It's time to enjoy the sun and enjoy my day.
I hope yours is wonderful.

John

Happy birthday, Aaron!

I took a casual walk this morning. I grabbed a cold brew coffee at Emmana Cafe on the way and enjoyed a pretty easy walk to my current location --  A Page in the Sun. It's a little coffee shop and bookstore on the square in the Romantic Zone. On the way here I passed by the finish line area of the ultimate marathon that is this weekend in PV. 
I am amazed -- not only at the runners completing it, but at how good they looked at the finish. 
Wow!

And I was going to be proud of myself for walking a little over two miles for my coffee this morning!
smh

     * * * * *

In an hour or so I will be meeting up with the kids and some of their friends to celebrate Aaron's birthday. It's hard to believe that this pic was taken 37 years ago!

The kids (Aaron and Jenny) have a pretty good life, here in Puerto Vallarta. 
In addition to living in a tropical beach city, they travel frequently and have made visits to Great Britain, Spain, Morocco, Bolivia, and Australia in the past few years. Plus they went on a Caribbean cruise with a friend this past winter.
You have done well, Aaron!
I am happy I get to celebrate with you this year.

John

Poolside

I am blogging poolside today!
I had originally thought about an early morning walk to a coffee shop/book store in the Romantic Zone, and then to hang around until possibly meeting some friends for lunch. Since we decided to meet for lunch next week, I decided that I would wait until tomorrow to make the long walk for coffee and then meet up with Aaron and Jenny's friends for a birthday brunch for Aaron.

Today I just had coffee around the corner and have been chillin' in the pool and occasionally reading a few pages in my book. The late morning sun is beginning to make its way over the pool and will be full bright for several hours before slipping behind a building and casting a shadow over the pool in the late afternoon. 

I have a little bit of shade on the east side of the pool for a little longer and thought I would type out a few words.

I am very happy that Aaron and Jenny have this place and a wonderful community surrounding them. They have several diverse friend groups. Some overlap a little and others remain separate. While many are expats, they also have local friends and non-US expat friends.
Between weekend beach days, weeknight softball games, and occasional game nights at a local brewery they stay busy and connected with the people from their different groups.
Naturally,we have a much smaller circle of friends here, but I do look forward to spending time with them whenever we are around.

Maybe I need to work on building some friend groups back home.
Meh -- maybe not.

John

No Thursday Theology

And maybe no more Thursday Theology.
I mean if the Pope's theology is being corrected by neophyte Christian Vice President Vance what chance does a self-educated person like me have?
Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth quotes fictional Bible verses in prayer, President Trump depicts himself as Jesus, and conservative Catholics and evangelical Christians rush to worship them.

There is no theology to address such anti-Christian worldviews.
Should one even try?

I am quietly living out my own theology -- study of God.
I am no longer trying to convince others to follow any religion, but would encourage people to examine their own thoughts and beliefs of the nature and ways of God.

I am going to finish my coffee and enjoy the day.
I am going to be grateful.
I am going to try to be kind.
And at some point, I am probably going to get in the pool -- just because I can.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

Desire leads to suffering.
Attachment leads to suffering.

We are addicted to suffering.

The first two statements are often associated with Buddhism.
The third is from the Toltec shamans of Mesoamerica.

I mention these things because a part of my own self awareness is realizing that we are probably not going to be moving to Mexico -- and that's okay. We can certainly visit here often.
And we have a wonderful home in the semi-rural community of Highlandville MO.

I like our home. I really enjoy the flowers and the limited isolation that we have. The climate is pretty moderate and easy to endure, no matter the season. And we do have four pretty distinct seasons -- I could just do without two of them (fall and winter).

I thinks it is funny to listen to our friends here in Mexico talk about their boring lives. We generally see them at a local bar's karaoke night. They are quick to say that is the only night that they regularly go out and they are otherwise boring homebodies.

I get that. We are also boring homebodies.

That's not to say that I am ever bored. Chris likely gets bored from time to time, but I am content to sit and observe the world around me or read a book. There are always flowerbeds to be worked or things to do that I actually do enjoy doing.

And if I do find myself in a rare bored moment, civilization is just a short drive away.

I am better at being friendly than I am at being a friend, but I'm okay with that and others just need to deal with it.

Hmmm...

That doesn't sound too friendly, so maybe I'm not as good at being friendly as I think.

In any case, I am trying to live life with fewer attachments and fewer disappointments. I am working through the addiction to suffering, although I really don't see that as a problem for me.

A good cup of coffee

A smooth sip of bourbon 

A relaxing cigar

A well written book

A hummingbird at the feeder or flowers

Butterflies and bees surrounding the flowerbeds

The quiet way the sun sets at the end of the day 

These things are as present at home as they are here and they make me happy.

What makes you happy?

Are you addicted to suffering?

What would your intervention or recovery program look like?

Be well, my friends!

John

Monday Meditation

The thing I love the most about the ocean is the energy. It is generally a calming pulse that seems to fill my spirit. It is something you can sense without actually seeing or hearing it. Just being near an ocean allows you to feel that energy. Being able to wade out into the ocean, to float or swim in it -- it is like a religious experience, like being directly connected to the Creator. 

I don't think I would ever take it for granted, even if I lived here and experienced it every day.
Truthfully, I get a similar sense of energy from digging in the dirt or walking barefoot on the ground, but the ocean energy is much more active and easier to feel. 
Both the land and the water are filled with life and share energy with all creatures that touch them. We (humans) have managed to divide them with borders and laws, but they do not recognize the foolishness of people. They treat all creatures equally. 
Through the land, through the waters, even through the air -- we are connected. We are connected to nature. We are connected to one another. And we are connected to the Creator.

Ain't life grand?

John

PS -- I am back at Estacion Cafe today. Perhaps I'll walk a little farther tomorrow.

Poolside coffee

Estación Café is closed on Sundays so I walked a little bit farther to Organic Café for this morning's coffee. It is more of a walk-up and walk out kind of coffee shop so I am now enjoying my Americano by the pool at the kids place. 
It is pleasant out here this morning. 73 (23 C) now and it will be sunny and 90 (32 C) later this afternoon. 

By then we will be on the beach in nearby Bucerías. 
Life is pretty good. 

I finished another book and the next book in that series isn't due out until next spring, so I am on to something else. I had planned to stick to easy reading while I am enjoying the tropics, but I may double up with a second book as one of Jenny's friends dropped off a book that sounds pretty interesting -- Worse Than A Lie by author Ben Crump.
I'll have my Kindle book, Stolen Book, Shuttered Library by Stewart Buettner, to read when I'm out for coffee or on the beach and the actual book book to read here at the kids' place.

Sounds like a plan.

I know -- it is a privileged life to be able to read and to have the time to read. 
It is something I am aware of and I am grateful for it -- both for the privilege and for the many books that are available. 

John

¡Buenos días!

Good morning from the Estación Café corner coffee shop near the kids' place in Puerto Vallarta!
It is bazaar day and the vendors have stocked their booths for several blocks. You can buy anything from plumbing, hardware, tools, clothes, bags, shoes, fresh produce, and cooked food. It's quite the weekly event.

Yesterday was a good travel day. I arrived midday, spent the afternoon in the kids' new pool, and then made it to Monzón Brewery for an evening brew and to meet with some friends. We'll hit a couple of different beaches today and tomorrow and I'm sure I'll connect with more friends. 

I wasn't on my Chromebook at all yesterday and don't plan on being on it after posting this note today. I may post a few pics on Facebook or Instagram, but I am hoping to spend much less time on such things.
We shall see how that goes.

Be well,

John 

Reading

I am ahead of pace to reach my 52 books for the year. It seems that I've been reading quite a bit lately, but I do expect that pace to slow as the weather warms up, there are more activities to occupy my time, and baseball season gets into full swing (so to speak).
Thursday ends the 14th week of the year and I just finished book number 20. I've been reading some action/adventure stuff similar to Jack Reacher style books -- easy to read, fast paced, purely entertainment.

I use my Kindle Unlimited subscription so I do pay to read "free" books, but I also download free books from other sources. Sometimes (not often) I use the Libby app to borrow e-books from the library. I should probably read a few more non-fiction books and maybe learn something along the way. Either way, I figure a decent book is better than scrolling through social media apps and reading the crap that's posted there. An entertaining novel is way better than the brain rotting fiction of Facebook.

I still haven't adapted to audio books. I've listened to two while on long drives, but I can't see using them in any other situation. If you are an audio book "reader" I would be interested in hearing about how and when you use them. Although I almost always use my Kindle, I still like the feel of reading an actual book.

G J Wagner and T L Payne are two authors that I've read recently and like their books and style of writing. Wagner's 8th book in the Jonathan Hunt series was just released on Sunday and I will be starting it sometime later today.

What are you reading?

John

It's Easter -- and I have questions!

This isn't meant to be a heretical kind of post
...unless asking questions is an act of heresy.
Honestly, it does feel like that sometimes. People in control hate having to answer hard questions or defend their stance with something more than -- that's just the way it is, or because I said so. It's so much easier if we just accept what we've been taught and move on.

But...
That's not me.
At least, not anymore.

In my faith deconstruction I pretty much examine and question everything.
At this time of the Liturgical Calendar I wonder about the death and resurrection of Jesus.
In Catholic, Protestant, and Evangelical churches forgiveness is a necessary part of salvation.
I get that, but we are also taught that one must seek forgiveness in order to be forgiven.
And I'm not sure that is true.

If I can forgive someone that isn't sorry, why can't God?
Evangelicals teach that you have to admit you are a sinner and ask for forgiveness, but on the cross Jesus said -- Father, forgive them. They don't even know what they're doing.
How did the church come up with something so opposite?

Did Jesus have to die?
Substitutionary atonement has become the main salvation theology over the past few hundred years, but it hasn't always been that way. Did his death pay the price for our sins? Was that the condition for forgiveness from a God that loves us unconditionally?
Do you see why I have questions?

Here's another one --
How necessary is the resurrection?
When Jesus surrendered his spirit and said -- It is finished --what was he talking about?
Was it like -- That's it! I'm outta here! -- or something else?
Was his death necessary for our salvation and now he was dead, so it was (is) finished?
And if it was finished, is the resurrection necessary for our salvation?
Or was it just a cool God thing, you know -- God can't die, so I'm back! -- kind of thing?

Reconstructing faith after a serious deconstruction can be messy business. It's like going through a hoarder's storage unit and deciding if there is anything worth keeping. You might not even know why you have most things to begin with. There are probably some important things mixed in with the garbage and you need to find those gems and remember their value while letting everything else go.

I sincerely hope that you don't come here for answers. As the title of this post indicates -- I don't have answers. I have questions. Asking challenging questions shouldn't be an act of heresy. It is an opportunity for somebody to offer reasonably thought-out and defensible answers.
Teach me.

For what it's worth -- I like the stuff Jesus taught.
I like the idea that everybody is my neighbor -- even the people that religions or borders say shouldn't be.
I like that we should take care of each other and help people that are in need of a little help.
I like that we should forgive people and send them on their way without the burden of guilt or weight of a debt to be paid.
I like that heaven is here. It is within us. It is around us. 
I like that I can see the spirit of Jesus -- the spirit of God -- in the lives of others.
And maybe that is what the resurrection is all about -- being able to recognize the Christ that lives on in each of us.

Do you have answers?
Let's talk.

John

Good Friday

I'm sitting outside of an Ozark coffee shop this morning, sipping an Ethiopian drip and hearing (but not really listening to) the traffic at a steadily busy intersection near Hwy 65. I am feeling a little weird about not having any real feelings nor emotions about it being Good Friday.

I can't say that I was ever heavily invested in emotions or feelings around Good Friday. However, there was always an awareness that it is a special day in Christianity. I don't have that same feeling about it anymore. Neither do I feel a great importance towards Easter or even Christmas.
The more I look at the life and the teachings of Jesus, the less likely I am to worship Jesus as God or as a god, and the more likely I am to become suspicious of religion and all of its trappings -- like Christmas and Easter.
I honestly don't think that Jesus would have wanted it this way.

I don't believe that Jesus ever wanted his life and teachings to be used to control and manipulate others. I do believe that his teachings are to change us and individuals and as a collective society. 
The -- remove the plank in your own eye before helping your brother with the speck in their eye -- is a pretty big clue that it's about fixing ourselves and not others.
And yet nearly all of Christianity is focused on the sins of everyone else and controlling/motivating people based on the fear of what fiery hell awaits those that don't bow down and worship an angry god.
On the one hand we have Sunday school stories about three Hebrew boys that stand up to an evil king that insists everybody bows to his statue or get thrown into the fiery furnace and on the other hand we a (supposedly) good God that does the exact same thing.

Religion isn't just weird.
It's totally effed up.

Whether you celebrate the weekend as the death and resurrection of Jesus or you're just in it for the candy -- I hope you have a good weekend.
And we can all make it a good Friday -- just by being kind to one another.

John

April 1st -- No foolin'!

Perhaps the wisest thing I can do on April Fool's Day is to admit that I lack enough wisdom to share it regularly from this little read blog. Sharing the thoughts, quotes, and clever memes of others is the best I can do. 

The best I can offer is to encourage you to pause occasionally to embrace the moment and appreciate the good things in life. 

I have never been a big goal setter or big dream kind of person. I don't know that I have ever set a goal to be something or do something that required a real plan of action or steady commitment. Chris wanting a white picket fence and flowers in front of the house might have been the source of my biggest challenge and accomplishment -- and I'm okay with that.
Simply appreciating what I have and not competing in the societal game of doing more or having more than the next person is enough for me. 

There are days when I think I should have pursued a college degree of some kind -- mostly because I admire those that did, but I don't know how that would have made my life better. I still enjoy reading and learning about new things. I realize that a degree would give me credibility in certain fields, but I don't really need the credibility boost since I honestly don't care if most people believe me or not.

Today I get to do what I do.
I start the day listening to the birds and sipping good coffee.
I'll get my hands dirty by digging in the soil and working on restoring that large flowerbed.
I'll relax afterwards with a good Nicaraguan cigar.
And then Chris and I will meet some friends for dinner.
I'll finish the day reading a book on the deck with the night sounds of crickets, peeper frogs and coyotes in the background.
Just another day in the life of John.

I can't say that this was ever my goal or something that I actively worked for, but life has turned out pretty well.
And I'm not foolin'!

John

Lessons Learned while Gardening

It is true that I spend a fair amount of time thinking about living somewhere near a beach in Mexico. However, it is also true that on mornings like this one, it is hard to imagine life being better than it is right here at our home in SWMO.

It is warm enough to enjoy coffee on the deck in shorts and a t-shirt. 
The plants are back on the deck shelves from their winter spot next to the basement windows.
The trees along the treeline are beginning to bud and turn green.
The birds are being their loud and active selves on this sunny day.
And other than the distant traffic noises from the nearby highway, there isn't any human interference into my peaceful and serene start to my day.

After posting about short sleeping, I have to admit that I slept an additional cycle last night. It was a wonderful seven and a half hours of restful, restorative sleep. 
Some yard work is more strenuous than on other days, and yesterday was one of those days. I am working on restoring a flowerbed that was neglected last year and it will take several days at my retired-guy pace. Any garden work that includes shoveling soil in SWMO is work for this fat, old guy. As much as I generally hate getting started, it's really not bad work. Imagining how it will look in a month or so is good motivation.

Gardening and working in the soil has become a kind of meditative spiritual practice for me. The connection to the earth connects me to the Creator in a way that I really can't describe. Making that Creator connection while trying to figure out the nature of plants and what makes them grow is way more peaceful and fulfilling than trying to do that with people. 
But caring for the plants teaches me about dealing with people.

Different plants require different care.
Some require richer soil and some seem to thrive anywhere.
Some need lots of sunshine, while others need shade.
Some need plenty of water and others get by with very little.
Some do better with occasional pruning  and care and others are best if left alone.
Some grow best where they are planted. Others do well with a guarded start and transplanting.

Some plants are favorite foods for the birds and bugs.
Some provide food for people.
Some smell nice and are beautiful to look at.
Some are dangerous to touch.
Some are medicinal.
Some are deadly.

Do you see what I mean?
I think learning to deal with plants can teach us a lot about dealing with people.
But I am a slow learner, so I think I'll be spending lots of time in the garden.

I'm going to have another cup of coffee and then it will be time for the lessons to begin.
Be well, my friends.
I hope we all learn something today.

John

Sleeping

I would say I am a short sleeper, which is a relatively rare thing. I spent most of my career on 4.5 to 6 hours of sleep and a power nap (17 minutes) or two during the day and evening hours. Even in retirement, I still feel pretty good after 6 hours of sleep.
However, I don't fit the highly driven, energetic, Type A personality characteristics of a typical short sleeper, so maybe not.

I typically wake up once (after 1 sleep cycle) to go to the bathroom and then sleep through the remaining sleep cycles of the night. Last night I decided to not fight the yawns and went to bed a little earlier than usual and slept 6 consecutive hours. I feel good this morning. I am well rested and ready to take on the day.
As a retired guy, I generally say that I get up when I'm finished sleeping. 
This morning that just happened to be at 5:30. 

I've been sleeping out on the deck this past week as it has been really nice weather for that. One night I woke up and saw the constellation of the Scorpion directly in front of me. The back deck faces about 10-15 degrees east of due south and I thought -- Hmmm, must be about 3 o'clock.
I looked at my phone to check the time and it was 2:59!
When I woke up in the morning, the sky was getting light with the rising sun and I thought -- 7 o'clock. It was 6:56.
I was so impressed with myself that I decided to share that here!

I think that sleep is a bigger deal that most people make it out to be. Most people do well on around 8 hours per night, but just as some of us can function well on considerably less there are those that need more. And honestly, most people (at least in the US) don't get enough.
Healthy diets and exercise get most of the dialogue time and good sleep gets very little. 

There are plenty of studies and much has been written about how to get better sleep, but most people pay little attention to that and assume that out bodies will just figure it out. Unfortunately, not all sleep is good sleep. I consider myself fortunate that I am generally a good sleeper as well as a short sleeper. Maybe those two things go together -- I don't know.

How well do you sleep?
Do you get enough sleep?
What can you do to improve your sleep quality and/or quantity?
Do you prioritize getting enough good sleep?

Sleeping well is a very passive part of good health, but it is also a very important part. We should definitely give it more attention than we do.

John

Fun Facts

Most of us are aware that some words began as acronyms that made their way in the English language as common words.
For example: 
laser - light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation
scuba - self contained underwater breathing apparatus
radar - radio detection and ranging

Here's one that I just learned -- taser, named for its inventor, Thomas A. Swift's electric rifle! 

John

State of Mind

When I look at the state of the United States of America I become disheartened by the politics, the division, and the overall lack of regard for the well-being of the country and the global community. I am truly embarrassed by the bullshit coming from our nation's capital.
When I look at the state of religion I am equally disheartened. Radical, nationalized Christianity is no different than radical Islam and in no way resembles the beliefs and practices of its origins.

People suck.

I'd like to say that I am encouraged by the good acts of people that stand up for each other and are kind to one another. But in truth, the good deeds of good people barely make a dent in the evil deeds of the powerful.

I will spend another day away from people. 
I will work in the yard and listen to music from the past (classic rock).
I will celebrate the seeds going in the ground and the flowers that are emerging.
I will wait patiently for the return of the hummingbirds and migrating butterflies.
I will connect to the Creator through creation.
Today is a day of self preservation.

Yeah, it is sad when one's personal religion means staying away from people and from the news that impacts the world. Unfortunately, this is my current state of mind.
My new religion of Be Kind and Do Good from earlier this week will have to wait while I bulk up for the exposure to the world outside of my small 5 acre plot in Highlandville MO.

Maybe Fr Rohr's words are more hopeful and less discouraging than my own. Even so, they do convey a frustration with religion and religious people.

Be well, my friends.
Take care of yourselves.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

John

My New Religion

 At 47,000+ Christian denominations it is obvious that we have many differing opinions of how we are supposed to believe, behave, or just be. This doesn't even count the other 4,000 to 10,000 distinct religions in the world. While it might be obvious that they all can't be right, it is possible that they are all wrong.

I can understand how we have so many different ideas about just what following Jesus looks like. In talking to others about their religious (Christian) deconstruction, I am finding that their journeys and mine are also very different from one another. 
Many hold fast to some core beliefs while dismissing behaviors and traditional practices, while others completely abandon what they have been taught. 
Sometimes there is a type of reconstruction or new faith that is obtained. Oftentimes there is not.

Personally, I struggle more with the reconstruction part. 
Having dismissed the controlling bullshit part of religion -- What am I left with? and What do I do now?
I don't know if -- Be a good person and do the right thing -- is a religion, but I think it should be.

I am no longer burdened by the threat of hell, nor enticed by the hope of heaven. I will let God and eternity deal with those things. I am just going to work on what I can do ... today.
I'm going to meet someone for a quick lunch, run some errands (buy coffee), and do a few things around the house. It isn't much.

Maybe I will find a way to be an encouragement to somebody.
I don't know. 
I often say that I am a non-productive member of society. It goes with the territory of staying the f**k away from people. But I am also a non-destructive member of society. At least I try to be.

Recycle, reduce, reuse -- right?
Do no harm.
Plant flowers for the birds, bees, and butterflies.
Mind my own business.
Making the world a better place by staying away from people.

It's not very religious.
I might make it my new religion anyway.

Just some thoughts in my head this morning.
John

Summer(like) weather

The first two days of spring have made it to 90 (32c) degrees, and today will be similarly warm. Tomorrow will cool down to a high of 60 (15c), but that will only last for a couple of days before the unseasonably warmer temperatures return for a few more days. Our relatively mild winter and early warm spring has me wondering what kind of summer awaits us.

Scientists tell us that an El Niño shift is likely and it may even be a shift to an unusually warm Pacific event, making a super El Niño event. That will mean a hot, humid summer with lots of rain for the Midwest. On the plus side, it might mean a calmer hurricane season for the Atlantic side of the US.

I think I'm going to need a pool.
If you think I have been a non-productive, isolated, introverted recluse in the past, a pool and a super El Niño may make for a super El Viejo!
I may have to stock up on cigars and tequila!

Trust me.I am not complaining. I am merely looking at ways to adapt to living in an extremely hot and muggy SWMO summer.

I did plant some stuff yesterday and will work on starting some seeds indoors for early May transplanting. My tomato and pepper starts should be ready to transplant to pots in a couple of weeks. 
I need to start some annual flowers for a few decorative pots and hanging baskets. In another week or so I will bring the deck plants up from the basement and put them back on the deck.
I'm thinking I may find a place to plant some more moonflowers in the back of the house this year. Most people won't get to see them, but since I spend nearly every evening back here I will get to enjoy them more than I do the ones in the front.

The birds seem to be enjoying spring as much as I do. They are quite noisy and active this morning. The rising sun and loud birds woke me up from my deck bed at just past 7am. Listening to the morning sounds while sipping my coffee is such a wonderful way to begin the day. I really do love beginning and ending days listening to the sounds of nature.
I am thankful for this privilege.

John

Slow Starter

I am terrible about getting work done.
I am a slow starter in the morning -- mostly because I really like to enjoy my coffee and quiet time. 
I am going to have to get back to making the effort to start work earlier. Movement is motivation, right?

I managed a little bit of work each of the past two days, but really need to accomplish more on a regular basis. My boss (me) is too generous with late start times, frequent breaks, and early shoves. It's almost like I spent my career as an air traffic controller. 
It is a grand thing to be able to stop what I am doing and run an errand with Chris and then go out for an unexpected meal. Truly -- retirement does not suck.

I can't even say just how happy these warm, sunny days make me feel.
Beginning and ending yesterday sitting on the deck was glorious.
Having the doors and windows open throughout the day is wonderful. 
Sleeping on the deck is peaceful and restorative.

There are still a few 40 (4-5c) degree nights in the two week forecast, but I am hoping we won't have any more frosty nights. 
Life in the Ozarks is looking like spring and John is a happy boy!

John

IT"S SPRING!!!

I am enjoying my morning coffee while sitting on the deck today. It is just a few minutes past the moment when the earth has crossed that point in its annual journey that marks the beginning of spring in the northern hemisphere.

One of the added tasks of the transition to spring is to prepare for the arrival of the hummingbirds. I need to get the feeders cleaned and ready for them. I figure I still have a week or so, but they will make good use of an alternate food source while waiting on the flowers to come into full bloom.

I've made the decision to get back on the motorcycle this year. I haven't done much riding in the past couple of years--none at all last year. I have a new battery, but I still need to get it ready, inspected and licensed. 
This seemed to be an appropriate mug for this morning's coffee.

I am looking forward to riding again, but I don't know if I'll be putting in many 500 mile days like I have in the past.
 
You've got to admit, she's a pretty bike.

I'll always remember parking it at a grocery store and an older couple was walking to their car. The woman said to me, "I don't know a thing about motorcycles, but I know about pretty and that's a pretty bike!"
It still makes me smile.

Happy spring to my northern hemisphere friends!

John

Back to Work -- the good kind of work!

Tomorrow will be the first of four days with temperatures forecast to be in the low to mid 80s (27+ c)!
I am going to try to get an early start and get some garden work done. 
I need to get my cole crops (broccoli, cabbage, and kale) planted, and I may plant onions and potatoes even though they are a few weeks late. 

I have an area that I need to re-till. That will have pumpkins, popcorn, and some sunflowers. And I need to till a new area for more sunflowers because Chris wants some on the west side of the house as well. I am excited to be working outside. 
I also need to get some annuals started for the hanging baskets and porch plants.
And I think it is time to take down the winter plastic panels from the screened in deck.

Also, if you are in the area and interested -- I have hostas that need to be thinned out. Just let me know when you'd like to come and get some. 

I know that there is still the possibility of another frost. The early plants will do fine with a bit of cold weather and I will wait a few weeks to put my indoor starts outside. 
But I am getting the spring fever! 

And I have a thought on starting my native grasses/native wildflower meadow. I think I'll start small and try to add to it each year. It may take a number of years to convert just one acre, but I think it will be a good way to make the change. 

Have I mentioned that I am looking forward to spring?

John

Signs of Summer

I know -- winter isn't over yet, but it is always summer in my head.

I am a left-side sleeper and the window next to the bed faces primarily to the south. 
A couple of nights ago, I woke up around 3 AM. I opened my eyes and saw the clock on the nightstand and noted the time. Then my gaze shifted to look out the window and I thought -- "Hey, that's the constellation Scorpio!"
It made me smile and then I went back to sleep.

The Scorpion is a summer constellation.

It is still a few days until spring begins.
If you live in the northern hemisphere and have a sunny day:
Stand outside at noon (local STANDARD time) and your shadow will point to true north.
As summer ends in the southern hemisphere, your shadows will point due south.
It's just one of those equinox things.

As we look forward to longer days in the northern hemisphere, it dawns on me (yes, that's an astronomical pun) that people living near the equator never get to experience the joy of longer periods of sunlight. They pretty much get 12 and 12 all year long.
It's weird that I haven't really thought about that before.

John

Monday Meditation

Today's meditation comes very late in the day.
I think my working days (nights) for this cold weather season are over.
Although the shelter may still be open on some nights in March, there will be other people to cover those shifts and I will return to being one of societies non-productive (maybe the least productive) members. 

Naturally, I've been thinking about this past year.
I'm glad that I worked again this season. I am thinking that I would like to be gone for a portion of the winter next year, so I may just go back to volunteering during the parts of the winter that I am at home. 
There is a lot of time between now and then. Who knows what I'll be thinking next fall?

But...
This has been a good season.
I am glad that I was back working regularly this year.
Although it seemed that finding volunteers was more difficult this year, the ones that did show up more than picked up by doing extra work. Everybody was so willing to do whatever needed to be done.

I really feel fortunate to be associated with the coordinators and organizers of the city's shelter program. There is certainly much more that can be done, but we are doing what we can to help a few people make it through the coldest nights. The coordinators of the Fairbanks shelter are the best of the best and I believe their work is truly appreciated by the people that come seeking shelter for themselves and their pets. 
Last night one of the long time shelter users was telling me the reasons why this shelter is his favorite and why so many people want to be at our shelter. It said so much about the real care that people feel from our small part of the overall shelter system.

There have been a number of wonderful, personal interactions with our guests this year. And I have enjoyed the conversations I've had with our volunteers, especially the ones that spent an overnight shift with me.

Good people give me hope.

John

Another Beautiful Day in the Ozarks

It looks like today will be a beautiful day, but winter is returning for a short appearance beginning tomorrow. Today will be sunny and warm with the temperature reaching 73 (23c). Tomorrow the temperatures will begin to drop, reaching 21 (-6c) by Monday morning. We'll probably even get a little snow.
Winter is like that angry person that you think is finally leaving only to turn back and yell, "And another thing ...!"

The local seasonal meme making its rounds is this one:

Even as it warms back up in a few days, it is still early enough that we shouldn't be surprised by a few more freezing nights. 

I managed an afternoon of sitting in the sun and enjoying a cigar, a drink, and some reading yesterday. I hope to do the same again this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I will be getting ready for another night (or two) at the shelter. 

I've missed a couple of days posting something on Facebook with the #40DaysofGoodShit tag. That doesn't mean that I haven't recognized the good stuff in life. It just means that I have been spending less time on that site and hope to continue to do so. 
I am starting to explore Substack a little bit more and think I will like it once I figure it out. When I think about it, I've been sharing this blog over there, as well.

I hope to get back to my conversations with spiritual leaders on deconstruction next week. This has been a weird week as far as routine goes.  
But still -- I have a good life.

John

Wednesday Wisdom

 

I wish I would have seen this 30 years ago!

John

No Labels

It has been quite some time since I have done a Monday morning meditation post. Typically, I have been working overnight during the cold-weather shelter season. I have continued with Monday morning breakfasts even on warmer nights when the shelter is closed.
However, this week my breakfast partner had other plans, so I am back to my Monday morning coffee and quiet time.

As a part of my 2026 Lenten observance, I have been examining my spirituality and my overall life as I try to come to grips with who I am and who I am becoming. Initially I was just looking at the spirituality and just where my faith deconstruction has brought me, but I really don't have a spiritual persona that is different from who I really am. I don't think that has always been the case. Recent conversations have helped me to sort that out.

Past identities may have labeled me as an air traffic controller, an evangelist, a preacher, a magician, or a number of other labels. Today I feel like more of an anonymous retired guy -- and I like that the best. I am happy to exist in the world without feeling like I have to be somebody. I do strive to be a good and kind person, but I don't know that it's that important for others to see me that way. It's just important to me as I struggle to live life with the love that Jesus talks about in the gospels.

I've never accepted the "What you see is what you get" or "It's just the way I am" lines as excuses for bad behavior, but they don't sound as bad when they are reasons for kindness. I think that is worth striving for. But that's more of an internal goal. It's who I want to be more than who I want others to think I am. There is a great deal of freedom in not living to please everyone else.

One realization of not really caring what others might think of me is the reciprocal understanding that most people don't care about what I might think of them! There are, of course, exceptions to both sides of that, but I think it holds true in most cases.
Just as I don't want to live to please others, I can't expect that others are going to live or to change how they live to please me. 

"Live, and let live," sounds easier than it is.

Signed,
Anonymous retired guy

In Like a Lion...

The worst of last night's severe weather stayed west and north of us. Highlandville got some of the heavy rain associated with the system, but nothing in the way of tornadoes, hail, nor damaging winds.
Light rain will continue throughout the morning and there are now flood warnings due to the heavy rainfall and swollen rivers and streams.
Hello, March!

In other news...
I am a little bit ahead of my reading goal of 52 books this year. Truthfully, I don't know if it's a goal. It's probably more of an estimate of what I think I'll read this year. I have really been pleased with returning to reading for enjoyment. For many years I read only for learning or some kind of self-improvement. Reading and enjoying fiction since being retired is a wonderful way to spend a day or evening. Typically, I prefer to read over watching TV. 

I have also been enjoying some one-on-one conversations, lately. I've had three different, purposeful meetings with individuals this week. It is amazing how much wisdom you can gather through understanding someone else's life experiences and how they have handled or even mishandled those events.

Perhaps I should consider spending more time with people.
It is surprising how just typing those words sets off warning bells in my mind. I am at peace in my little world and I tend to be very protective of that peace. I would have to be selective of the people that I would choose to spend time with. I seldom walk away from chance encounters feeling better from the experience, so I am cautious about where I spend my time and energy. 
I also understand and appreciate the privilege I have in being able to choose to be alone and live in peace.

Today's rain won't get me down. Although there is work to be done outside, it is March and such weather is to be expected. Besides, I have flower seeds planted and they need the rain. My bulbs are starting to grow, and the hostas should be emerging soon. Rain is a good thing.

Watch for the constellation Leo the Lion rising in the night sky.
The constellation -- not the weather -- is where the "in like a lion" comes from.

John

Wednesday: How is your Lent going?

Good morning from the front porch of our home in Highlandville MO!
It looks to be another overcast day and this morning's 62 (18c) degrees could be the high for the day. 
No worries. 
We'll likely get a little rain this afternoon, and I am confident that we are not completely past the winter weather, but I am happy to see the signs of spring all around me.
Today we will have 11 hours and 29 minutes of daylight in Highlandville as we continue to add minutes approaching the spring equinox.

My Lenten practices are going -- meh, okay I guess. I have enjoyed the couple of spiritual leader conversations that I have had and am looking forward to more of those. My reading of Merton's diary is going slowly. It's not really what I was expecting, but it does give me some insight to his person and I think it will help understand his perspective should I read more of his writings. I have not done a good job of keeping up with my own gospel reading and diary.
Since it has only been two weeks, it is difficult to measure if I have been more purposeful about being around other people. One or two scheduled meetings with others is a significant step for me, so I guess I have done quite well. I've already had two people meets this week and have two more scheduled!

I have generally managed a #40DaysofGoodShit post to my Facebook page, even while spending much less time on my Chromebook or smartphone. I did miss yesterday, but posted on Sunday (not counted in the 40 days of Lent) so I guess I'm still good. As with most days, yesterday was good -- nothing special, but still a good day. I expect today to be the same. 

John

Coffee time!

I enjoy -- not just like -- but really enjoy a good cup of coffee. 
There is a guy at our church that roasts and sells coffee as a side hustle. It has been a little while since I have bought coffee from him (mostly because I don't actually go to church very often). A week ago I saw his wife and asked if he was still roasting coffee and she responded by telling me that he was at home roasting as we were speaking. I said if he was roasting Ethiopian beans, I wanted some.

He was and Tuesday morning I picked up a double order. 
Yesterday, I finished the last of my bulk Ethiopian beans from Mama Jeans, and I am now enjoying my natural washed, freshly roasted, freshly brewed Ethiopian beans from my friend. 
If you haven't already figured it out -- yes, Ethiopian origin coffees are my favorites!

Good coffee makes me happy.
It's not a jump up and down, celebration kind of happy. It's more like a sip and enjoy, contented kind of happy. That's what I am feeling this morning.

It is a grand way to begin a day!
Plus today is the second of my scheduled conversations with religious leaders about deconstruction. I am looking forward to it. 

The sun is shining and the temperature should make it to the mid 60s (17-18c) today. 
I have a lunch meeting planned, I might get a little gardening work in this afternoon, and I might just make it to Barchurch this evening.
It is shaping up to be a pretty fine day in the life of John!

John
#40DaysofGoodShit

Good Stuff

It's weird to realize that you haven't been on the internet much in the past few days. After a couple of days (nights) at the shelter I am on the Chromebook for the first time since Sunday afternoon. Admittedly, I do access several sites with my phone on a regular basis, but I am still a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to using everyday tech gadgets. 

I have worked with a few new volunteers or with people that have been volunteering on different nights recently. Our volunteers have such varying and interesting backgrounds and come to serve for different reasons. Several have been on the street themselves at some point and have a firsthand knowledge of how important shelters like ours are.

Over the years, I have worked with a couple of people that are fulfilling court mandated community service hours. One woman continued working past her hours because she said she liked doing the shelter work. Some volunteers are retired (like me), some are business owners, some are well educated and teach at a university, others are blue collar or service industry workers, some are between jobs. It is quite a variety of people we get to help our community through the coldest nights.
One of our regular volunteers gets clothing donations from friends and fills the closet every week when he works. 
It really encourages me to see so many good people doing good work and following in the path of loving our neighbors.
 
Each year, as we draw close to the end of the cold weather shelter season, I find myself saying that I am not going to be back next year and think of spending the winter months someplace where winter isn't really a thing, But the need will still be here and something compels me to return and serve in some capacity. There is a part of my brain that keeps telling me that I am getting too old for this shit, but then my regular overnight helper that is five years older shows up makes me realize that it's just an excuse to justify not doing it. 

I really don't know what next winter will hold for me. The draw to be warm pulls me southward. But if I am here, I will likely be back at the shelter for part of that time.

Today, I am satisfied and encouraged.
I am happy that there are good people doing good things in a world that makes so much more of the bad stuff.
#40DaysofGoodShit

John

Deconstructed Faith Bros

Where are the deconstructed faith bros of Southwest Missouri (SWMO)?
One of the weird things about looking for religious leaders to talk to about their new faith walk is realizing that the "out" leaders are mostly women.

I'm wondering if the men are just quietly going along their ways solo (kind of like me) or if there just aren't that many in this highly patriarchal, highly misogynistic, religiously fundamental corner of the world?

I know I don't have a large following at all, much less here in SWMO, so if anybody knows of deconstructed male leaders that are here in SWMO I would like to know about them too -- even if they are no longer in the religion business. (Can we be honest and admit that religion is really just another business?)

I had a recent conversation with an older (my age) gay man that said he didn't come out to himself until he was 50. He is now retired and still struggles to come out openly to people because of the religious backlash that exists in this fundamentally conservative and homophobic area. 
Maybe coming out as deconstructed produces a similar fear. I know that I lost a large number of "friends" and acquaintances over speaking up against injustices of churches and for not bending to the political leanings of church people. Critical thinking is not a friend of those that control religious people.

Just some observations.
Anyway, if you know of someone drop me a message or leave me a comment. Comments posted to the blog (not Facebook) are moderated so they won't be made public if you tell me the info is just for me personally.

It's only Day 3 of Lent.
How are you doing?

John

Ash Wednesday

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

If I'm being honest, I've never really understood the ashes part. If we're looking to the Bible I can see that we were created from the dust of the land, but ashes? Where did that come from? 
(answer -- The Book of Common Prayers)

I don't think it really matters. It just reminds me that the whole Lenten season is more made up, controlling church bullshit. Ash Wednesday became the beginning of 40 days of fasting (not counting the 6 Sundays) leading up to Easter that we call Lent. While pre-Easter fasting was a thing for a few centuries, this particular Papal decree began in the year 601 of the Common Era. The 40 days are representative of Jesus' days in the wilderness.

I don't think that the Lenten season is without merit. Reflection and repentance are good things. I plan on purposefully doing both this year -- examining my spiritual life (which is really just my life) and repenting (the biblical changing how I think) where I need it.

I have reached out to a few pastors or spiritual leaders that I respect and will meet with them to ask questions about areas where I have been struggling. I would like to find someone for each of the six weeks of Lent and may continue the practice beyond the Lenten season.
Fasting is no longer a common practice among Christians, nor is it a common practice in Western culture. It has been quite a number of years since my last serious fast, but is something I am considering.

I am going to participate in Nadia Bolz-Weber's #40DaysofGoodShit (a Lenten practice for cranky people). It's really creating awareness of the good people and things that are in our everyday lives that we often overlook.
My Day 1 is waking up on the deck after sleeping outside last night. The temperature was just a couple of degrees below 60 (15c) and I slept well. It was the second night this month that I've slept outside. Yes, I am looking forward to spring!

There isn't anything here to qualify for a Wednesday Wisdom post. I could probably find a meme or quote to slap on it, but I think I'll let it slide this week. 
Or offer these simple words of comedian Emily Catalano -- Life is short and we are ... butt dust.

John

A Disturbance in The Force

Okay, maybe not as dramatic as a disturbance in The Force, but it was a disturbance in my normal routine. Hopefully it will become a regular kind of disturbance.

This morning, as I did my typical scroll through the blogs I frequent, I realized that I missed several posts from yesterday.
Oh yeah! I wasn't on my Chromebook yesterday morning because I went out to breakfast instead of sipping coffee and going through my typical morning routine at home.

This winter's shelter schedule has paired me with a guy that has volunteered in past years. We seemed to hit it off well and he generally signs up to volunteer on  Sunday nights, which is one of my scheduled days to work if shelters are open. This year we started going out to breakfast on Monday mornings after our long overnight shift. For the past two weeks, we have met for breakfast even though the shelters were not open.

I do hope that it is a Monday morning habit that we keep throughout the spring and summer. I'll be leaving for a few weeks this spring, so I will have to make sure to reconnect for breakfast when I get back. We both have Red Access Memberships to the Springfield Cardinals games, but have only run into each other at ballgames a few times in the past few years. Maybe we'll see each other at the ballpark this season.

     * * * * * 

An interesting article rolled through my feed yesterday. It was about how men retire without connections outside of their work or careers and often feel lost or lonely in retirement. While it is true that work was the only connection that I had with most of my co-workers and I haven't really kept in touch with anyone in my retirement, I wouldn't say that I ever feel lonely. I have just gotten used to doing things alone and I am okay with that.
Between retiring from work and leaving evangelical christianity (lower case c intentional) I lost most connections outside of family. Very few of those have been replaced along the way and I honestly have not put much effort into developing new friendships along the way. There may come a day that I am a lonely, bitter old man and regret not having made more of an effort to connect with people, but I feel that is unlikely. 
For now, simply having breakfast is as much of a disturbance in The Force as I care to make.

John